Feb 9, 2015 Casa - The Simultaneity of the Relative and Ultimate in Healing

February 9, 2015 Barbara at the Pousada

Dharma talk from Barbara; simultaneity of relative and ultimate; how we find that balance as we heal.

Barbara: I want to talk tonight about that place where our brokenness and our wholeness come together. We come here to the Casa looking for something. Maybe it's repair of some part of our body. Maybe it's more finding an emotional wholeness in ourselves, releasing shame, releasing feelings of unworthiness, releasing fear. No matter how hard we try to get rid of what doesn't seem to function for us and get something else, we can't do it because we're caught in a belief that we have to get rid of something in order to get something else, rather than realizing the simultaneity of it. No denial that there's body pain or emotional pain, but rather a letting go of the belief that that this pain or limit defines you.

I learned a lot about this, without realizing I was learning it. Let's go back 50 years and more. I was a sculptor for many years before I became a dharma teacher. I taught sculpture at the University of Michigan. I made sculptures that were anywhere from 2' to 15' tall, most of them big pieces of welded bronze.

One cannot make a sculpture by imposing one's will upon the bronze. One invites co-creation with the bronze. In the same way, sometimes I carved with blocks of marble or wood. One has to find the sculpture that's already alive in that block and let it out, not say, "Now I'm going to make you into this."

I would start my bronze sculptures in an interesting way. I had big coils of copper tubing, maybe 75' coils of thin copper tubing, thinner than my little finger, coiled so when I opened them - can you picture how a spring looks when you stretch it? I'm going to draw something here. I'm just drawing... Okay, it looks like scribbles, yes? So I'd uncoil the copper tubing and it would swirl around. Then I'd pick strands of it... I'm simply drawing, here. Then I'm choosing lines that I want to emphasize. I don't know if you can see what I'm doing at all, but I'm choosing parts that I want to emphasize, so as to create what would be a whole sculpture, and then cutting off / erasing here, the parts of the tubing that I don't need.

Now, the result  (tape paused).   This sculpture is called "Ariel", 7 ½' with base, welded bronze. 1983. It has a motor in the base and turns very slowly 360 degrees around. Can you see the copper tubing underlayment?

For years I made sculpture this way, learning not to try to control the material, and not to be controlled by the material, but really to co-create with the material. And learning that the magnificent piece of sculpture I was envisioning, was already there; my work was to invite it to express itself. It was there; sometimes hard to find, sometimes very easy to find.

This sculpture is "Lael". About 1981.  It also is motorized.(sculpture photos removed for archives posting)

Only in the past decade have I really thought about this and how it applies to living the dharma and sharing the dharma. Each of us is like the fine lines underneath the darkened ones, all those squiggles: joy and confusion, shame, clarity, radiance, health, brokenness. It's all there.

I could as easily have done this-- I'll take another page here... I'm going to do the same thing. I'm just going to create squiggles of some sort. I emphasize some. It looks disjointed. It won't come together. That will never be beautiful. Let's emphasize that line. Let's emphasize this line. Let's emphasize that line. I have a mass of imbalance and confusion.

Because we tend to look at ourselves and see all the different aspects of our being, the places that are really radiant and beautiful get shoved to the side, just as here there are some beautiful lines that I could have followed to make, if I were to make it into a sculpture, what would have been a beautiful sculpture. But we get so sidetracked by the other things that we lose touch with that which is innately radiant and beautiful.

On the other hand, I could start with this sketch and say, "It's got to be perfect. Oh no, it's not perfect!" We learn how to find that which is beautiful and clear and whole in ourselves amidst the confusion and pain. We also, because of our deep aspiration to transform ourselves to express that radiance and beauty, we're willing to take care of that which is not so beautiful in ourselves. The parts of ourselves that become angry or impatient fast, that say hurtful words to others, that shame ourselves constantly, carry the whole myth, "I'm not worthy. I'm not good enough."

