March 10, 2015 Tuesday class. Guided meditation with Aaron and briefly, with Jeshua

March 10, 2015 Tuesday Meditation Class

Guided Meditation on Finding the Wholeness in Ourselves; with Aaron and Jeshua

Barbara: Let us start with the Buddha's, "We are what we think. With our thoughts we make the world." Think a loving thought, and we move in that direction. Think an unloving, angry, frightened thought, and we move in that direction. We're deeply conditioned to the habitual patterns we follow. It's not necessarily an impure thought, in terms of the Buddhist quote, but a frightened thought, a limiting thought. And we become stuck in that thought and its implications.

I shared in my email note about the class, and I would guess you had a chance to read that, so I'm not going to repeat it in depth. Walking in the rain, I fell into a water-filled pot-hole that was literally the size of a bathtub. My head was out; I was holding myself up, and the water was pouring down on my head and was running down the street. It was like lying in the middle of a stream. Now, it was relatively pleasant. It had been a hot day. It was a warm evening, a warm rain. I was not suffering, lying in that puddle. It was okay.

But the thought came to me, "I can't get up." The concrete was crumbled and jagged under my knees. I could feel it on my hands. I had scraped my elbow when I fell, it was bleeding. And I thought, if I get on my knees to stand up, I'm going to cut my knees. But I only have one shoulder. I can't push myself up to a standing position with this one arm. So I just lay there thinking about, what am I going to do? And looking at the limiting belief, "I cannot get up. I literally cannot." All my modes of standing up are not available to me. I can't stand up. I thought about rolling onto my back and floating all the way down the hill, to Frutti's at the bottom of the hill! Then I would have to walk back.

I had been so deeply in touch with these past aspects of myself, sitting in meditation, sitting in current, and really connected to these strong, vibrant, whole, karmic ancestors. Well, we have to be honest with ourselves, with our bodies. If I was in a wheelchair and said, "No, I can't walk," maybe that's honest. But my body is not that limited. Some of it is limiting belief. "I can't get up." Who says I can't get up? Just get up! I connected with karmic ancestors I had gotten to know better that week, strong and loving people. I am Aavram; I am Aasha!

As soon as I thought that, I simply pulled my legs under me. I did get on my knees; I just said I'm not going to hurt my knees. I felt under them for smooth places. So, finding a smooth place to put my knees, I simply stood up.

Barbara's email to the class:

I want to share a story with you. At the Casa for several weeks, I was working with the intention to heal the body pain from osteoarthritis that has been increasing the past year, and a sense of limits due to the pain. I am not the body, yet must be compassionate to this body with its real pain. During those weeks, I also had some profound meditation experiences, getting to know 2 very radiant karmic ancestors who had great wisdom, love and power, Aasha and Aavram.  I am also those ancestors; I carry both the wholesome and the unwholesome karma of all my past lives. They both lived with no limiting beliefs, and strong commitment to service to all beings and with love.

One Friday night, I went with my group to a café. As we were ready to return to our pousada, it began to storm, with very heavy rain pouring down. It was a warm evening and warm rain too, so no problem to get a bit wet. The walk was only 1 block so we walked into the storm.  The street was flowing ankle deep in rain (no storm sewers there). It was like wading upstream in a fast-flowing river! I leaned heavily on my walking sticks for balance. The friend walking beside me was concerned for me, but I assured her, "I'm fine, as long as I stay upright and don't fall into this river."  No sooner had I said that than I stepped into an 8" deep pothole larger than a bathtub that was hidden under the flowing water,  and fell flat on my belly.

After an initial moment of alarm, I burst out laughing! I was completely under water except my head. Rain was pouring down, and a raging river running past. I couldn't get onto my knees as the pavement was sharp and broken beneath me. I couldn't push myself up with my weak and painful left shoulder. I, as Barbara, was helpless! All the methods Barbara could use were useless.  Then Aaron reminded me, "Be Aasha; be Aavram." By that he meant, let go of all the limiting beliefs. Either of those ancestors would have simply stood up. "But I can't!"

I needed to really take myself into that identity, the whole and capable self and to release limits. I lay for maybe 90 seconds in this baptism of water, releasing the limits and being the fullness. Then I just stood up! I can't tell you how, but I just stood up! We walked on back to the pousada.  I acknowledge that "Barbara" came back; compassion for the human. I began to shake; I needed a hot shower. I had some cuts that needed attention. But for that time on the road, there were no limits. It was a profound experience for me.

If we believe we can't do it, we can't. If we're limited by our old patterns, our old fears, that's where we're stuck. What holds us into that old thinking? We each have our own set of limiting beliefs. And it's a wonderful place to work; what if that's not who I am? What if I release that self-identity?

