Day One continued (Section 11)

Question: Is there a special meditation practice that can bring us in touch with our spiritual guides?

Barbara: I promised you this morning I would answer that. I'm going to answer it very briefly. The best process I know is to meditate for a few minutes and get settled and then ask a question that you know you don't have an answer for, a question that's been a pressing question for you, and just send it out. Ask for an answer. Have a pad and pen at hand and let yourself simply, as you feel a kind of a 'push,' pick up the pencil and start to write. Don't monitor what you're writing. Usually when we write we think and then we write, we think and then we write again. Just let it pour through you. It may be three words; it may be three paragraphs. Whatever it is, after you stop feeling that energy pushing through you, stop and read it. If it's helpful, good. If you don't understand it, ask, 'I don't understand this. I need more explanation.'

Just keep going with it. It's not a one time project. You're going to have to do it day, after day, after day. The problem is not really getting in touch with your guides, but trusting what you hear, writing it down and accepting, 'This is something I know and it's helpful.' It helps you to trust the guidance that's coming through you. Then, after a while, you can leave off writing and just listen. But writing it first is very important because it gives you something tangible to look at. It helps you feel you're not just making it up.

Question: I found that I had a difficult time labeling my thoughts. I didn't know if it was remembering, if it was planning, if it was judging. It was like a jungle. And I found the labeling distracted me from meditating.

Barbara: Okay. At this point, simply note it 'thinking, thinking.' Don't try to figure out what it is. What I suspect is happening is that you're not catching it immediately. So that maybe, for example, maybe there was planning first and then some judgments came up around the planning, and by the time you noticed it, it all started to pile up. As you get better at the process and catch the arising of thought faster, then knowing what kind of thought it is will be clearer and easier. But, for now, just label it 'thinking, thinking,' and as you label it and the thinking has stopped, come back to your breath.

Or if there is some physical sensation in the body that predominates along with the thought, you may choose to rest attention on the physical sensation.

Question: Okay. And I have another question. I have a lot of pain in my back and I have no idea how to label that or what to do with it.

Barbara: There are a number of things we can do with that. First, you can just label it 'pain, pain.' If it has a burning quality or tension, tingling, sharp pain, however it feels, you can label in that way, but you don't have to be that specific. At the beginning, just labeling it 'pain' is okay.

Our body often feels pain in meditation that it has not felt at other times. Part of our habitual process is holding the pain of our body away, not fully getting in touch with it. Sometimes as your body settles when you meditate you allow yourself to get more in touch with the body and the sensations of the body become more acute. This doesn't mean there's more pain, it simply means that you've become more aware of it. Also, though, at times there really may be more pain because our body stores certain tensions in certain ways. For example, if whenever anybody is angry at you, you tense the shoulders and upper arm, you may store it back here on our back. Then, as you are meditating and some of the old sense of sadness about being attacked in that way comes up, your body releases some of that energy. It comes to the surface now as your body is settled and you may actually start to feel that pain, pain that you didn't let yourself feel when you were being attacked.

So, part of this process is that pain does come through you and then it dissolves. It's not that you are always going to feel that pain when you meditate. It's a process of releasing it, and in releasing it you do bring your body to better health, to more balance and centeredness, so that it's not stored there anymore.

I find it interesting that you said '… what to do with it.' It's so habitual in us to feel pain, discomfort, something askew, and then to immediately concentrate ourselves on fixing it. But doing that just generates more 'self,' leads us deeper into the idea of a self that must control, must fix. What if you just relax and allow it to be there?

Question: (Asking about restlessness and stillness, about 'good' and 'bad' meditations.)

Barbara: Everything is a meditation. There is no 'good' or 'bad.' There is more comfortable meditation and a more uncomfortable meditation. So, more correctly, what you were experiencing was a more restless and uncomfortable meditation. But, as I said, the unsettled meditations often teach us more than the very settled ones. The settled ones are wonderful, they're blissful, 'Ahh, everything is wonderful.' Great joy. But, often we learn a lot more from the restlessness, and usually, if you meditate regularly you find a balance of both.

Question: (In Spanish) (About thinking.)

Barbara: Ultimately, you get to the place where there's no longer any identification with thought. So, you almost stop noting it as thinking. It's just something happening on the surface. It's as if you were scuba diving and there are buoys and boats on the surface. If you look up from ten feet under water, you may see all of that. At first you may be very concerned about it, but after awhile, while you still know it's there, it's just boats passing by, but there's nothing you have to do about it. You stop even noting that there are boats passing by. It's no longer primary to your experience. This is not non-awareness, just a spaciousness that doesn't need to get involved.

This is simply attention settling down. At that point, the thoughts do cease to arise. It's a little bit like a child who's tired, hungry, and whiny, and keeps pulling on you and saying, 'I want this. I want that.' As long as you keep paying attention to it, it increases the child's whininess. But, if you give the child a cracker, say, 'Dinner will be ready soon,' set it down with something to play with and make it clear, 'I'm not going to pay attention to your temper tantrums,' the child sees that he has nothing to gain by the temper tantrums, so he stops having them.

