020215 journal

Feb 2 Journal (Monday)

I haven't written for 4 days. Operation was Friday morning and I've mostly been sleeping since. This morning my group (part of it, those coming on Delta 221 from Atlanta) arrived and are unpacking and settling in. I have perhaps an hour before lunch and hope to catch up here, although I may take a nap instead!.

How to describe surgery at the Casa to those who have never been here? First, there is visible and invisible surgery. Most people have the latter. Over age 60 one may not choose the visible, so I have always had invisible. We are told there is no difference in results. I've trusted that.

Thursday afternoon waiting in the line to see the Entity (when Joao – John of God- is serving as a medium to spirit and an entity is incorporated we refer to the one sitting in the chair as "the Entity" and not John of God or Joao.) I was in the main hall. The group for surgery had gone in. The Entity came out on the front platform with several people who had elected for visible surgery. One was a young woman limping very badly. She was standing against the front wall. There is no anesthetic as we know it, but an energetic block of pain. So the Entity passed his hand over her face and body and then sat down and proceeded to cut into her leg just at the knee. Some blood trickled out. He inserted a finger into the wound (no gloves; as I describe in "Cosmic Healing," the energy is so high it does kill any bacteria) , withdrew the finger, touched some around the knee, then asked her to walk. She beamed and walked with no limp. Huge smile. Then he asked her to flex the leg. Again a huge smile; clearly no pain. Usually they then sit people in a wheel chair and bring them to the infirmary for post-op care but he had her walk out to the infirmary!

I watched this procedure with such grasping and envy. I want that! Shoulder; knee; back. Fix it! The Entity was still on the platform, very near me. I looked into his eyes. He stared at me for a moment, then looked away, around the room, invited someone else from the 'audience"  (by audience I mean simply those waiting in the room to see him, hundreds of people.) up for visible surgery. It was a very clear "This is not what you need". I do trust him, but still lots of grasping.

My friend and mentor here, Heather, took me through the line, and with her perfect Portuguese told him about my shoulder, knee and back.  (At least shoulder and knee; he may have stopped her before she gave details of the spinal stenosis) He took my hand, smiled at me, said, "Operation  tomorrow morning" and looked away.

Fast-forward 18 hours.  I rode my bike to the Casa early Friday morning (with plans with a friend to ride it back as I would need to take a taxi after surgery). After an hour or so in the Main Hall, surgery was called and I filed in with maybe 100 others, to sit in the surgery room. It's just a room with rows of seating. One sits on the bench and closes eyes, places a hand over the area that needs help, or if more than one area or spiritual help, a hand over the heart. Sometimes I have felt there energy strongly, once so much that I could not walk after and needed a wheelchair to take me to the infirmary where I slept for several hours. But this year I didn't feel a lot. Yes, spirit around me, some small sense of pressure here and there on the body, a spaciousness and joy, but at the end (maybe 40 minutes) I simply rose and walked out when the session ended. I bought my surgery herbs (with the good exchange rate, 60 reais = only $24 for 2 months of herbs) , got into a taxi and back here to bed by 10AM.

Housekeeping had just cleaned my room and changed the sheets. It was good to tumble into a clean bed with fresh sheets.  I slept until noon, rose to eat lunch that was brought in, slept again until 6 and awakened smelling dinner placed on the table in my room. Then I was up  for around an hour, ate and showered. Back to sleep and slept though most of the next 12 hours, 7PM to 7AM, awakening only to use the bathroom. The operations continues for 24 hours and we are asked to stay quiet and in our rooms, meals brought to jus, to sleep and meditate, not disperse energy with entertainment (though lying in bed listening to music is fine). One's energy field is very open for this 24 hours so the guidance is to avoid conversations with others and stay quiet.

After breakfast I was tired and still in the 24 hours, so went back to sleep. I awakened at 11:45 and dressed to come out for lunch. After lunch another nap! It was a hot , blue sky, beautiful day and I felt stiff from all the hours of lying in bed, so with 2 friends, took a taxi to the pool and spent ½ hour in that cool and beautiful oasis, just floating and walking in the water a bit, no 'exercise.'  Back and looked at email, rested, had dinner and played a game ofQuirkle with my group, and very early to bed. Up Sunday for breakfast and the Casa Sunday morning Interfaith Service (a lovely service with inspiring readings and a lot of singing)

Through this 48 hours, there were periods free of pain and periods with a lot of pain, especially in the shoulder. I know the healing is never instant, and that they will keep working on me. I do get discouraged when I wake up to strong shoulder pain ("what am I doing wrong? Why is this now healed? Blah, blah, blah..."  When I wake free of pain there is the thought, "Oh good; it is working." A roller-coaster of blessings and fears...Taking these thoughts into meditation, I came back from the Sunday service, napped, then meditated through the rest of the day. The perfect body 9and mind and spirit0 are always here, and the distorted too. How do we hold space for that ever-perfect to fully express? What blocks the expression and how is it released? How do we do this all without a strong  sense of a self as doer? I think this part of the work has been the greatest gift of the Casa experiences for me. I learn more and more about work in the akashic field (I won't try to explain this to those readers who don't know the term but there are many transcripts with these teachings on the DSC archives. This learning about the simultaneity of relative and ultimate has been the core of my work with Aaron and of my teaching the past 5 years. Can there be compassion for the human who struggles without taking it so personally and getting caught in the stories of the pain? Can there be the wisdom that rests in the ever-perfect without attachment to it, knowing the Ultimate is always there but at times we  may not experience it.)

So I spent yesterday meditating, aware of pain and absence of pain, of the perfect shoulder/ back/ knee and the damaged ones. At 9:00 (here 3 hours later than you on EST) I turned down an invitation to a "Superbowl Party" in the courtyard of the pousada, and went to bed.

What about these body areas? What am I experiencing? The knee definitely feels stronger  and there is no more pain when I am lying down (it was waking me throbbing at night the past few months), at this point no pain while walking. It feels more stable, no longer like it will collapse with the slightest misstep. Back: It feels "stretched". Aaron  (for any who don't know me, Aaron is my non-physical guide) says they did some surgery around the openings where the nerves emerge causing the stenosis, and work on the bulging disks seen in the MRI. The "stretch" feeling is like an energetic cast to hold the spine open and remove pressure from the disks. They may leave it there for a long time. My spine feels less flexible, but stronger and less painful. I have not yet tried to walk any distance.  I am told (through Aaron) I may exercise gently in ways that tilt the pelvis in/ up, but not arching the back in any way. Shoulder: Sometimes there's a lot of pain; sometimes no pain; same with the tendonitis. It feels like there are many stitches so if my arm is still it is fine, but when I move it, big pain. Stitches everywhere will come out Thursday night, and then a surgery review Friday morning., Then I will be told by the Entity what to do next; more surgery? Exercise? Or? Meanwhile, I stay quiet and resting.

There is more i wanted to write but we have just finished lunch and I will rest, then bring the group by taxi to the waterfall  at 2:30.