When we come to a place like the Casa, and also really equally at a meditation retreat, we have the opportunity to look at the big picture, to find, first, what arises in this moment? Maybe there's a thought of shame or sadness or confusion. Here is confusion. "Get rid of the confusion!" Here is judgment and aversion, and wanting to get rid of the confusion. "I can't get rid of it and I can't stop wanting to get rid of it." Here is futility, frustration, confusion, anger, aversion. Can I just sit and hold space for all of this? Can I be peaceful with it?

Whatever arises in us, in our bodies and in our minds, arises because the conditions are present for it to arise. We do not stop it by saying no. We stop it by paying attention to the conditions. Out of what conditions did this feeling of unworthiness or inadequacy arise? We don't even have to figure it out. Sometimes all we have to do is know it's arisen from invisible conditions and is very old. Maybe as a child I was constantly told, "That's not good enough. You can do better." Maybe the parent was really trying to encourage me. "You can do better. You can do better. Those B's on your report card are nice. Let's see A's." But there may have been a feeling, "I just can't do well enough." Not enough. But I don't even need to recall all that, just to recognize that the arising is the result of conditions, and for a lifetime I have been drawn in to these stories.

We take these conditions-- they're stuck on us. It's like if you walk through a meadow in the fall, in those areas of the U.S. that have autumn, and there are burrs, seeds on the bushes. If you're wearing fleecy clothes, they stick to you. If you walk through the meadow and say, "Oh, I'm accumulating burrs and thorns! What's wrong with me?" well naturally if you walk through the meadow where the burrs exist and with fleecy pants they're going to stick to the pants. It's the outflow of conditions. If you don't want the burrs to stick to your pants, you've either got to walk on different trails or you've got to wear smooth pants to which they can't stick.

Each of us has, a friend calls it the "Top Ten Hit Parade." We each have our own. I'm inadequate. I'm unworthy. Nobody loves me. I'm not smart enough. I have no manual dexterity. I can't do things. I'm weak. I'm always sick. I'm whatever. You each know your own. And we seem to go through life trying to prove that these are real. We even go out of our way. If there's an opportunity to be either capable or incapable, there's this little story line, "I'm the incapable one. Or "I'm the clumsy one." Okay, (thunk), oh, I spilled my water." We just keep repeating these habitual patterns.

We come to a place like the Casa. The entities cannot hold your arm back. If you're going to knock the water over, you're going to knock the water over. What the entities can do is to help you see the habitual patterns, the stories that run through again and again and again. I won't ask for a show of hands but I would guess that if I did, and I asked how many at least sometimes experience a strong sense of unworthiness or inadequacy, most of you would show your hands. I would. I don't experience it much anymore, but I used to. How many experience a sense of needing to be the one that gets things done, the one who takes care of things, that's the efficient and capable one? "I have to be responsible." "I'm not good enough." There are all these stories. Well, what happens is these stories start to twist our bodies. They get into the whole energy field of of our body and create distortions. They get into the organs.

I'd like you all to try something here. I want you to clench your fists, clench your jaw, tighten your whole body... Can you feel that? Now, what if you walked around like that 24/7? What do you think it would do to your muscles, your organs? And the sad thing is that we do. We're not aware of it.

So when we're here at a place like this, a "healing center," we cannot say to the entities, "Fix me. Heal me." Because if I'm clenched like this and an entity came along and... (deep breath), good, and then there's a loud noise and I clench again; the habit energy goes so deep.

Some of you have done this with me. Please be patient with me while I share it with those who have never done it. I'm going to make a loud shout. I want you to just sit here, relaxed. You're not going to know when I'm going to shout, but I'm warning you that I am going to shout. And then I just want you to watch what happens in your body when I shout, what happens in your mind. Does the body contract? Well, that's a pretty normal thing for the body to do, if there's startle, surprise, whatever. Is there then a thought, "I shouldn't contract."? Well, that's interesting. That's one of these habitual patterns, "I shouldn't contract." Why not? Are you human? If you're startled you'll probably contract. Another one might be, "No, I won't contract." Can you stop it from happening? (shout!)