I had this beautiful image, those two weeks, of these two karmic ancestors, who were vibrant, whole, beings. And I asked Aaron: if they're my karmic ancestors, why have I been so messed up? He said they chose, in those lifetimes, not to bring forth and release, or balance and release, some of the unwholesome karma because they had specific work to do in those lifetimes and needed to be the strong, wise, capable beings they were. So they put aside the unwholesome karma. You, Barbara, you've got the opportunity to release and balance that unwholesome karma. But that doesn't make you any less than these two karmic ancestors. They're also part of what you are. You've just forgotten. You've forgotten so much of what you knew, of who you were. So his question to all of you is, what have you forgotten? Who are you?

We're going to go into that with a guided meditation.

(Aaron incorporates)

Aaron: My blessings and love to you all. I am Aaron. I want to take you all into a journey to help you remember the fullness of your being. Each of you has ideas of certain areas of weakness, belief in unworthiness, belief that the mind cannot focus deeply, belief in physical limitations, belief that the heart is not big enough, loving enough. Places where you have judged yourself as stingy or not intelligent enough. Confused or lacking discernment. Not courageous enough.

You are diving beings. You are light. How could you lack anything? Let's keep it simple. Close your eyes so that you can focus.

We are walking in a beautiful park. You have spent the morning walking, walking through Paris, your first time there. Seeing the sights, visiting museums. In your purse, a small lunch–an apple, a croissant, a bit of cheese. Now you are hungry and you sit on a bench. In front of you flows the river; to one side of you, a beautiful cathedral. There is awe and joy at these beautiful sights and this lovely autumn day.

You pull out your cheese and your apple, and almost immediately a very skinny, dirty child appears; big eyes, looking at you, beseeching. Holding her hands out. You don't speak French, not clear what she's saying, but your heart knows she's asking for food.

There may be an immediate easy impulse to offer her the food. You can purchase more; you have money. There may be a subtle contraction, "My food. My meal." Looking around, "I don't see a food vendor anywhere in sight." Maybe then a judgment, "I should give it to her." Again, another contraction. "I should."

Take your little paring knife and cut a slice of apple. Invite her to sit on the bench beside you and give her the slice of apple, and a slice for you. Allow yourself to feel her joy as she eats this very juicy slice of apple, finding there the self that is innately generous and openhearted. If a stingy or self-centered thought arises, don't get caught up in it, just note it as thought, "self-centered thought, fear-based thought," and let it be. Return immediately to this loving, open heart, to the joy of giving.Mudita; joy for others.  Return to the part of you that can give so spontaneously. In this way, keep offering her pieces of your apple and cheese and bread, eating of it yourself also, to whatever degree feels appropriate. You may give her half, or you may give her nine tenths of it, or one tenth. There's no right or wrong, here.

I want you to find the place in yourself that is openheartedly generous and deeply caring for the welfare of others, and know, "I am that, beyond any conditioned thoughts that may arise, any judging thoughts. I am that generosity and love. I am that." Can you rest in that, "I am that," with some degree of comfort and ease?

(some time of silence as we do the practice)

We'll switch the scene now. Here we are, all hiking in the mountains. It is late autumn. You have a warm jacket on and gloves and hat, but the wind is cold. You are walking beside an icy stream that flows quickly over rocks. It is not deep; maybe only 2 feet deep, 3 feet deep at most, but already with bits of ice forming.

Suddenly you hear cries from children further upstream. "Our puppy! Our puppy! He fell in!" And you see a very small and young puppy yelping, scrambling, trying to get himself out of the icy water. Being pushed into rocks by the current, hitting one rock and then the next, until finally, just as he approaches near you, he scrambles up onto a small rock and pulls himself out of the water, shaking, still yelping and crying.

The stream here is about 30 feet wide and he's right in the middle. Part of you may say, "Well, the children will come down and get him. He's not my responsibility." Is that so? We have to be honest with ourselves and our bodies. If you were there, a 95-year-old being pushed in a wheelchair, you would have to say, "I cannot help." But you-- use an honest assessment. Find the part of you that willingly, joyfully, wades into this water and lifts the puppy off the rock. Yes, it's icy, but it's only thigh deep. It's fast-flowing but not so fast that it's going to knock you down, wash you over the rocks and down the river. You have a walking stick for your balance. It's important that you find this place of openhearted love and intention to service. This one who knows, "Ican do that." No should, no fear, no contraction, just, "I choose. Ican do that." Find the love and strength in yourself.

Connect with this deeply loving, openhearted aspect of yourself that chooses to help without any contraction or judgment. No "I should," no self-judgment, but the mere joy of helping. When you have reached that place that truly can wade into the stream and pick up the puppy with ease and joy, then go ahead and do it. Bring him back to shore. See how it feels.

