December 8, 2002 Sangha Meeting Notes

On December 8, 2002, the Deep Spring Sangha held a meeting to address: How do we want to manifest Deep Spring into running Deep Spring?

The intent was described as:

We would like to spend some time exploring how we can bring our practice more directly into the process of defining the organization. Some questions can be: How can we support a kind and loving space as we work through our growing pains? How can we hold that loving space to allow each of us to be fully present in whom we are, what we feel and still be able to participate? How can we directly extend our practice of compassion and openhearted presence with whatever arises within ourselves to the full Sangha? Can we agree on some 'norms' for how we work together in meetings based on the dharma? How can we open our hearts to the searching and gently support the organization's growth?

Over 25 people attended the meeting. Using scenarios where one could apply Aaron and Barbara's teaching, five groups explored what principles do we want to use as an organization. Below is a summary of the principles discussed during the meeting. The meeting notes follow below the summary.

A Distillation of Suggested Principles for Guiding DSC Actions
– as developed at the Sangha Meeting of Dec. 8, 2002

1. Everything that we do in DSC gives us an opportunity to practice acting and being with an open heart and compassion for ourselves and all beings.

2. We will strive to:

• communicate openly and listen deeply. While it is not appropriate or feasible to fully communicate everything to everyone in all situations, we will attempt to communicate with each other as openly as we can.

• listen fully and deeply to what others are saying and try to develop a full understanding of the meanings and intentions.

• hold the intention to respond in a way that lets people know that they are heard, understood and appreciated.

3. We will strive to understand others without judgment.

4. We will strive to speak directly to people when appropriate and not to engage in spreading rumors, gossip, or partial understanding.

5. When DSC decisions are made, we will provide as much opportunity for input as is feasible, and we will attempt to find solutions that incorporate and integrate the needs, desires, and preferences of the members of the Sangha while effectively using the talents, skills, and knowledge of individual members to develop creative and skillful results.

6. We will act with respect and appreciation of all and an intention to support others in their practice while skillfully avoiding harm to any and cause no suffering. Among other things, this implies that we will try to listen before we speak, support group processes that facilitate collective activity, respect the needs and characteristics of others, and intend to respond skillfully to the inevitable choices that all of us make which are unskillful and reactive.

7. We will develop a culture of generosity. We will thank people often and cultivate numerous ways to show people their efforts are appreciated

Sangha Meeting Flip Chart Notes 12/8/02

Agenda:

Notes:

Since much of the meeting was discussion or reports of discussions, what follows is a copy of the scenarios that were handed out and an highly edited summary of the conclusions and principles generated by groups working on the scenarios that were given to the small groups. The full group was broken into groups of four or five people and each group was given two scenarios to work on.

Instructions:

Below are a number of scenarios describing events that could happen with DSC. We are interested in exploring what skillful responses are possible in these situations and what principles we can distill to guide our actions within Deep Springs. We are asking you to break into 5 groups of 5 or 6 people and for each group to discuss its assigned two scenarios. Please be prepared to report a summary of your discussions to the full group in 30 minutes.

1. Christopher walks into the new DSC building. As he looks around, the thought comes to him that the main room is bare and the noise from the street is distracting. He feels somewhat annoyed that this is the room for meditation that the Sangha will be using for the next couple of years.
   
   What might Christopher do?
   
   Assume that Christopher walks in to the Office Managers office and says: "This building does not have the right atmosphere for meditating. Don't you think that the Site Search Committee should have looked further?"
   
   How might the Office Manager respond in a skillful way?
   What are the principles that underlie your answers?
   
   
   
2. Mary has had a busy morning getting her family to Church and back. Her mother-in-law is in town and things have been a little testy. Her mother-in-law had agreed to watch the children so that Mary could go to the Sangha meeting that was being held at the DSC building. Mary's husband has tickets to the hockey game and has gone for the afternoon.
   Even though she has hurried, Mary walks into the meeting late and there is a discussion going on about how to schedule meditation classes in the summer. Mary feels strongly about this because in the past the classes have always been scheduled at times when should could not go and she feels that her needs have not been taken in to account by the schedulers.
   
   What would be a skillful way for Mary to act in this situation?
   
   Assume that Mary waits until the current speaker is almost done and then jumps in to the conversation saying: "I have something to say. We should schedule the classes at 10:00 Wed. morning because mothers can get away at that time. And we should have someone here to take care of their children so that they can go to class. No one ever takes our needs into account when they do scheduling and I don't think that this is the way we ought to be operating in this Sangha. The scheduling should be done by the whole Sangha and we should have our classes at a time when everyone can get there."
   
   What might be a skillful response by Sangha members who are listening toher?
   What are the principles that underlie your answers?
   
