Volume 1, Number 1, December 1992


Barbara's Letter

Aaron's Pages

November 18, 1992, Ann Arbor, MI. Weekly open-house channeling session.

October 29, 1992, Anchorage, KY. Excerpts.

December, 1992, Ann Arbor, MI

Barbara's Letter

Dear Friends,

You've no doubt noticed we have a new name and appearance. The creation of this has been an interesting process that I want to share with you. For years I've been dependent on others for my computer work, and the Aaron transcripts have been in a state of chaos. At last, I have a new computer. It lends itself to wonderful possibilities. The first has been the creation of a name. This, in itself, is a story.

Why a name? The last thing this world needs is another organization. Many of you have heard me talk about watching our desire to label ourselves, the way such labeling may enhance separation and duality. An organization creates just that opportunity to be attached. I struggled with this for awhile. Finally, I understood that the problem is not in a name or the existence of a group but in the ways we relate to it. If we're looking for something to which to belong, with which to identify, there's plenty of opportunity. Can there be an organization and no attachment to it, just a loose enough structure to enable those who create it to work more skillfully in the world?

I saw that my fear related to my own unconscious agenda-the desire, small but real, to create something, to be someone. I needed to attend to the fears that created those desires. Once I was clear on creating this Center only to more skillfully pull all our work together, then there was no longer a problem. Where are we driven by ego, where by purity of motive? Can it ever be entirely pure? Perhaps the best we can do is to be aware, to notice any fears that drive us to fulfill ego based desires, so that those fears do not taint the work.

I get so many letters and phone calls asking, who I am and what I'm doing. A name does help to explain this. It also limits and that concerned me. When we offer a name, how does that contain us? Is there security in those self-imposed limits?

Why create an identity? Again, I saw some desire in myself to identify in order to have something to hold on to, and could only smile at that fear in myself with kindness for this most imperfect human that I am. But a name does answer immediate questions and is a skillful way to meet others' fear about the mixture of work we do. That mixture does bewilder some people. Skillful means asks that we speak the language of those with whom we work. A name helps people define our work. Does insistence on namelessness do more harm than good?

So we have a name: Deep Spring Center. Why "Deep Spring"? Over thirty years ago, when I first began to meditate, one day I had a vivid image of accessing a deep spring within myself as I moved into a meditational space. It was a bottomless spring, connected to the Infinite and Eternal, connected to all that is. From that spring I drew sustenance and insight, not my own strength and wisdom but a far deeper one to which my meditation opened me. It was a place of deepest connection, deepest love. I saw that source was in all of us, the center to which we may all come. I came to think of it as a spring. The spring was "self" but the waters were the pure energy and love of the universe. That spring has been with me all these years; it is with joy that I share it with you.

Why a newsletter? After ordering the computer I allowed myself to dream; what was most wanted? How to put it together? Many of you who have read Aaron's book have asked for additional transcripts. We have many hundreds of pages of them and new tapes being transcribed, but I've had no way to share them. I also know that Aaron and I have become a team. I've had many letters of appreciation for the letter that's accompanied my mailings, so it clearly was not to be just Aaron's newsletter, nor just mine, but to speak with this combination of our voices and energies.

What we do is either gratefully welcomed or met with some discomfort, depending on your viewpoint. While many of you embrace both meditation practice and channeling, some have come for the meditation and tolerated the strangeness of an additional, disincarnate teacher. I thank you for that effort of opening and acceptance. Others of you first were drawn by Aaron and have only recently begun to meditate, or perhaps not yet. At times I've thought it would be so much easier if I just did one or the other and allowed myself to find acceptance in existent traditions. But it's clear to me my purpose isn't to be accepted but to speak with as much honesty as I can. I highly value the path of meditation. I also know that the way is far broader. I am not Buddhist, Christian, or Jew. I'm a human being following a path to increasing love, faith, compassion and wisdom, trying to have the faith to follow wherever it takes me. Clearly, both Aaron as my teacher and meditation as my vehicle are part of that path. To be honest, I must combine them as skillfully as I can. And so this newsletter reflects that combination.

We'll include a letter from me in each issue, perhaps sometimes answers to meditation inquiries, or just my own present reflections. The center four pages will have selected channeling from Aaron from recent months. The final pages will give our class, workshop and retreat schedule. If there's interest in more pages to share some of your own insights, and to communicate with one another, we can add that to it. Let me know your needs. We'll mail this out three times a year.

So welcome to Deep Spring Center. May all beings find that deep source within, and may it lead us all to joyful connection and to peace.