I am not asking you to deny the places of fear in the self, or the places of limiting belief, but to transcend them through finding this true essence of your being, and knowing the joy of service.

(some time of silence as we do the practice)

Our travels go on. We are hiking today over a mountain pass that is said to have exquisite views. Here in the valley the meadow is filled with wildflowers and the sun is warm. We have a small group, people of all ages and capabilities. This walk was advertised as accessible to anybody who can walk for an hour.

The way grows steeper. Climbing, climbing. Not a problem for you, but it is demanding of your energy and attention. And then, before you know what happened, suddenly you find yourself enveloped in a dense gray cloud, a brisk wind blowing into your face. The sun is blotted out. Sleet and snow are falling.

There are some elderly people in the group and some children. They say, "I cannot go on." Two old people sit down on the rocks. Three children are crying. Again, I want you to move from love and non-contraction, so find that strength in yourself; not from a place of "I should." It's easy to judge yourself and say, "I should help them." Along with that "I should" is the place of doubt. "I don't know if I can help them, much less myself. What if I cannot do it?"

Here is where our vipassana practice is important: knowing doubt as doubt. This is just a doubting thought. Ahhh, breathing in and aware of the doubt. Breathing in and holding space for it. Knowing judging mind as judging mind.

Reach into yourself and find that which is strong, whole, and capable. Assess your own abilities. Maybe you're capable of literally picking up a child and carrying him piggyback. Maybe you're not so strong. We do have to be honest with this physical body. But you can take the hand of one of the elderly people. Let them lean on you a bit for support, and help them. Find your power, your wholeness, that has always been there. Find the one who can help without any ego or stories, serving with joy and love.

Feel how good it is to come to know this aspect of your being and trust it. I am that. I am strong, capable, loving. I am whole.

When you can connect with this aspect of your being, truly connect, then go to the person of your choice. Take their hand or lift them, or however you will help them, and simply begin the walk down the mountain, out of this high pass and bitter snow and wind.

Watch carefully for anything that says, "Oh, look how good I am!" That's just more ego and fear. It's not about being good or bad;  it's about being whole and knowing your wholeness, your strength, your love, and resting in that.

(some time of silence as we do the practice)

Now we are back in that meadow, sheltered from the wind; the storm passed, and everybody is down safely. The person that you helped turns to you with anger, much to your surprise, and instead of saying, "Thank you for helping me," says, "Why didn't you carry me?"

You can see that that person is in pain and afraid. Watch the part of the self that wants to defend or to blame. Breathing in and breathing out. Find the aspect of yourself that is compassionate. I don't say "can feel compassion" but IS compassion. Letting go of the stories. Letting go of the ego or need to defend. You are that compassionate self. You are that. Simply rest in compassion with this person's pain and your own pain at being blamed.

(some time of silence as we do the practice)

So you have recognized in the self the one that is innately generous, courageous, compassionate, and loving.

I have one more scenario for you. We are gathered in a beautiful valley, a hill rising to one side. Many are gathered, seated on the grass in the sunshine. The beloved Teacher appears atop this small rise or hill, radiating light. Let it be Jeshua or the Buddha, Mother Mary, Kwan Yin, or any of many other teachers; the teacher that speaks to your heart; the teacher whose presence you yearn to be in, just to sit in that energy and light.

And you do, here. All the thousands assembled are experiencing that energy and love, feeling the bliss of that holy presence. He puts up his hands, and the crowd quiets. He says some wise and loving words. And then he says, "We have space for perhaps a hundred here, in this highest level area around me. Let all who believe they belong here beside me come and sit here, in this highest Light and Love."

Have I given you a dilemma? Can you go? What stops you? For some, it may be the thought, "There's only room for a hundred and we are a thousand. I am no more worthy or unworthy than the next; I cannot take that place from another." That is a consideration. But for others of you, what stops you may be the thought, "No, I am not worthy."

He or she remarks, "I can make more space here. Any who wish to come, who feel able to sit in this high energy and light, you are welcomed." Some people are already shaking their heads and leaving, walking down the mountain, feeling, "I cannot go closer." But you yearn to go closer. You yearn to experience that presence more directly. Be the one who knows he or she is worthy. In the ultimate sense there is no worthiness or unworthiness, so it's perhaps not a useful word to use, and yet so many of you dwell in concepts of unworthiness. Be the aspect of the self that is of a high vibration, ready to sit in that radiant presence, ready to open itself fully to that Light and Love.

