Brazil journal 2014 Post 10: Feb 6 morning:Feb 7 evening

I have not been writing in my journal, but waiting until this afternoon after surgery revision so as not to stress my eyes. However, yesterday afternoon I went through the line with Heather to interpret, to show them the sore (farida) that remains on my leg, improved but still very much there; This has been present for 2 years; my Michigan doctor and I watch it. Nothing heals it completely; it improves and returns big again in a month or two. So Heather showed it to him (I think it was Dr. Valdivino). He looked, then said operation this morning; he will attend to it.  She asked about the cataract but never got a full answer, only “general operation today” on various areas of concern. Heather agreed with me to just see what he does. He knows about the cataract. If he doesn't remove it today, then it will be removed this spring in Michigan and the Entity will be there to help.

I've been thinking a lot about what I want to do not with my life; what are my most vital areas of service? AK and I have been talking about co-creation with spirit, in service, and bringing forms of that co-creation out into the world; also the earth transition into a higher vibration and density. This goes beyond vipassana, but not at all beyond the original conception for DSC, as part of its “spiritual inquiry” side. Aaron has spoken of our move into Light since day one, and how rising human consciousness and vipassana  practice are part of each other.

But as DSC reforms itself, I don't know if there will continue to be space for me to do what I feel I need to do, such as this October workshop. So I asked (actually AK and I asked together, through Heather as interpreter) for blessings and support to have a venue for this work in raising consciousness. He said to Heather about me “She is a very loving person” which gave me joy to hear from him, though I do know that I am such without his acknowledgment of it.  He said he gave his blessings. He will help.   I hope this ‘space' will continue to be part of DSC but I don't want to push the teacher council but to abide by consensus agreements. Of course, no one has to come with me, just to allow me to follow my own leadings. We'll see.

DM said, in a reply to a student, discussing attending to negativity,  on which he copied me: (bold is mine)

Darkness cannot take you anywhere you don't already know how to go. The only reason they can have any influence on you, or even be anywhere near you at all is because you have darkness and separation within. So work on dispelling the illusion of separateness. Light enters in, and darkness cannot stand before it. Then the work is to remove the obstacles to the light, because they create shadows. I would think that is the DSC focus, if I were to sum it up. Aaron could say it more beautifully and precisely, of course.

I know DM is right, and this has been our focus since day one, with vipassana as an essential tool but not all of the picture. We don't practice vipassana to become vipassana practitioners but for liberation in the deepest sense; and to bring love and release fear, hatred and suffering, not just to ourselves personally but to the whole world, and universe. We open ourselves to the already awakened self, the Light within. Each “candle” helps. So I'm not asking to go somewhere new, only to continue what we started in DSC 25 years ago.

Time to go to operation!

Feb 7  5PM after surgery rest.

The Entity just invited the whole second time line to surgery. I think half my group is now in bed for the next 24 hours.

This surgery for me was more spiritual than physical, though I am certain they did physical work on the body too.  I came back about 10, slept until lunch, then went back to bed fully expecting to sleep through afternoon and evening. Instead I lay there wide awake for ½ hour, gradually sinking into a semi-conscious space where I felt surrounded by spirit and by loving energy. I wasn't really meditating, yet I guess I was; it was like a deep but lucid meditation.

I found myself in a circle of Brothers and Sisters of Light, as I have experienced at times through the years. I am “young” to this circle of elders, yet loved and respected, as we all are. Often I find myself just meditating in this circle, held in their energy. Occasionally there is a needed discussion. My first encounter with this Circle was about 15 years ago, and I write about it in chapter 13 of Cosmic Healing, There I write:

“As soon as I began to meditate, I felt myself surrounded by a loving circle of Beings I saw as “Elders.” Feeling very young, I stated my intention, to begin to live my wholeness for the good of All Beings. I asked if I might join the circle. I had a sense that I didn't need anyone else's permission, that the decision was mine but that I must understand what I had asked. What followed was not my imagination, but the fruit of a deep meditation process. I was conscious, but not experiencing from the personality self. Instead, a deeper awareness participated.”

I return to this circle, that I now understand as “family” with some regularity, and on occasion,  I'm led to ask a question or spoken to.  Aaron was there but not leading the discussion. Instead, there was a very ancient Buddhist monk, with kind eyes, who said to me, tell us all you know of Dharma. I have met him before but don't know his name, if he has one. His energy is brilliantly clear. I simply began to talk; the four noble truths; suffering and cessation of suffering; the non-duality of mundane and supramundane; the path to liberation as I understand it; the errors in a linear interpretation such as is sometimes made in some traditions, but focus on the simultaneity of the one who is caught and the already present liberated, awakened Awareness.  The rest of the Council just listened. This one monk asked leading questions, helping me to form links between many things I already know, to articulate how traditional Buddha Dharma and the broader teachings and practices of  Light, energy, non-dual awareness, and the fact of transition of consciousness on earth fit together.

An interruption: someone just brought me my requested acai pudding, with nuts, bananas and chunks of chocolate, It's 5:45 but , lacking a refrigerator and it's 85 degrees, I ate it, thinking of beloved friend Carl's philosophy, ”Life is short; eat dessert first.”

I need to see that many people are fed, who are in bed after this afternoon's surgery. More after dinner.

Back from a very light dinner, a little fish eggplant and veggies, and someone gave me a dark chocolate bar that I have saved for tomorrow and the weekend, to nibble on!.

The Monk wasn't giving me answers so much as leading me deeper into what I already know, to uncover the synapses. Mind was in a deep place and so many insights came. I felt the loving support of the Circle, holding me and gently urging me to have courage to make these leaps of insight.

Finally it felt complete.  Then Aaron stepped in and said, “This can be your new book,” making it clear I wasn't ‘ordered” to write it but offered.  I said I had no notes or idea how to begin and Aaron just said, “I am here and will help.” Gradually the spirit circle fell away and I slept. I had been with them over 3 hours.

I have been asking for guidance for these 4 weeks, “What next for me; what is my path of service now?” and had clarity that I need to cut back on travel and spend more time at home, to take care of the body and to write. I want to move my desk to in front of the big windows, get a larger (30” or so) monitor so I can sit back and still read the screen clearly, easy on eyes, and legs elevated on a footstool as they should be for my vascular health.  Expensive monitor but it will manifest itself somehow.  So here is the guidance!

This morning I spent another 3 hours, this time with Aaron, again in a meditative space, awake and not quite awake, as he helped me understand the flow of the book and the focus. It will be accessible, not just for advanced dharma students, but will go deep. It will be a bridge between clear, traditional dharma, and these teachings of evolution of consciousness. Each chapter will have clear exercises/ practices and each will lead on to the next or interconnect in such a way that those synapses become apparent and a path is shown that can help people live more fully in the Light.  It seems to pull together everything I have learned the last 40 years. Even 10 years ago I could not have simplified it. It would have gotten lost in complexities. But now I can.

I don't want to strain the eyes and type any more tonight.  I'll post this now.