Pause

So what happened? Did you contract? Are you still holding the contraction? A little bit, probably. Did a judgment arise about the contraction? A thought? Can you see that the thought is just a thought? It's also based on the conditions. "Boo!" Contract. Don't want to contract. Judgment. And then what next? Ahh, breathing in, I am aware of the contraction. Breathing out, I send love to the contraction. Breathing in, I am aware of the judgment. Breathing out, I smile to the judgment.

I don't have to be ruled by the judgment. I don't have to fix the judgment. I can just let it be. A judging thought has arisen out of conditions. It will go when it's ready to go. There's nothing holding it in place. This is the heart of the meditation that I teach, vipassana-- beginning to see what is so strongly conditioned in our bodies and our minds, how much judgment we hold against these bodies and minds; and the very real possibility to open ourselves in a different way, just to be present with kindness.

When we do that, there's a wonderful new possibility. We begin to see through all the old myths about ourselves that we've carried for so long and start to see something different inside. This contraction is real. This has occurred in this body. This judging thought has arisen. It's all so real. Can there be compassion for the contracted body, for the mind that moves into a judging thought immediately? Can the heart stay open with compassion? And can I develop the wisdom to know this entire chain of reaction has simply arisen from conditions; it's impermanent, it's not self? By not self I mean simply it's arisen from a multitude of conditions. There's nothing permanent about it, no permanent me in that mass of contraction and thought and so forth. It's just the outflow of conditions.

Well, if it's not self, what is the self? What am I? What remains?

Again, asking forgiveness from those who have done this with me 20 times, hold your open hand up in front of your face. Wiggle the fingers and look at the fingers. Let's call this finger the body, this one the mind, emotions, feelings of joy and sorrow, the whole flow of consciousness, they're all wiggling around. All you can see is the fingers.

Now, while the fingers are wiggling, I want you to shift your focus, keep the fingers wiggling and look through. Can you see the space beyond the fingers? The fingers haven't gone anywhere. They're still there; they're still wiggling. The body contraction hasn't gone anywhere. The judging mind hasn't gone anywhere. But suddenly there's awareness of this vast space.

We never see that space because we're so absorbed in what's happening in the body and the mind. Then there's this wonderful opportunity for a shift, "Oh, I never realized that this loving heart was here. I never realized this beauty, this wholeness; that's truly what I am."

What are you when you're not caught up in the old ideas of who you thought you were? What remains? But it's vital that as we do that we don't dismiss the old body contractions and pain, the old emotions of fear and confusion or sadness. We're not talking about dismissing them; we're talking about holding them in a bigger container.

P had a spider in her room the other day. Imagine finding a big, hairy spider. Imagine yourself sitting in a box about 6' x 6', each of you in your own box, and I'm going to come into the room with a spider. If I reached over to put the spider in your box, how long would you stay there? We may have a few spider-lovers in the group who would say, "Oh, I'd love it!" If so, substitute a snake or a rat. You're out of there.

Now, imagine we take this box and make it 12 feet square. You're sitting in one corner; I put the spider in the other corner. You could probably stay there 3 or 4 seconds until the spider started to move. Now imagine a box three times as big as this room. No furniture in it, no place for the spider to hide. I put the spider down in the far corner. If he starts to move toward you, you can get up and move to a different corner. After a few hours you might feel more comfortable letting him get closer to you. We've created a bigger container.

With compassion and wisdom, kindness to ourselves, and the wisdom, all of these thoughts, all these body sensations, are simply arising out of old conditioning, we don't have to run from it. We allow ourselves to stay present and really see what's there.

Addressing D and J today at the wedding, we spoke about conditioning and how much they have grown past some of that conditioning, to defend themselves, to pull into separation. How their readiness to marry was a really clear statement, "I'm ready to allow myself to be vulnerable and connected, to see what's there without having to run from it." Big spider, but I have a bigger container. I can stay present. This is the work in which we're all engaged. There's no denial of the areas of contraction.

