Venture Fourth Weekly Work<br>Week Six

To be read to yourself or shared aloud with a friend. Please pause at each space between lines.

Traditionally loving-kindness meditation begins with the self. I find that in your culture it is very difficult for many people to offer loving wishes to themselves, and so we begin with one to whom it is easier to offer such thoughts and then come around to the self later. In the traditional practice, one also offers loving wishes to a neutral person before the difficult one. Here I have left out this step to make the practice shorter. Please include it if you wish.

Compassion is not forgiveness, which is a further step, but only the opening of your heart to the pain of all beings and wishing them well.

There is no wrong or right way to do this practice. If resistance arises, simply note it and reenter the meditation in whatever way you are able. You are not requested to dive all the way in but only to enter as deeply as is comfortable.

Bring to the heart and mind the image of one for whom there is loving respect. This person may be a dear friend, parent, teacher, or any being with whom the primary relationship is one in which you have been nurtured.

We often take such a person for granted, see what is offered to us but fail to see deeply into that being’s situation. Look deeply at that being, deeper than you ever have before, and see that he or she has suffered. He has felt pain of the body or the heart. She has known grief, loss, and fear. He has felt loneliness and disconnection. She has been lost and confused. Along with the joy, see the ways this dear one has suffered.

Speaking silently from the heart, note this one’s pain, offering first the person's name.

You have suffered. You have felt alone or afraid. You have known pain in your body and your mind. You have known grief and loss. You have felt alienation, and the constriction of the closed heart. Your life has not always brought you what you might have wished. You have not been able to hold on to what you loved or to be free of what brought pain. You have suffered.

What loving thoughts can you offer to this dear one? Let the thoughts come with the breath, arising and moving out.

May you be free of suffering.
May you find the healing that you seek.
May you love and be loved.
May your heart open and flower.

May you know your true nature.
May you be happy.
May you find peace.

Please continue silently, repeating these or alternate phrases for several minutes. Go slowly. Allow your heart to connect with this dear one, to open to his or her pain and offer these wishes, prompted by the loving heart. I will be quiet.

Now, let this loved one move aside and in his or her place invite in your own self. It is sometimes hard to open our hearts to ourselves. What blocks this love? Just for the sake of experiment, please try to follow the practice and see how it feels, even if it is difficult–but always without force.

Look deeply at the self and observe that, just as with the loved one, you have suffered. Speaking to yourself, say:

I have suffered. I have felt pain of the body and the mind. I have known grief, loss, and fear. I have felt loneliness and disconnection, felt lost and confused. I have not been able to hold on to what I loved, nor to keep myself safe from that which threatened me. I have suffered.

See the ways you have suffered. Without engaging in self-pity, simply observe the wounds you have borne.

What do you wish for yourself?
May I be free of suffering.
May I find the healing that I seek.
May I love and be loved.
May my heart open and flower.

May I know my deepest connection with All that Is.
May I be happy.
May I find peace.

Please continue silently, repeating these or alternate phrases for several minutes. Go slowly. Allow your heart to connect with your deepest self, to open to your pain and longing, and to offer wishes prompted by the loving heart. I will be quiet.

Now let the self move aside, and in its place invite in one with whom there has been hard feeling.[1] It is best not to choose the heaviest relationship at first, but allow yourself to practice with a less difficult relationship and then move slowly to those relationships that bring up heavier emotions.

It is so painful to maintain separation. A wise teacher[2] said, “Never put anyone out of your heart.” What blocks opening?

For the sake of experiment, you might follow the practice just to see how it feels. Please express your own pain too, as you speak to this one. Can you feel the space where your pain and that person's pain are one?

When I look deeply, I see that you have suffered. You have felt alone and afraid. You have known pain in your body and your mind. You have felt loss and grief, have felt alienated, felt your heart closed. Your life has not always brought you what you might have wished.

May you be free of suffering.
May you find the healing that you seek.
May your heart open and flower.
May you love and be loved.

May you come to know your true nature.
May you be happy.
May you find peace.

Please continue silently, repeating these or alternate phrases for several minutes. Go slowly. Allow your heart to connect with this person, to open to his or her pain, and to offer wishes prompted by the loving heart. I will be quiet.

Throughout the world, beings suffer. Not only humans but plants, insects, animals, even the earth herself.

May all beings everywhere be free of suffering.

May all beings be happy.

 (Bell)

 May all love and be loved.
 May all find the healing that they seek.

 (Bell)

 May all beings everywhere find perfect peace.

 (Bell)

[1] You may wish to work with the neutral person first, using the same words.
[2] Neem Karoli Baba

Journal

Sept. 8 on plane: Up early after 4 hours sleep. My laptop crashed last night, at midnight as I was closing up getting ready to sleep. It was sending out strings of 000000 and 9999 even though I had not pressed those keys. I couldn’t make it stop, so could not type. I knew I needed to take it with me and spent 3 hours trying to fix it. The Applejack repair program wouldn’t run because I couldn’t type in the correct words to start; these numerals kept breaking in. Patience and compassion…I kept shutting down, going to sit on my zafu for 10 minutes, coming back and restarting. With each sitting, watching agitation, and gradually I became more centered in that which watches agitation without participating in it. I could see very clearly how compassion did not ‘stop’ the agitation but took me into a place where there was just agitation no problem. So compassion served as a ground for patience. I finally packed it up not working and decided to just take it and get what sleep I could. I went out and sat in the hot tub for a while. The sky was filled with stars. Doing dzogchen helped me let go more fully of the small drama here. Laptop seems to be working now. Another mystery.