Most of you know that all my work is on a donation basis. Your generosity keeps all of this work afloat. I have no attachment to continuing a newsletter, nor even to continuing as a channel or teacher. These are really meaningless words anyhow. We all channel at times, whether we're aware of that or not. I just do it more consciously than most. We all are teachers, and learners too. It's long been clear to me that if support for this work fades away, then it's time for me to get back to my art work. If support continues, then what I'm doing is of service to people and I need to trust and keep going.

So now it's handed to you. This newsletter, Volume 1, Number 1, cost over $500 to print and mail. My mailing list is extensive, it stretches coast to coast and beyond. Is this of value to you? Please cut out the tear off and return it if you want to stay on the mailing list. Let me know what works for you and what doesn't. Please consider sending a donation to help defray the costs, and in general to support the continuation of this work, but remember, it is a donation and not a fee.

Another way you can help support this work is to transcribe tapes from channeling sessions. It's a wonderful way to "hear" Aaron firsthand if you live far away, People from all over the country contributed to the transcribing of the Aaron book, but at present most of the work is carried by just a few. If you want to help, I'll send you a tape, you transcribe it (by hand, typed or on computer) and return your transcript. The tape itself will be a copy that you can keep. Do it at your own pace, in a day or a month. We have a big backlog of tapes waiting to be transcribed and about twelve new ones taped each month. Your help with this will continue to make Aaron more widely available.

I welcome your correspondence and try to answer each letter. I cannot always personally channel Aaron's answers to your questions but we will respond in whatever ways we are able. Some of your questions to Aaron find their ways to the Wednesday open house channeling session. If they're addressed there, I'll send you a copy of tape or transcript. Of course if you live nearby or happen to be traveling through, you're welcome to attend this weekly session and ask for yourselves. Aaron books are $8 including postage and may be ordered directly from me. Seventy-five pages, spiral bound, 8 1/2 by 11 format. A new book is under way.

Many of you write to ask about retreats and workshops in your parts of the country. Most of these are created locally. I'll travel anywhere to offer a workshop if my expenses are met. Residential meditation retreats are offered on a donation basis. For non-residential workshops, my payment is included in the workshop fee. If you are interested in organizing a retreat or workshop in your area, please let me know.

My love to each of you; wishes for a happy holiday season and a new year of joy, growth and peace.

with love,

Aaron's Pages

My greetings and love to you. I appreciate this opportunity to speak to so many of you, and to choose among past tapes those which I feel would be most beneficial to share. It is a difficult choice because no two of you are identical in your paths and your needs. Yet certain questions and issues do recur frequently. As is familiar to those of you who know me, my first choice of subject is not the myriad metaphysical questions of the curious seeker, but the basic issues that relate to living this incarnation with greater love, faith and wisdom. There is nothing wrong with those metaphysical questions. I respect your curiosity and there are many fascinating areas to probe. But many of you move off on such intellectual sidetracks and neglect the main focus of the incarnation, or perhaps choose to escape that focus because it has been painful. You are here in human incarnation, not to deny the incarnation but to embrace it. How do you learn to love this imperfect body, and the emotions and thoughts which are often uncomfortable? How do you open the heart that has been closed? How do you move in the direction of deepening compassion for all that you are, and hence to unconditional love and non-judgment of others? With apologies to those who are dissatisfied, these are the questions on which I choose to focus in these pages.

As you read my words, please remember that I am not omniscient. I do not claim my teaching to be Truth with a capital T but only to be truth as I understand it. If it rings true to you and helps you gain understanding, use it. If not, throw it away. I thank you for allowing me to share my thoughts. My love to each of you as we walk this path together.

December 23, 1992

The following pages are transcribed from channeling sessions. They have been edited by Aaron to fit them into the four pages available. Some additions have been made by Aaron, for clarity in these adaptations from longer transcripts.

November 18, 1992, Ann Arbor, MI. Weekly open-house channeling session.

Aaron: In recent weeks, several questions have been asked about the twelve step program, which suggests surrender to a higher power. Is it really necessary to surrender to a higher power? If you do so, what happens to your own empowerment? What does the word surrender mean? Are personal empowerment and surrender mutually exclusive?

Many women find the term surrender to be difficult, if not offensive, because they are trying so hard to find a personal sense of their own strength. Added to this is the sometimes masculine image of God; if you surrender to God, are you surrendering to a masculine energy? Now, of course God is not masculine or feminine; this is only the interpretation sometimes given to that energy. Nevertheless, having grown up in this culture, you've been repeatedly subjected to that father image and it has left its imprint, so that the idea of surrender to God may be repugnant to a woman who's trying to establish her own power.