I sometimes have severe shoulder pain. Now interestingly, two or three years ago I had the same pain in both shoulders, severe osteoarthritis and tendonitis in both shoulders. For some reason the right shoulder healed. The left shoulder hasn't healed. The right shoulder has the potential to become, I'm not saying it's a perfect shoulder. On the x-rays it still shows osteoarthritis, bone is hitting on bone, but it's put together in such a way that I can move it. I can swim with it. I can climb trees with it. This left one, is still experienced as "broken." I need to be able to see the beautiful, ever-perfect shoulder there too, to really know it. I don't approach it with a "Get rid of what's broken; fix it," but, "Ahhh, I invite you, radiant shoulder, to emerge. I invite you to fully express your innate perfection." Simultaneously I must take care of whatever is askew. I ask the entities to help to repair the damage, because it is damaged. There's a mixed reality: the damage is there; the perfection is there.

So the practice becomes a bringing together of these two realities. How do I find that which is innately perfect in me, which has always been perfect, and invite it ever more fully to express. How do I take care of that which is damaged and meet it with compassion instead of judgment, hatred or feelings of "get rid of it"?

I grew up in a loving family, but when I was a little girl my parents were very busy and they had a nanny, a nursemaid, who took care of me. She had been my primary care-giver. She got sick when I was about 5 years old. The doctors said she could not work anymore; she had to be in a quiet environment. But I was not told about this; I was sent away to camp for the summer; when I came back, she was gone. I felt abandoned, afraid and angry. It was a real trauma for me to lose her. I was told, "Don't be angry. It's not her fault she got sick." Well okay, if I can't be angry at her; who should I be angry at? Me! Something must be poisonous or bad about me, because this person who loved me and who was my mother figure for 5 or 6 years has abandoned me. So I grew up with a lot of issues of unworthiness and abandonment.

With the help of a very compassionate therapist in my late teens, early twenties, I got to the point where I could see how all this was happening in me and that it was a story, a myth I had created as result of my pain,  but that didn't make it any easier. If I went into a room at a social event and people were talking to each other, it was terrifying. I couldn't easily approach people because I already felt I would be rejected; then, by my behavior I would create that rejection. People would reach out to me and I'd pull away. So they'd walk away and then I'd say, "See? I'm no good. I'm rejected."

I learned on the surface how to function: how to walk into the room, how to greet people, how to talk to people. But the pain still came. I just pushed past it. Then perhaps 25 years ago at a month-long meditation retreat, the instructions at such a retreat are, we don't talk, we don't make eye contact. Each person moves in their own space, even as we're passing by each other. As people passed by me, I started to make eye contact with them. As soon as I made eye contact, they looked away. As soon as they looked away, this feeling, "See? I'm no good!" came up. It was so clearly a myth.

I began to ask the simple words, "Is that so?" Whatever arose, not "I shouldn't think that," but "Ah, here's that story again. Is that so?" What's really happening in this moment? Retreat instructions of no eye contact. Me trying to draw someone into eye contact. Them turning away. It has nothing to do with worthiness or unworthiness.

It was good that I had a month. I needed the whole month. I must have done this practice a dozen times a day. By the end of the month the wonderful thing was, when somebody looked away, it was just someone looking away. The story finally broke down and collapsed.

It takes effort.(holding up the drawing of the sculpture)I couldn't just uncoil all this copper and say, "Okay, make yourself into a sculpture." I'd spend hours and weeks and months welding and filing to make these pieces beautiful. But I had to know that the beauty, the balance and strength, were already there and I was simply inviting them out. If there was a section that felt unbalanced, I'd cut it off and rebalance it. It's already there but it needs attention. I need to bring awareness to both the imbalance and the innate perfection and invite that latter to express.

This is the loving attention we give. What is arising in this mind, in this body, in this moment? How can I be with this mind and body in a more loving way? How can I not get so caught in the stories?