Take your time. And when you feel ready, walk up the hillside to sit at the teacher's feet, experiencing that light, that radiance and love. I'll be quiet and give you time with this. A few of you are thinking to take your friends' hands and walk with them, those friends who are a bit more hesitant. I find that very beautiful, that you wish to help your friends to make this movement into the light. But make sure you don't let them hold you back. Make clear your intention to move into the light, and that you are available to take their hands and walk with them, if they wish it. If you are one who is hanging back a little, feel the hands held out to you, to help support you in this movement. So much love.

(some time of silence as we do the practice)

(Jeshua incorporates and stands up in the center of the circle)

Jeshua: Thank you for coming up my hillside, coming up to sit with me. I have asked the medium and Aaron for permission to incorporate. I am Jeshua. I am not that one that all of you visualized as atop the mountain, but perhaps I am an adequate substitute.

I love you all, and I thank you for the courage to put aside your feelings of unworthiness and limitation and come up to this high vibrational place, to this plateau of love and light. Can you feel it? Take hands. You may stay seated, it doesn't matter. You are no less high vibration seated than standing.

The question is feeling and trusting "I am That." I am not better than you. We carry the same divine consciousness. We are all brothers and sisters of light. Your work in this human lifetime is to be compassionate to the human that you are, and also to know the fullness of your being, because being small does not serve anyone.

You can be large, full. (Join hands there, please, to complete the circle.) You can be full and vibrant without an ego. Why should there be an ego that thinks, "Am I better than? Am I less than?" You are love. That is all you are, love. Love is never better than or lesser than.

Aaron is more of a spokesman for the vipassana practice than I am, but certainly I have practiced that, and I love the practice. Use this tool to look at the places where fear and limitation arise. Look at the deepest intention to service to all beings and with love.

Jeshua begins to walk around the circle, taking each person's hands and looking into his/ her eyes, sometimes with a few words, often in silence.

How could any of you be unworthy to sit by me or walk with me? That would not be possible. Daughter, come to me. Open your eyes, so I can see your beautiful smile.... You are love...

Let the doubts shed as rain would run down your back. The rain doesn't come into your body, it just runs off. There will be doubts. Don't try to fix the doubts. Just let them go, and be the light that you are.

Higher and higher, deeper and deeper. You understand that the belief of not doing enough is just part of the whole sense of unworthiness. How could you not do enough? Your breathing, your being, your smile, are enough. What more could be asked?

Another one who believes she doesn't do enough. Each time that thought comes up, remember my words: You are love. You are sufficient. You are radiant and divine, and nothing could possibly be lacking.

Shame is another one that needs to be blown out the window. Nothing lacking, I promise. I love you.

You are learning to trust yourself. That gives me joy.

We have come together to the top of the mountain. I'm going to raise the energy. Allow yourself to come as high into this energy as you comfortably can. No force. But allow my light and energy to wash through you, to help release any, what you consider to be impurities, so that the true self is reflected, fully expressed...

(raising energy; some time of silence as we sit together)

I knew some of you feel you are behind my back, but I have no back. My Being is everywhere. I thank you. I love you.

I will sit this body back down.

So here we sit on the mountaintop together. I'm not going to ask you if you can stay there, because there will be times when you find yourself back down in the shadows and the deep valleys. But remember that you are capable of being on the mountaintop. Remember the fullness of your being, the depth of love and light that is the deepest truth of what you are. And each time these old demons of unworthiness, fear, shame, belief in limitations, each time they arise, remember me and my saying to you: Let it go. It has no ultimate reality. Let it go.

I will release the body back to Aaron. I thank you and bless you all.

(Aaron reincorporates)

Aaron: I am Aaron. So perhaps this is sufficient. Let us sit for 5 minutes in silence. I'm going to release the body to Barbara. Take a short break for tea or whatever and then we'll have some discussion. I'd like to hear what you all experienced, and I thank our brother Jeshua for coming in and sharing his own radiance with you.

Noting a bit unusual of a vipassana class. This is one of the things I cherish about Deep Spring Center, that we can do this here. Thank you.

(tape paused)

Barbara: Feeling almost literally a coming down from the mountain. A lowering of that high vibration, because as humans we can't live that 24/7. We have to know it as the essence of what we are. But we also need to come back and ground ourselves, shovel snow, dig the car out of the mud, wash the dishes, carry out the garbage – all holy tasks..

Let's pause here and give you a chance to have some tea, a short break, and then let's share together in this circle, talking about ultimate and relative practice. Resting in this high vibration, in this deepest truth of our being. Working with vipassana to watch doubt and fear and all the other things that separate us from this truth of our being. How we bring balance in there. The simultaneity we keep talking about, of ultimate and relative. So we'll talk some about this. A break now.

(taping ends) The rest of the evening, people shared their experiences in the meditation, talked about various places where we get stuck and using practices to unstuck ourselves,, plus some discussion of relating our experiences to practice. Not recorded.