Climbing With an Open Heart

Aaron: The question has been asked, how do you choose between staying in an old path that has many opportunities for learning, but is very painful, and moving into a new path? When is continuation fear rather than harmonious movement? Do you struggle with what is or find a more harmonious path? This is an area where there's a lot of confusion. I can only offer guidelines, and not hard and fast rules. First of all, no matter what choice, at times there's going to be pain and at times there's going to be joy on that path.

It is as if you've walked through a woods and emerged in a clearing where there is a sign that says "Spiritual growth, maturity and peace, that way." Ahead are six or seven different paths. Where do you go from here? You start down one of them, chosen because it had attractive flowers growing. After a while, the ascents and descents become steeper. The rocks are sharp and frequent. Some of the ascents require real climbing. Your fingers start to bleed. Finally, you say "I've had enough of this path. It's too hard," and you return to the clearing.

Now there are six more paths. Here's one with beautiful, leafy branches overhead. You start down, and, oops, here's a river. "How do I get across?" You find a raft and start poling. But the current is fierce, and you're afraid. You pole your way back to the shore. Walk back to the clearing.

Let's try a third path. You may think, "The prettiest paths didn't work out; I'll try the ugliest one this time. Here's one that looks brown and muddy." A mile further on, it still looks brown and muddy. Another mile, still brown and muddy, flat, messy, ugly. You are getting bored with this one. It's passable, but it's not very interesting. You return to the clearing.

You look around. "I avoided this one because it starts off with a steep hill; maybe I'll try it." After you climb the hill, there's a spectacular view on top! And a cliff. A sheer descent straight down. There's a rope ladder. "No!" Back to the clearing. Is there any one path that will take you through without formidable obstacles, with continued interest and beauty? If it's there, I've never found it.

Let us say you've explored all these paths, and you're back in the clearing. What are your options? You could forge a new way through the woods, steering clear of any path at all. Perhaps you can skirt around the mountain and around the mud, or find a shallower place to cross the river. Or you could just pick a path and follow it. What about that steep descent? Can you climb down that ladder? How about the river? Surely, if there's a raft there, there must be some way to get across. Can you do it?

How much is fear dictating your choice to seek a new path? What is the fear? How aware can you be each time fear arises? How clearly can you assess your own skills? You don't need to climb down a sheer drop on a rope ladder when you know you are incapable of that, and that half way down you're going to fall and get hurt. If it's too hard, you don't have to do it that way. That's why there are so many different paths.

Let us come back to real life experience. Perhaps you're in a job or relationship that's painful. What are you learning? Is there a point where you've worn all the skin off your fingers trying to climb? Your hands are bleeding, you are truly in pain, and you say "I can't live with this pain any more. There must be a clearer way through." Where are you at that point? Do you hate the pain? Do you hate the catalyst for the pain? Is there much self-anger? Then fear is at the root of seeking that easier way.

Or, does the "that's enough" come from a place of self respect and respect for the other as well? Such respect allows an acknowledgment "If I'm in this much pain, this being who is the catalyst for it is also in great pain. We're heaping hatred and anger on each other, and it's reached a point where we need not live with it any more." This heart doesn't feel the separation of "this being or situation against me." The open heart says "I can be more gentle to all beings, including myself." Can you see that the same choice to move away is then made with love, not with fear?

What if there is fear? Can you acknowledge that and greet it with mercy and not disdain? Can you extend love to this being who is afraid?

Of course there is the other possibility, that it is painful, but along with the pain, you're aware of a sense of joy because there's so much growth happening. Then it seems clear that you might continue.

Again, I come back to rock climbing. I don't know how many of you have done this. When one scales a steep cliff, there is often a point where all of the limbs begin to tremble, where you literally feel "I cannot move another inch. I've got to get myself from this handhold over to there. I can't do it!" Panic may arise, "I'm going to fall!" Or simply discouragement, "There's no further way up. It's beyond my skills."

At that point, you may simply stop and rest a few minutes, allowing that this mind/body has been pushed as far as it can go at that moment, and touching it with mercy.

Suddenly, in that stillness, a whole new direction may appear. "There's a handhold I hadn't seen; I do feel a bit more energy; if I can get my feet set against that rock and push up, then I can get to that handhold, and there's a little ledge on which to rest up there." Five minutes later you are perched on the edge of a narrow resting space, looking out over a vast valley, feeling exhilarated with the grand view and clear air. You have the sense that you've done something that was just a little beyond your prior limits, and feel a deep sense of joy. Maybe I should take all of you on a rock climbing expedition.

Your daily life situations are the same thing exactly. You reach a point where you say "I can't do this any more." If there's only grief, fatigue, and a sense "I've got to do it because I should, to prove something to myself or somebody else. I hate what I'm doing," then nothing is being learned. Then you're totally out of the flow of harmony with the universe. The wise thing is to step back, back to a place of self acceptance and kindness, and at that point, to ask yourself "What was it that made me push myself into so much unkindness to myself?"

On the other hand, if you stop, take a deep breath and look closely at your situation, look closely at the places where you're being unkind to yourself, and ask "Can I keep going?" but do it with kindness rather than contempt, you may find, just as that climber did, that there are new openings that you never had considered. Suddenly you may find yourself with that exhilarating success of having worked through a serious obstacle in your relationship with your work, with a loved one, or whatever it was that challenged you.

It is a process. You must constantly be aware of where you are in the process. Where are you approaching it from a closed heart place of "I should, I must," driving yourself like a slave driver with a whip, and simply increasing the hatred, friction and pain? Where is there a sense of "I see that growth is possible. I aspire to that growth. There's still love with this relationship, there's still joy with this work that I'm doing, and so I will gently ask myself to stay with it."

You do this not from a place of force, but from a place of love. You notice when love is no longer there, and stop and take a break. If love doesn't return, then it's time to climb back down. But the constancy with which love returns to the open heart may surprise you.