I'm not saying the pain in my shoulder is caused solely by contracting, or that I damaged it consciously, but I do see that each time I contract this shoulder there's pain. When I breathe into the shoulder and bring space into the shoulder, it opens up. I begin to see the habitual patterns of contraction and holding and how the release of them, the knowing of spaciousness, can support healing. What blocks spaciousness and ease, in this moment; and in the next moment?

When something pushes at me, there is a normal human pattern, a mammalian reflex. Push... I either pull back or I push forward. (demonstrating pushing arms) D can push and I can push back, or she can push and I can just let it go by. I don't have to get caught in that push at all. There's no contraction. I just stay open. Thank you.

The world is going to push at us. That's part of being human. The question is not whether or not it pushes but how we relate to the push. Can we relate with spaciousness and then make that push into a teaching opportunity? Okay, here's a push, and here are the ten thousand times I've related to it with contraction and separation. Maybe it's time to try something new. How can I be with this push and unpleasant sensation with more compassion? How can I see that the reaction is simply my old habit and I don't have to do it that way? I can become aware of the tension that's in my body, in my shoulder. Wherever in our bodies we store tension, ahhh, there's also space. The whole thing can open up. And then we can really start to know our wholeness and bring that wholeness out into the world.

It's beautiful to practice in this way. Then we can turn to the entities here and ask them for two kinds of help. One, to be more aware of the ways we're holding these old patterns that have held us. And two, for help to release these patterns, knowing that we don't have to stay caught in them anymore.

This balance is powerful and beautiful. The balance of compassion and wisdom. To really see the place where we have failed to open our hearts to ourselves, and that it's possible to do so. To gain the wisdom that we're caught in these old patterns and that there's something so much bigger, bright and radiant, and we can allow it to express in ourselves. Why are we afraid to be as radiant and big as we are? What if we really are such divine beings, awake, loving, radiant? What are we afraid of?

I'm going to stop here. So let's go into questions.

Q: How could our world conflicts be solved with this approach? A client of mine who is an atheist asked me what would my people in Brazil do, or how would they respond to ISIS and the killing of the journalists.

Barbara: Is there anyone in this room who has not been really angry at some time in the past month? Is there anyone in this room who has killed somebody because they were really angry, in the past month? Is there anyone in this room who has not wanted to hit somebody because they were so angry? We don't do it, but we may want to.

With growing mindfulness, there is a gradual shift. When we see that impulse in ourselves–pain, wanting to hurt because of the pain–and we bring compassion to ourselves instead of contempt or judgment–feeling pain, so much pain I want to hurt somebody. I bring this into me and I release it. I offer compassion to this pain, not my pain but the pain, the pain of all beings.  Each time I do that, that energy is really shared throughout the world.

Two different things happen. First (demonstrating pushing arms again), each time I relax and open, I shift the energy in myself... (To D) Can you feel yourself tensing when your push gets no response? And push...(keeps going for a while) what happens to your tension when I don't give a tense response back? Does it gradually evaporate?

So we do this, ten thousand times. What I experience is expanding circles, where people become willing not to push back in such a hard way, but absorb and release the energy, become responsible to it, not run from it. To not be afraid of other people's anger, hatred, fear, violence is power!. Not to fight with it but to hold compassionate respect.

Compassion is very strong. Compassion doesn't say, "Just keep slugging me." Compassion knows how to say no, but it doesn't say no with hatred. As we shift in ourselves so we're able to say no with kindness and without hatred, the concentric circles expand out. More and more people become able, learn how from us, and teach others how to say no with compassion.

It may take generations before it reaches the other side of the world. But if we don't start, it's never going to reach the other side of the world. The Buddha said it very simply: hatred never resolves hatred. Only love resolves hatred. All we each can do is attempt to take care of the fear, hatred, and anger in ourselves, and hold the intention that it serves all beings. . That's all we can do. Hatred never resolves hatred!

Q: That is what I told him. I told him what I would do, and what you and Aaron are teaching. But I had no answer on what (the country) Jordan should do in retaliation.