   
   
3. Tim has just finished attending a day long retreat. He is hanging around as people leave, touching base with other Sangha members that he hasn't talked to in a while. Judy comes by, gives him a hug, and says: "What's going on with Terry? He looked nervous all day today, and when I just talked to him, he was short with me. Do you think that he is mad because he wasn't able to get in to the March retreat and I was? Or did he just talk to Barbara and get told that he hasn't been doing his share of the building clean up. I know that he hasn't been volunteering his time to help us keep the building clean."
   
   How might Tim respond skillfully to Judy?
   
   What are the principles that underlie your answers?
   
   
   
4. Jerry has been to a number of DSC retreats and attends a meditation class. She doesn't know many of the people in the Sangha very well. She has a severe case of mononucleosis and can't get around very well. Mona, another Sangha member who doesn't know Jerry very well, hears of her situation.
   
   How might Mona respond?
   
   Assume that Mona is talking to Bridget. Bridget is preparing a large meal for a party. Mona asks Bridget if she could prepare some extra food and take it to Jerry. Mona does not feel that she has the time, and only has enough food on hand for the group she was cooking for. Cooking more would requiregoing to the store and she doesn't have the time or money to do that comfortably.
   
   How might Bridget skillfully respond?
   What are the principles that underlie your answers?
   
   
   
5. Toni is a member of a group that is redecorating the DSC building. Tom has come up to her and said that he really doesn't like the current wall paper and even though he is not going to be in the building a lot he would be glad to donate enough money to get the whole hall redone in red. However, he does not feel that any color other than red will have the right effect and will not provide the funds for another color of wall paper. Millie, another Sangha member who often attends sittings, tells Toni that if she decorates in Red, she will not be able to use the building.
   
   What might Toni skillfully do?
   What are the principles that underlie your answers?
   
   
   
6. At the request of the Board, Fred has been working with several others on a task group for six months on a proposal for building a DSC web Chat Room on the web where people can talk freely on topics of their choice and committees can share secured files. The task group has invested hundreds of hours defining DSC requirements and researching available software to meet those needs within the available budgets. One day, Fred was enthusiastically telling the board liaison to the task group about the final proposal. She said to tell the group thanks but the Board decided that DSC no longer wanted to use the web as a way of communicating. Fred felt angry and deeply disrespected and unvalued.
   
   What might Fred and the Task Group skillfully do?
   What DSC teachings can help guide them as they attend to the situation?
   
   
   
7. Rita has been a member of two DSC Committees for seven years. She was the Chairman of the Retreat Committee for the last six years. She has spent 10-20 volunteer hours per week on Sangha business. One month, Rita tells the Committee Chair that she will not be able to be on the committee any more. When asked why, she vaguely mentions other obligations. The following month she resigns from the Retreat Committee for the same reasons. Thereafter, Rita is no longer seen at DSC events. Some people occasionally run into her at individual people's parties.
   
   At a recent Sangha meeting, Rita's name came up as someone who has contributed much to the DSC and whose presence and knowledge is deeply missed?
   
   What, if anything, would be skillful and kind things to do in this situation?
   Does it matter to DSC as a whole or as individuals when a person just leaves?
   What principles might be applied in this instance?
   
   
   
8. LeeAnn believes she is a long time member of the Sangha. That is, she attended classes for several years, has been an active committee member for years and attends retreats once a year or so. LeeAnn has often been a Retreat Manager because she cannot afford the full retreat cost. Lately she has not attended retreats because she would like to attend without being a Retreat Manager and she feels there is a stigma attached to always requesting a scholarship.
   
   Then, LeeAnn found out that the Board was sending letters of appreciation to all the people who have donated money to DSC in the past few years. LeeAnn feels totally left out and that her volunteer work is unappreciated.
   
   What might LeeAnn skillfully do? What might the Board do?
   What principles underlie your answers?
   
   
   
9. Johnathon is a member of the DSC Sangha. He is at a retreat that is supposed to be silent. The two people that he is sharing a room with, David and Michael, persist in talking to each other about the Sangha and about things that are going on in their lives. Johnathon finds this very annoying and it is disturbing the quiet that he is trying to sustain through his meditation. He thinks to himself "Why come on retreat? I can deal with this at home."
   
   If he were practicing the principles that we are trying to manifest, how might Johnathon act in this situation?
   
   If Johnathon did not handle the situation skillfully, but instead blew up at David and Michael during one of the periods when they were talking, how would David and Michael respond to Johnathon's anger if they were acting skillfully?
   
   What principles or guidelines are implicit in the responses that you would like to see?
   
   
   
10. Another meditation group has come to Barbara and asked if they could use the DSC building on Wednesdays and Thursdays for their practice. Many of the people in this group are friendly with Deep Springs' members and they feel that this would be a compatible arrangement. Agreeing to do this would provide significant income to DSC, but would also disrupt a number of classes and other arrangements that have been set up?
    