Every act, word, thought-everything-in your lives takes effort, which comes from a place of love or of fear. Sometimes these alternate quickly, so the movement is subtle. When your choices are catalyzed by fear, you are trying to protect yourself or to assure that your own needs are met. You experience the small ego self straining to manipulate the environment to create the illusion of safety. So many of you have learned to exert such control with great skill.

For human survival, it is necessary to manipulate the environment to a certain degree; otherwise, we'd all be shivering in caves. Even a squirrel collects nuts and other types of food, and finds a warm home for the winter. That action comes from a place of love. When you've learned to harmonize your energy with that of your environment so you and your loved ones are fed, warm and safe, that is skillful control. Choice grows out of a place of love and respect with the awareness, "I wish to take care of myself and my loved ones. I wish to create a warm house, enough food to eat. I cannot simply sit outside in the cold and trust that everything I need will appear. But I wish to do this with peaceful intent and harmlessness to all that is."

When your choices come from a place of fear, you're constantly fighting what is, grasping here and pushing away there, trying to peer into an as yet undetermined future and manipulate it to your will. You get your home, and it looks adequate. Then you notice that your neighbor's home look a bit bigger, the walls are thicker, there's more food in the pantry. Fear takes over, and says, "I need more!" Fear and more fear. Fear pushes you to manipulate, control and grasp. But the more grasping, the more distortion. Each being is like a thread in a great tapestry. The thread itself cannot create intricate interweaving by controlling the other threads. It can only make itself as beautiful as is possible. When one thread struggles to dominate the tapestry, the design becomes distorted and the beauty of the threads is lost to that disharmony.

Humans are almost always holding on, which act creates tension and disharmony. Holding not only grows out of fear, but enhances fear through the practice of fear. The act of letting go, through practice of generosity, and awareness, is a foundation for spiritual growth. Letting go takes great faith, and an awareness that in human form your perspective is limited, that you cannot know everything, cannot always know what is happening below the surface levels of perception.

So here are two catalysts for effort, fear and love. You have spent many lifetimes learning to be masters of your environment, and, suddenly, you're becoming aware that fear is often the push for that mastery. Love teaches you to see your connection to everything. You understand that rather than being a master, you need to be a co-creator with all that is. You can see this lesson most clearly in the environmental difficulties of earth, all the vast problems of pollution, of the holes in the ozone layer, the diminishing rain forests, acid rain, animals that are becoming extinct, and plant species. All of this has grown out of man attempting to become master of his environment, without having any clear understanding of the interrelationships. Now you are finally coming to the awareness, "I am not the master here. If I cooperate with my environment, then I can support it, and it can support me. While I try to control it through fear, I destroy it." This is part of the catalyst for learning faith, learning to let go.

You've been learning all of these skills through this lifetime and through past lifetimes as well. Letting go is not an event, but a process. Slowly, you're becoming a bit better at it with these constant reminders that are thrown your way, threatening the very earth itself through barrenness, if you don't learn. Under that kind of pressure, happily, you are learning.

The being who is feeling disempowered and grasping at empowerment is living in great fear. I am not saying that being is bad in any way, only that there's misunderstanding, fear, and a great deal of separation. It sees surrender as letting go of control that it's so desperately trying to maintain, because control seems the only way to survive. Often, such beings have been abused in some way or another, have felt deeply hurt by their world and felt helpless within that hurt. Out of that pain have grown the defensive patterns of control.

We return to the spiritual perspective. As is obvious, surrender is easy for a being with no fear that goads it to be in control. If all around you was great abundance, never any shortage of anything, generosity would be very easy. Anything that anybody asked you for, you would willingly give, because if you wanted another, it was there for the taking. What meaning would generosity have? In similar circumstances, what meaning would faith have? What meaning would surrender have if there was no fear, no need to control?

Those who find the idea of surrender most difficult because it seems to draw away from their sense of personal empowerment are in that situation precisely so that they can learn true surrender through letting go. They're given the ideal catalyst to look at the issues of control and fear so that they may begin to transcend them. It takes a great deal of courage, and a great deal of awareness to look at that intense fear in yourself, especially for one who has been abused, been hurt, or who has lacked that which seemed necessary for security.