If each arising is accompanied by the thought, 'I've got to fix this. I've got to fix that,' then mind keeps feeding in more and more things to fix. When you notice that tendency to 'fix,' and give mind the message, 'I'm just not going to get caught in this,' with a kindness that says, 'I notice that this thought is here. I'm not condemning the thought, but I don't need to do anything about it,' mind stops getting the feedback it wants and it stops giving off all of these thoughts and then it does get very, very quiet.

Question: And when you're at that quiet stage, are you conscious of your breathing?

Barbara: The quiet states go deeper and deeper. These are various fruits of practice. There's a place where you are resting in a state of pure awareness where you are very aware of the breath, of arising of thoughts or sensations, or lack of them. Then, we move into what's called dissolution of body. The whole body seems to dissolve. All the sense of self seems to dissolve. Physical sensations stop first. You may stop being aware of the breath or there may be a very thin thread of breath. You may stop labeling it if there's nothing left to label. Body is gone. Just awareness there. It's a tremendously expansive state where there's simply no body.

From that space, we move into ego dissolution, where not only the body is gone, but the whole sense of self is gone. Here we really start to experience what no-self means. It doesn't mean that I disappear, it means that the personal self disappears and all that's left is this central core which is not me but is part of everything. It's a very powerful, really life-changing experience.

So, as meditation deepens we keep moving into these deeper and deeper states. Then we move into what I think of as the 'heart' of the Unconditioned. Maybe we can also call it 'God.' Often we're not aware of anyone present to experience this as we move through it, but we have a memory of it as we come back out of the meditation, and back to a conscious mind. Something remembers. We bring that memory back into our personal life.

So there are many levels. I'm going into this in more depth for those of you who are quite experienced in meditation. If you are newer to it, please don't look for these states. They will arise when you're ready for them. We don't grasp at these experiences, but allow them.

Now we're going to end with a metta, or lovingkindness meditation. Metta means 'lovingkindness' in the Pali language, the language spoken in countries where such practice originated.

A short metta (lovingkindness) meditation

Barbara: The practice traditionally starts with the self but I find it's often harder to wish the self well than to wish the same thing to a loved one. Thus, I start with the loved one. It opens the heart a bit.

Bring into your heart and your mind someone for whom you have much love. It might be a parent, a teacher, a dear friend, someone who's nurtured and supported you. Sometimes we tend to take such people for granted. We don't look deeply at it. We just take what they give us. Choose one person.

Look deeply at that person and see the ways that person has suffered. Talk to them. 'You have been afraid. You have felt alone and uncertain. You have felt confused or angry. You have been in physical pain. You have known loss and grief.'

What do you wish this person?

'May you be happy.
May you love and be loved.
May you find the healing that you seek.
May your heart open and flower.
May you find joy.
May you find peace.'

I'm going to be quiet for a few minutes. Please continue to offer whatever wishes feel most appropriate. Keep it very simple, repeating the same few wishes most appropriate to this person. Let the wishes come from your heart. Sometimes people feel it useful to coordinate it with their breath, so that with each out breath comes a wish. This way you can stay in touch with your breath and offer wishes.

(Pause)

Let this person go now, and bring in your own self. If there is any resistance, just note it, 'resistance, resistance …' In the same way as you did with the loved one, look deeply into yourself. 'I have suffered. I have known loneliness and fear. I have felt confused. I have known physical and emotional pain.'

'May I be happy.
May I love and be loved.
May I find the healing that I seek.
May my heart open and flower.
May I find joy.
May I find peace.'

Please continue for a few minutes. Again, keep it simple and let it flow from your heart. If there is resistance to offering yourself these wishes, simply note it as, 'resistance, resistance,' and soften around it. No need to fight with resistance here. Resistance and the deep inner movement toward love are not mutually exclusive. Note resistance and allow the heart to continue to offer loving kindness.

(Pause)

Release yourself from the center now and bring into your heart and mind someone with whom there has been difficulty. This doesn't have to be the most painful relationship in your life, but let it be someone with whom there's been some conflict, a difficult person. Remember, what we're doing here is not offering forgiveness. Forgiveness is part of a process which begins with hearing and understanding.

Whatever that person did to you, however he or she hurt you, you may not feel ready to forgive. And that's okay. But it's so painful to put someone out of our hearts. We can begin the healing process simply by observing that this person also has known pain, has suffered, and by allowing our innate kindness to offer them well-being.

Speak to them. 'You have hurt me so much that I have often not been able or wanted to see you clearly. My anger has obstructed clear seeing. When I look at you, I see that you have been afraid. You have known loneliness, grief, and pain. You have felt confused and angry.'

'May you be happy.
May you, even you, love and be loved.
May you find the healing that you seek.
May your heart open and flower.
May you find joy.
May you find peace.'

Notice any resistance to offering these wishes and notice also that there's a loving place within you that wants to allow healing, that is happy to offer loving wishes. You don't need to get rid of the anger, pain, or resistance. Just allow it to be present as a witness and to also allow the loving wishes to emerge. Keep it simple. Let it come from the heart. Whatever wishes seem appropriate. I'll be quiet.

(Pause)

May all beings everywhere be happy. (Bell)
May all beings find the healing that they seek. (Bell)
May all beings everywhere find perfect peace. (Bell)

Thank you for being with me today. Have a good evening and I'll see you in the morning.