Barbara:  I wish Aaron could speak here, because he could say this with a lot more clarity than I can. So I will simply try.

My experience is that we are born in different places because of our karma. Sometimes people are born in places that are more in upheaval and prone to violence because of karma. Some people who are born in those places may leave them and move to a different place. The people who have stayed there, generally there's something they need to learn there, or some work in service to others too, that they need to do.

There may not be much we can do other than holding a model. I had a couple of wonderful phone meetings, probably 10 years ago, with a Palestinian. He spoke with me and Aaron. He said he was horrified at what went on around him but he didn't know what to do about it. He wanted to have friends of all different backgrounds and religions but there was so much hatred.

Basically what Aaron said to him was this: to watch the arising of judgment in himself, to watch the arising of fear. We met maybe 6 or 8 times, once a month. Each time, he was able to report back to us, "I tried this." After 3 or 4 months, "I'm finding new friends. I'm finding people who are so openhearted. I didn't know they existed in this area. I'm finding friends who are Palestinians and Jews and we're all coming together."

So here was a small group of people who were starting to make some progress in really caring for each other, and, as I said, the concentric circles, letting it move out. That, "each teach one, each teach two." We teach ourselves, we teach somebody else, it spreads.

But yes, people who are living in situations where there's so much violence, it's very challenging. They may have come specifically to learn and teach these things.

Other questions?

Q: Formulating the statement, asking for support from the entities; you talked about the two parts-- seeing how we're still caught in our contribution to that and then asking for support to let that go.

Barbara: If I understand what you're asking, Q, what I ask with something like my shoulder or my deafness is, if there is something that I still have to learn from this, I'm willing to keep carrying it, if it's useful. Help me to learn what I need to learn in order to release the karma. If this pain no longer serves any function, if it's just a mechanical repetition, help me to release it, help it to heal.

So I'm making the statement, not "Fix it at all costs," but not, "Sure, it's okay. I'll continue with pain. I'll continue deaf." It's not okay; I choose to heal. I choose to be free of pain. And I fully envision Ican be free of pain, Icanhear. But I realize that these may still be teachers for me. Help me to release the karma, to heal the karma, to balance the karma, and, on the physical or emotional level, to heal whatever the actual manifestation of distortion is, so the perfection can express.

Q: My question is, in creating the vision of wholeness and working with that in the akashic field, how much of our vision needs to be there, and how deeply rooted does it need to be?

Barbara: Let's change the terms. It's not vision; it's knowing. I imagine the sculpture and I can see what it might be, but I still might feel unsure, "Is it really there? Am I just imagining it?" Then I cannot build it.. I have toknow it. If I have a big block of wood and I say, "This is what I have to cut away," I really have toknow the form that's under there before the first cut. I'm inviting it to come out, rather than saying, "Maybe it's there. I'll try to imagine it." Can you feel the difference between imagining and knowing? Really knowing.

Q: So is the support better stated in terms of support in better knowing? Is the statement for the request for the support, is that better stated as essentially, "Help me know this, help me turn this vision into a knowing."?

Barbara: That's one way to say it. It's personal. Totally honest with ourselves, what is it that we need? If there's not knowing because there's some doubt, help me to release the doubt so I can get to the knowing. What's holding the doubt in place? What blocks knowing?  Is there something I need to attend to? Am I using the doubt as protection of some sort? Am I afraid of the responsibility of being that whole may present? What will be asked of me?

So we have to take tiny steps that build up so that we are finally really honest with ourselves in each moment, knowing that change is in each moment. It's not always one thing.

You talked about the akashic field. See the Deep Spring Archives at http://archives.deepspring.org/Aaron/Akashic/   There are many talks; I suggest looking at a series such as from Seattle or Emerald Isle.