As you look with greater space and clarity at the arising fear which demands judgment, you may penetrate a haze that has previously been opaque, and open a door of compassion for the self. Then you begin to see the divinity in yourself. When we speak of surrender to God, we must remember that all of you are God, that this divine energy is in each of you. Surrender to God doesn't mean saying "I give up," but letting go of the fear and coming back to that divine aspect of yourself. This is what you have faith in, and it heightens your sense of personal empowerment, because you know at the deepest level that you are and have always been invulnerable. Yes, you've suffered, but spiritually, you're invulnerable. You have always had that power. It is the power of love within you; it is the strongest power in the universe.

So you begin to look at the fear in yourself, the part of you that needs to control this, change that, needs to manipulate and hold on. You begin to notice, with gentleness, the fear from which need to control arises. You begin to treat yourself with compassion for those fears, rather than self-disparagement, to allow yourself to have had fear, to be gentle with yourself. As you do that, the need to control begins to dissolve. Your heart opens into connection with all that is. You are personally empowered because it's no longer a private empowerment. That being that knows its connection with all that is, knows its infinite power because it is not MY power or YOUR power, but the power of all living and loving energy wrapped together, hearts connected.

What, then, of this twelve-step idea of surrender to a higher power? You are not surrendering to something that is outside and separate from you. In surrendering to that higher power, you are surrendering to your own deepest wisdom. You are surrendering to the deepest place of love and connection within yourself. You're aligning yourself with that divine energy, opening yourself so that this energy may move through you, letting go of the walls of fear that have blocked it. This is what you must see, that surrender does not mean helplessness, or a making smaller of the self in any way. It is an expansion of the self by allowing the divine and the self to merge. Your surrender IS your empowerment, and when you have reached that place of surrender, you truly know that God's will for you and your will for yourself are one and the same. When you say "Thy will be done," you can say it with perfect trust, because that divine energy works in perfect harmony with your own deepest wisdom and love.

October 29, 1992, Anchorage, KY. Excerpts.

(The question was about working with fear and inner turmoil.)

Aaron: My dear ones, first you must look at the erroneous assumption that the turmoil and darkness you experience are your enemy. When you experience turmoil, that's just turmoil. When you experience fear, that's just fear. Then there follows the secondary reaction to that turmoil and fear. It is not the feared object nor the experience of fear that closes your heart and sends you into darkness so much as your reaction to that fear. Can you see the difference?

When you are lost in such fear or other negative emotion, there is real change in your physical being. You are energy, manifest as light. With the arising of fear there is a change in the chemical balance of the physical body and in the vibrational frequency of the light body. Energy is constricted and you truly feel the imprisonment of that darkness. When this pattern is understood, you learn that it need not be continued. You become free of reactivity to that which arises.

With practice of awareness you begin to notice that when physical perception or sensation first arise, you are in neutral about them. There is no aversion with the first moment of experience, only sense consciousness which registers as "seeing, seeing …" "touching, touching …" or perhaps, "knowing, knowing…" Then follows perception which labels what is seen, felt, or known-"seeing an angry face …" "touching heat" or " remembering pain." Awareness that discomfort accompanies the sensation or thought comes next, and then fear that you will be hurt by that experience, or that your needs will not be met as happened previously. This is the working of old mind patterns. With arising fear comes the shift from neutral consciousness of sensation or thought to aversion or clinging. This is when anger or greed arise, not anger at the object of aversion so much as anger in response to a sense of perceived attack. Old mind says, "this which has arisen may hurt me, as has happened before." Or if what has arisen brings pleasure, then neutral may shift to grasping, wanting more, or fear that it will not remain as it is. Attachment and aversion are both offshoots of fear.

You are not here to get rid of anything in your life. If turmoil or fear is what is experienced, you don't need to get rid of the catalyst for fear, nor of the experience of fear, to again be peaceful. You may allow the experience of fear with your heart as open as it can be, and with no judgment if it closes a bit. Then the old mind issues, the remembrances and the projections into future pain, fall away. None become part of this moment's experience. You are just present with this moment, and in this present moment there is no fear, only the immediate experiences of your senses.

Are you familiar with those sticky burrs that catch on your pants' legs as you walk through a meadow? The pants are the mind. The burrs are memories and projections. As they knot together, the collection becomes an unworkable mass, which closes you into darkness. You need not get rid of the burrs to restore light and space. Awareness, not aversion, is the tool that brings in light. Being mindful of the tendency to dwell in painful patterns of old mind, the burrs become just another arising. "Remembering, remembering…" "seeing, seeing"-anger, greed or whatever.

Increasingly, you find the ability to stay in this moment with its much more workable reality and allow the experience of it. When the experience is unpleasant, you note that discomfort, "feeling aversion…" and begin to find some compassion for the human you are, stuck in an uncomfortable place. Judgment falls away; reactivity falls away. You begin to know that you need neither suppress nor act upon the catalyst, just open the heart to make room for it. It takes courage and strong awareness to do so.