Sept. 8th almost midnight: I arrived before noon and spent the day with Mom and the evening at her home going though her piled up mail, bills, papers, sorting and taking care of what I could. Also cleaned her refrigerator (phew; stuff in there a few weeks),

She is feeling so depressed; it’s hard to watch. She really feels like her life is ending. When I got here after leaving the rehab center, and walked into her home, I began to cry. It really hit me; she will never live here again. So many memories flooded through of mom and dad, of family gatherings, the children here as babies…. I walked through the rooms, looking at photographs and her paintings and cherished belongings. It led to a deep meditation on impermanence and letting go. Mind settled quickly and the sense of sorrow released. After several hours paper work, I climbed into mom’s bed instead of unfolding the sofa bed. I could really feel the parts of me, wholesome and less wholesome, that come through her: her kindness, love of beauty, enjoyment of people, and impatience too, and her bad back as my back was starting to ache. It was odd lying in her bed, back sore. I found her heating pad right there beside me and turned it on! Will this be me in 25 years? Yes, and already is me, and I am her. I sat up and meditated about half hr. Mind was still and there was a deep sense of gratitude for this life and its joys and sorrows.

Sept 9, almost midnight: Morning sitting early and then with Current. The entities wrapped me in love almost as soon as I entered the Current. Little vipassana; worked with the Pole meditation, and holding the current energy, and asked for help for me and for mom. My back is afire from sitting in an awkward way sorting papers.

Another long day; morning spent with paperwork and calling bank, work to get financial POA. Afternoon with mom; dinner with Aunt Betty (whom I had driven up to see mom)

After dinner, back here at dusk, heavy rain. But back ached and I was exhausted. Went out in the rain and swam half an hour, wet below, wet above, lovely, perfect! Swimming meditation, on back with rain driving into my face, blending with the elements, took me very deep. Then went to the internet center and downloaded emails. Read but only answered a few. Back to Mom’s and to sorting papers. Very tired and did not sit.

Sept. 10: Awake at 5, back hurting a lot; early sitting lying there in bed. After about an hour I felt the Casa Current starting and moved into it. Vipassana sitting; mind and body agitated; watching agitation and also aversion to back pain. Finally I decided to just move into the Current and again felt their embrace and energy. “Mother Marguerita” came and “held me” for a long time. Crying, release of tension. Then I sat again, this time very centered and peaceful. Feeling a deep trust it will all work out as it needs to. I so deeply see the importance to honor both the human and the “angel,” to accept that on one level there is genuine peace and equanimity and on another there is human pain and sorrow. Both are real and must be held in love.

Long day with Mom. Trying to work out paperwork from this end for the Center in Phila. where we hope she will be accepted. Needed to assert myself to get papers faxed, get bank papers I needed, and did so successfully and from a place of emptiness, free of fear and grasping. There is much gratitude for my practice! Stopped at computer center again on way home. Downloaded mail; it was 10 PM and center closing so no replies. Needed to pack up some of Mom’s things, do her laundry to bring back tomorrow, and find the papers I need to bring tomorrow.

These two days with mom have been a practice of mixed patience, compassion and generosity. When she is frightened (and who wouldn’t be, her independent life swept out the door) she is controlling and unreasonable. It took 5 to 10 repetitions to explain plans etc. Just practicing compassion and watching impatience each time it arose and with compassion for myself and my aching back and heart. I found the practice of gratitude was most helpful here. Compassion practice felt forced and mechanical. But I was able to find true gratitude for this loving mother, and gratitude for the life I have lived, raised by two truly loving and giving parents. As soon as the heart opened with gratitude, then compassion was accessible. So I could not find real compassion by wanting it, but just by moving where I needed to go to invite the heart to open. As soon as there was compassion, there was patience.

The supported living facility in Phila. seems perfect and she is getting some enthusiasm for the place, and being near much extended family. We looked together at the floor plan for her room and she began to think about what she would take, furniture, and paintings. It’s a decent size room, about 15x 20 including dressing area and bathroom. I tried to encourage her, but also some fear of too much encouragement in case she’s not accepted.

Sept. 11: Through the night the Casa Entities were working on my back. Much better this morning. The sun was rising and instead of a formal sitting period, I went down and swam for half an hour. Finished packing, and went to the rehab center; “sat on” Giovanni until he faxed out her medical records. Said goodbye, and on to airport.

Some mixed feelings flying on 9/11. No fear; just reminders and sadness for man’s potential for cruelty and destruction. The airport was very empty. All staff people were extremely kind. When I returned the renal car, the man who took it in said to stay in the car, then drove me to the terminal where my flight was instead of needing to take a shuttle bus. The man at the baggage desk was extra helpful and had a big smile; No one else was there as I went through security, but the security guards both smiled and said “good morning.” I meditated for an hour at the gate, reflecting on 9/11 and how such acts of rage and brutality can be converted and become teachers of compassion, reflecting on Aaron’s talk in PK&F of “Anger as a catalyst for compassion.” Again I found my heart closed to those who had enacted this brutality, and shifted to gratitude practice, looking for real gratitude and found it. It was not just gratitude for those who acted with courage that day, but even gratitude to be alive at this time and able to practice and teach kindness and dharma. I know I have come, many of us have come, just to answer this call and hopefully, to teach even those filled with hatred the possibility of kindness.

With gratitude opened, the compassionate heart also opened. Then it was time to board.

Venture Fourth Weekly Work
Week Six

Aaron: Compassion (Karuna); A Guided Meditation

Journal

Venture Fourth Weekly WorkWeek Six

Aaron: Compassion (Karuna); A Guided Meditation

Journal

Venture Fourth Weekly Work
Week Six