I'm not going to talk at length about it with this group because it's a new term for many of you. But simply, this is the place of the simultaneity of the relative plane experience and the ultimate. Something's pushing me. I don't like it. Anger comes up, judgment comes up; there is great contraction. I think of it in terms simply of contraction because contraction is a hallmark of fear. On the ultimate plane in which I'm totally connected to everything, there's nothing to be afraid of. We live in this spectrum in between the two.

Working with the simultaneity of the relative distortions and the ultimate perfection means holding both in my heart; then seeing I really am holding both in my heart because of the strong intention toward loving kindness. There's also an intention to let go of what is harmful. Then why am I still holding it? If I gave you steaming hot potatoes---ouch! Why am I holding it?! Put it down! "But I 'should' hold it. She gave me the potato, I 'should' hold it." Put it down.

I'm not sure if that's a clear answer. Dan, I don't want to put you on the spot, here, but Dan and I are teaching a class together this year and we've been working on these questions with the class. I wonder if there's anything you'd like to add to my answer. It's okay to say no if you don't want to!

Dan: (a little hard to hear) I think of the akashic field as a place of possibilities in between the relative and the ultimate. It isn't quite our mundane reality, but it isn't the form or the void before the earth was created. It's that place where God speaks, and it's that creative moment. And what God speaks, or the God inside of you speaks, if you're in that place and you know the simultaneity of relative and ultimate, you can help to co-create what God says and bring, birth, a new experience into your reality. That's kind of the mythic way of stating it, but there is an experience of it. There is an experience of this place of creativity. And part of the mission here, I think, is to help you–I want to say to get to that place, but it's not like walking to a place, because you're already there. It's just turning that vision into a knowing. Like Barbara and Q are trying to get at and I'm trying to get at, too.

Barbara: Thank you. I know there may be more questions, and I know people are tired too. I want to redirect this discussion. You're all here at Casa de Dom Ignacio. Whatever kinds of reasons you have to be here. But we all want to make the best use of our time here.

What is it inside yourself that asks to be healed? What are the places that, I think of the cat with a litter box; it poops and it covers the feces with sand, again and again. What are we covering up? What have we not wanted to acknowledge? Can we gently go into those places; not find, "Oh this is broke, I need to fix it," but, "This is a place that hurts. This is a place where there's some pain and confusion. I ask the entities to support the fullest healing in this area. I ask for wisdom to see clearly just what I've been covering up, why I've been covering it up." If it's just old habit energy, I ask for help to understand and to stop. If there's something still keeping it going, for help to see what's keeping it going and the courage to step back from it, to let go of it.

These entities are so loving and they want to help us, but we have free will. If I say, "Well, I feel unworthy but I need my unworthiness. It keeps me safe. It's painful but it keeps me safe," they won't say, "No, we're going to take it away from you." You have to be willing to say, "Okay, I'm ready to let go. I have this bad shoulder. I don't know why. I probably don't need to know why. But somewhere along the line there have been certain things in this and in many lives that have impacted the shoulder. Now I'm ready not to have a bad shoulder anymore. I'm ready to let it go. Thank you, I invite your support. I'm ready to let it go." Just that. And then we see what comes.

Some of you have not spent much time in current because you've only been here a week and you had a lot of surgeries. But they do really more of their work in current than they do in the operations or Interventions as they are properly called. Sit there for a couple of hours meditating, if you fall asleep it's okay. But don't waste your time re-designing your house or furnishing your living room! Try to use the time in a profitable way, really just being present. "My body hurts. I've been sitting for two hours. I don't want to sit anymore. Noting body discomfort andf aversion to it. Come back to center. Thinking; when is this Current gonna end?" Oh, tension; thinking. "I should be able to sit." Here's judgment. Here's tension. How do I habitually relate with judgment,  tension and body pain? What is my usual way of dealing with these? Might there be a more kind way to be with it? Then ask, "Please help me." As I find that kindness, I find that I'm able to extend that kindness out into the world, in service to all beings, and that it provides healing for myself. So we just keep going with it. This is hard work. Spirit will help. Your own loving intentions are the center though,

It's getting late and has been a long day so we'll end here.

(recording ends)