When you do this, you return to your connection with the light. There is harmony once again, and serenity. You need not grasp to do this work, just be mindful. Lightness, open-heartedness, lovingkindness, patience, generosity, energy, courage and more-these qualities are all natural to you. They are all seeds already planted, a natural part of the incarnation. You do not need to create them, nor to grasp at them, but to allow them to blossom by awareness of that which blocks them. Small seeds cannot bloom in darkness, no matter how much water and good soil you provide. If you put the seed in a pot, and then put it in a dark closet, it cannot grow. It needs light.

You offer light by giving merciful awareness to your fear, touching that fear with compassion. Here is a human who is afraid. Why condemn her/him? That judgment is just another pattern of old mind, something which may be investigated and let go. There is so much ego and fear in unworthiness, so much desire to maintain a separate self which hurls blame. Was there an illusion of safety in that solid self?

Your mindfulness to your reaction of fear is a way of opening the closet door and letting in light. Mindfulness offers a way of observing, "This fear is not who I am. I am experiencing fear at this moment, experiencing anger or clinging as the outgrowths of fear, but that's not who I am."

As you begin this practice you start to see that each catalyst is in fact a gift offering you the opportunity to practice being present with pain without pulling the closet door closed behind yourself, without needing to seek protection. As you learn that you are safe, you see that armoring is a pattern of old mind. You become increasingly able to remain open and vulnerable. Old mind is clearly seen for what it is and no longer screams "Shut the door!"

There is no "getting rid of" anything, no grasping, just an opening heart that finds space and compassion for all that lies in the realm of human experience. There may be pain or sadness at a catalyst, but no hatred. There is increasing willingness to be with whatever is experienced because it is clearly seen that the pain and sadness are workable. Then the arising of that which is uncomfortable no longer leads to grasping for control, to aversion, to clinging. Whatever arises will still arise, but your relationship with it is changed and there is quietness, peace, equanimity and joy, even in the face of pain.

December, 1992, Ann Arbor, MI

(It's not all work. At times we and Aaron just "hang out" together, sharing informal talk and laughter.)

Question: Do you associate at all with beings of other densities beside third?

Aaron: I have a wonderful cat; I'm sorry there is no way to share the experience of it with you. It is a disincarnate second density ball of energy, a playful and loving entity. I think of it as feline rather than canine because it is rather independent. It often appears for awhile, curls its energy body up close to my own, and rests there. Then it goes off again, and returns on its own whim and not mine. It glows a warm orange, and seems to enjoy rubbing that flaming light against my white energy field. I can not communicate complex ideas with it; it lacks the mental maturity to understand such. It communicates joy and sadness, fear and love very articulately. It becomes increasingly self-aware. It often moves in seeming appreciation of the joy of movement. It leaps after bits of light, and plays like any incarnate cat. Had it a voice, I'm sure it would audibly purr; I must content myself with enjoying the silent purr of its happy heart.

Question: What do you do in your spare time?

Aaron: I am never bored. I do have friends on many planes and have no need to share identical space/time with them in order to interact. One pastime we enjoy is bridge. It is a stimulating pursuit that we can enjoy telepathically, just a pleasant way to keep in touch with friends and sharpen our minds. We need no material cards as we all have the concept of these available. It is played much the way you might play chess long distance. Remembering the cards is not difficult, nor is following the play, but it does take some effort to learn to telepathically shuffle and deal!

Question: (Teasing) I've got new socks, Aaron (shows socks with Christmas design),and you upper density beings can't have them.

Aaron: We've been through this before. The socks have free will. Would you intrude upon that? We do not take them but if they choose to move to these densities, should we refuse them permission to enter? Why don't you talk to these socks and ask what it would take to have them remain in your wardrobe through a number of washings?

Question: Aaron, if I create my own reality, why can't I create socks that don't disappear in the wash?

Aaron: Because you create your reality and the socks create theirs. To intrude your will on another is a form of violence. Here we have the practice of satyagraha in a wash load: you may invite them to consider your perspective but may not force that upon them! What a wonderful opportunity these socks offer. Perhaps when they disappear it is a hasty retreat from the intensity of your need. Have you never noticed that it's only the socks you most want that disappear and not the bland ones about which you have no concern? When they disappear, you might take that as indication that the reality you most need to create is one that gives you opportunity to practice letting go!

Copyright © 2000 by Barbara Brodsky