Brazil Journal 2014 post 1, Jan 9

Post 1: January 9, 2014, 6AM

This is the first of the journals for my Brazil trip, 2014. Each new post will have a new number.

Suddenly I leave for Brazil in 3 days, and much needs to be done. My body has been a barometer of changes, as usual, pointing out the tensions not yet fully recognized and released. I awakened this morning with some body pain and a kind of ‘buzz' of urgency, “miles to go.” My office was freezing, heat had been turned down, so I went back to bed, covers pulled up warm against this 0 degree dawn, and asked myself to just lay in bed and meditate for an hour.

First mind was filled with the pressing plans for today and tomorrow, mostly 4 unexpected medical appointments: specialists for the sprained knee, chiropractor, and a revisit to the oral surgeon. These were to be “packing days.” My co-leader for the trip is sick and cannot do some of the organizational work she had planned to come and do. And Saturday is filled with a close friend's mother's funeral and DSC meeting. Tension! Aaron asked me that useful question, “Where is the suffering?” and, “If you had to leave for the airport in 2 hours, could you do so?” Yes, I could, disorganized, leaving ‘needed' things behind, but yes. I put “needed” in quotes because nothing is needed! Arrive and buy a toothbrush in the airport!  It's just the perception of mind that wants things to be ‘just so' and wants to feel in control. And the suffering is from the grasping, as always.

I'm happy to see I am not really suffering, though definitely somewhat attached!

Watching the body barometer, I see the fascia (connective tissue) trembling slightly, held in tension, and feel the subtle pains in shoulder and back generated from that habitual tension. This is such an ancient habit, something I often teach with the ‘pushing arms' exercise, watching the ways we contract when pushed and that we can relax into an already present openness as we bring attention to the tension and - how best phrased? - not ‘let it go' as that's too much ‘doing', but simply observe the doing until it falls away and we see the non-doing, the emptiness. We watch the tension and the ever present ‘not tense' and rest in that spaciousness of true nature.

This morning I did some metta, then moved into the akashic field practice. I want to explain a little here because people usually read these Casa journals.  This has become my primary practice, along with vipassana; it's basically a translation of the Tibetan Dzogchen Togyal practice, very simplified and without the many visualizations. Vipassana and non-dual awareness are at the base.  The translation works for me. Anyone who wants to know more can read instructions and discussions in the DSC archives: Aaron/ akashic topics...

I find this practice immensely powerful because it so totally combines the clear consciousness of vipassana with the innate awakened state, wisdom and compassion. First there was noting of the various tensions held in the body and causing pain, and compassion for the human feeling such discomfort. The next step (not really a step; that is too linear) the next place attention moves is to the open and pain free fascia, the body free of pain, and the quiet mind, which exist simultaneously with any pain or agitated mind. It's not either / or, but both. We don't deny the pain and don't get lost in it. We see the spaciousness but not choose it as escape from discomfort. Where do I give my energy and attention? I cannot move from pain or agitation as escape, but repeatedly do so when I simply become aware of the holdings of body and mind as expressions old conditioning, note how those patterns have caused suffering, and consciously choose not to enhance them any more.

Aaron constantly reminds us, “That which is aware of pain is not in pain; that which is aware of fear is not afraid.” I find it fascinating that he was teaching us this from day one, 25 years ago. Gradually, many of us are getting ready to take it beyond the conceptual, and the akashic field practice does allow that next step. I find the practice of “Clear Comprehension” is helpful there too. What is my highest purpose in this moment, to continue to hold the armoring of lifetimes or to let it go and return to the clear mind? It's just a reminder there is always choice, and the liberated mind/ body are always there.

So eventually mind quieted, body relaxed, and finally there was just emptiness laying in bed, few thoughts, great ease, spaciousness and joy. Now on to the days' work.