0204to0615journal

Journals, Feb 4,5,6, 2015

Wednesday, Feb 4, 2015 journal

No time to write; busy with the group. This morning I was in  the main Hall, waiting to take people through the line to see the Entity. He was on the stage (really just a small raised platform)  after doing some surgery. I was right in front of him on the floor. He was looking around, then made eye contact with me, a very deep  and loving look, gentleness and love in his eyes, giving me a big smile. I had been feeling much gratitude after watching the surgery, for his enormous skill and kindness, and gratitude to Joao for the work he does and how much he gives, so I think his smile partially was a way of expressing that he had received my thoughts. We held it about 3 seconds. It left me filled with joy. Then I helped my group through the line.

Afternoon current. Tired and in pain; slept through much of it.

Now Feb 5 and again it is too late to write in depth. My shoulder has been hurting more and more as each day passes since surgery, and I realize now I was feeling a sense of anger, sadness, even despair. Why is it not improved? "Why are they turning their backs on me" is the question my head was carrying. A wiser part of me notes this as an old story, and knows not to take these thoughts so personally; they are just my old conditioned stories, ancient ones, that come when I am tired and feeling shut out. But I was feeling disappointment it was not healed more, and also just am exhausted because pain prevents sound sleep.

This morning I was with my group in the main hall. I was wearing the shoulder sling to immobilize the arm  and help alleviate the pain. Heather (my friend who is a senior guide here and has been my mentor)  saw me and said she was concerned about the pain and would take me to second time line. She speaks fluent Portuguese.  The entity came out on stage again to do a visible operation. He saw me standing there (picking me out amidst 500 other people) and pointed to me. "I want you in my Current now!" So in I went. No second-time line.

It's not that he has absolute authority. I just really do trust him, as one might trust a love doctor who has proved he knows what he's talking about, and thus follow his guidance.

I sat where directed in the Entity's Current room. The first ½ hour, pain intensified. It felt like someone was stabbing my shoulder with knives. I also felt pain in the hip and back though not as intense. Within about ½ hour, the pain diminished and then stopped. By the time I left before lunch it was all almost pain-free. I took a taxi back to the pousada, ate and slept for an hour, exhausted. I decided to go back to his current since it was clear he wanted me there and spirit was working on me there.

Afternoon: as soon as I closed my eyes, I had a strong image of lying in a cooling stream that was washing away darkness. My body and spirit felt filled with light. I rested there an hour. It has been a long time since I have felt that light.  Dull sinus pain called for attention. This pain has been on-going the whole month before I left home, perhaps originating in the very dry air of the house. I have experienced it before though. My dentist even took x-rays and made certain  the problem was originated in the sinus, not the teeth. By the time I came here, I could no longer breath through my nose at night so could not use my CPAP.

Meditating, I had a strong image I have seen before. Some distant lifetime ago, the man I was, was put to death by elephant stepping on his face. It was a common way of execution. Pain, hatred fear contraction. The facial bones crushed. In this lifetime they (orbital bones and more)were damaged in 2004 in the wave accident, face hitting the bottom of the sea, bones broken. Seeing in the face, how the cells hold karma. I have lived a whole life with sinus problems.

I spent another hour with forgiveness meditation and metta (loving-kindness).  I began to visualize the face open and spacious, bones correctly aligned. I also envisioned that pure river pouring through, washing away any debris,  cleansing, restoring.  By the time I was done the sinus had stopped hurting. No time to write about this in depth tonight, but this is the heart of the akashic field practices; com passion for the relative reality of the pained body  and simultaneously KNOWING the ever-perfect.

I would like to write more but it is 8:45, time for bed.  The shoulder feels a LOT better. The sinus pain has not returned and the sinuses feel open; breathing is easy. These are enough notes to fill in later

Most of my group had operations yesterday or today.

Now Feb 6. Again it is late. Group is all settled and in bed, all doing fine.. More people had surgery today. I am trying to fill in the most significant details of my own exerience.

Stitches came out last night. This morning I went through the revision line. He gave me a card to get a massage. I have never had one prescribed before, though some people in my groups have. This is a very pleasant Rx. The massage therapists are mediums and work with some guidance from the Entities.  My appointment is for tomorrow at 3PM. Cost is very reasonable, an hour massage for 60 R which is equivalent to $24 US.

My shoulder is not entirely pain free but is infinitely better! No tendon pain, and shoulder joint itself feels much more open, and can move more.  Sinus is clear. I sat in his Current again this afternoon.  Once more, much light was the core of the hours there.

I will post this now and try to add some more details from memory tomorrow.