Brazil journal 2014 Post 13 March 8-9

The cataract surgery has come and gone very peacefully. Resting on a “bed”, eye drops to numb the eye, very comfortable position on a soft surface, kind people; I could feel the Entities with me, especially Aaron, the Mother, and Dr. Augusto, throughout. The whole operation after prep was less than ½ hour, then 40 minutes recovery room time. I had vision immediately, though not clear at first. My fear was of no vision for a while, even more than a day, which was a possibility, and having no way for people to communicate. Hal and Amy K were there when I came into the recovery room, prepared to help me “hear” if necessary by signing into my hand but it wasn't needed. Doctor exam; it looks good. On to breakfast with Hal and Amy and home to sleep all afternoon.

The vision is startling! Bright colors; crisp lines! There are still floaters; that's a different function of the eye, caused by some small bleeding that has continued these 10 years since the wave, and for which they cannot find the cause without the risk of doing more damage. The wave incident was April 2004. Hard to believe it has been 10 years! But I'm seeing colors I have not seen in a decade, and much more light, I realize how much I've been looking out of a “dirty window.” That's the only analogy I can think of.  Friday morning, day after the surgery, when I first opened my eyes at dawn, the sky was a lovely shade of lavender blue I had forgotten existed...

Scanning the body now, post Casa:

-Torn knee ligament is fully healed.

-Cataract removed; I will probably need a new Rx for glasses but vision is good. Without glasses I can read highway signs, which I couldn't read last week with glasses. Right eye is about the same 20/200 vision.

-Left shoulder; much less pain after steroid injection into the bicep tendon last week. I know the entities are helping too. But there is still pain and little range of motion. Hopeful very gradual strengthening with PT will help. Today, resting on my back for ½ hour after the Remembering Wholeness service, I felt Entities working on the shoulder as well as the overall body energy.

-Both knees still have arthritis and can be painful. Hopefully PT will help this too. Pain comes and goes.

-Lower abdomen; I still feel them working in there occasionally, a sharp pinching sensation. The muscles do feel stronger.

-Stenosis: the legs are stronger, no longer collapsing at all. Aaron predicts they will do more with the spine once the muscles are stronger. Again, PT to help this.

-Sore on shin of leg. It did fade 98% within three days after Dr. Valdivino looked at it and said “I'll take care of this.” However, it's not fully gone; there is a very tiny raised red area. It keeps getting smaller. No pain and not a concern.

-Energy is starting to return. Tomorrow I'll go back to the gym and start exercising gently. Feldenkrais is also very helpful in restructuring old patterns of imbalance and weakness. I'm blessed by DJ, a very skillful teacher.

And the spirit: practical and internal.

-I haven't had time to return to the book. I AM coming out of my dark closet. My office is very much cleaned and junk discarded or taken to Recycling. Friends have helped. The new desk (built by a friend out of three 2x10's, 8 feet long) goes in today in front of the long window wall. It will rest on 2 filing cabinets. A friend has given me a beautiful 30” apple monitor, older model so it has hopes of working with my present old Mac. Another friend is coming tomorrow to move the tech things from the old closet desk and help get this set up, thou it will be a while for the monitor as it needs special cables, still to be ordered (no longer made; I must bid on e-bay once I'm sure exactly what's needed! I do sense it will fall in place fast). The new area will still need some kind of window covering for morning sun and lights hung to work in the evenings,. So a little more time is still needed for all of this.

Tomorrow I plan to read through what is written thus far and start writing daily. I feel very happy about this. I also recognize the need to do more meditation and stay connected with Spirit; this book is a collaboration! I feel spirit just waiting patiently until I am ready to move ahead.

The coming out of the dark is both actual and metaphor: new desk in the light by 3 big window-doors; lots of accumulation thrown and given away so office is spacious and uncluttered. Eyes capable of taking in ever so much more light, I am startled and rejoice every time I see a new color. I am no longer fretting over the condition of the body. All I can do is take care of it with regular exercise and wholesome meals, and trust that all is well and all will be well. I'm learning what that means; no grasping at any outcomes; fully engaged, inviting desired outcomes, then letting go; just resting in spaciousness and the loving, open heart.

So I feel myself in a very open space of joyful possibilities, open to see what comes next without condemnation if it doesn't immediately please me. Just let the plan reveal itself, yet stay balanced to invite that which is intended.

Classes and retreats for the spring are underway and I feel an enthusiasm for teaching that I had lost in recent years, just feeling too tired. But now it feels like everything is open; everything is possible.

This seems like a good place to end this annual casa journal. I do keep a regular journal, have for 40 years, but rarely share it. If something worth sharing comes up, I'll post it here, so I invite readers to have a look on occasion and see if anything is new.