    How might Barbara usefully respond in this situation? What decision making process should be used to address this question? What principles are implicit in your thoughts?
    

Comments and Notes:

Principles to use in determining how to act:

-          Right Action

-          Right Speech (with Meta)

-          Loving kindness

-          Strive for clear comprehension of purpose

-          Generosity is freely given – not in response to guilt
 

Key questions to ask: 

-          Is it kind?

-          Does it contribute to harm/suffering/well being?
 

Principles and guidelines

-          If you are concerned about someone else, send Metta

-          Deal directly with people, don't talk to others instead.

-          Right speech

-          Present moment
 

Principles 

-          Honor our work, and our commitments

-          All who are affected by major decisions should have a chance to have a say (whenever possible)

-          In our DSC work we should operate with guiding principles not rigid rules

-          Have flexibility with integrity

-          Money is not our highest good (and generally should not be the primary determinant of our decisions)

-          When we have a reaction to what someone else does, it is skillful to be with the response and sit with it first, and then to respond with an open heart.

-          At the moment of a blowup it is harder to be skillful. It may be best at that point to be aware of our own contraction and not respond at the moment.

-          It's all practice.

-          Sit with it, but attend to it – with love for self and others. Don't let things go without dealing with them but do so after we have had a chance sit with our own reactions.

-          Recognize/acknowledge the pain other feel.

-          Recognize the need to accept individual differences and close loops on interactions with appropriate timing.
 

Basic Principles 

-       Listening

-        Looking deeply together – own motivation

-        Move past reactivity and attachment

-        Bring questions to Sangha if relevant

-        Clear communication

o      Deep listening

o      Being present in the moment with an open heart

-        Investigate how the problem occurred to begin with

-        Look at intentions and have clear intentions from the start

-        Make room for mistakes

-        Patience

-        Joint responsibility

-        Honest expression

-        Clear ongoing communication

-        Clear pathways for people who find it difficult to speak

-        Appropriate follow-up
 

Principles

-        Listening (to the unsaid as well as the said) and deep listening to each others points and anger

-        Non-judgmental – open heart

-        Bring to the Sangha if relevant

-        Need to be heard

o      Mediator

o      Expert

o      Creative solutions

-        Looking deeply together

-        Move past reactivity

-        We should be investigating the roots of miscommunications when they occur.
 

Solutions

-        Develop a culture of thanking people

o      Thank people seven times before asking for more time or money

o      Have many ways to show people that their efforts are appreciated

-        Have open lines of communication and clear communication about decision processes

-        Have a past volunteer appreciation celebration

-        We should reach out to people who have left active participation in DSC and get them to provide feedback to DSC

-        Ensure that volunteering comes from generosity and not guilt.

-        Each of us should look at the effect of wanting to be appreciated on our motivation

-        All committees should have regular "check-ins" to insure that the members are doing ok.

Principles

-        Act on full information

-        Don't take everything personally – keep in perspective

-        Want voice, then participate

-        Notice own response

-        Skillfully choose where to put energy:

o      First deal with being annoyed

o      Then address the situation working with the annoyance

-        Compassion for self and others

-        Speak directly to people involved – don't gossip to others

-        Consider others

-        Offer constructive criticism/alternatives

-        Listen in an open hearted way – make sure there is clarity about positions and complaints

-        Direct people with problem/complaints to the appropriate place of people to have them addressed

-        Remember that each individual has choice how she/he will act #150; self responsibility

-        Try to remember that we are all trying to act from mindfulness, compassion and respect.

-        Remember to say nothing to someone that has not been said directly to the person involved

-        Make sure to understand what has already been said in a meeting or discussion before speaking

-        Apologize when appropriate

-        Own your own needs

-        Propose constructive solutions

-        Deep listening – listen as if the speaker is "you", then look for the underlying need

-        Making sure everyone is heard and that their concerns are understood

Suggested Future Activities 

1. It would be nice to have a social time Sangha meeting.

2. It is important that we have some continuity in our Sangha meetings – perhaps quarterly. We will have the dedication meeting in January.

3. On April 13 we will have a Sangha meeting devoted to the state of the Sangha. This is intended by the Board to be an annual event.

4. We don't want to lose the thread of what we did today – living from principles.

5. We might come together over real scenarios in the future.

6. We might develop a habit of coming together for problem solving meetings to look at particular issues as they come up. "Pizza and practice" meetings.

7. We could have "living the practice" meetings every two months or so with some topic of focus at each meeting.

8. We need ways that people can present their concerns – also a way that the Board can.

There will be a 6 pm to 8 am sitting at the new building on New Years Eve. Kate will lead the sitting and people can come and go. Kate will put out a schedule so that people will know the schedule. Questions should be directed to Kate.