Venture Fourth Weekly Work
Week Two

Dear friends,

We have just finished week one of Venture Fourth. In the course book, we said, "I ask you to do three things daily:

1)daily meditation;

2) mindfulness with the quality of the week and to do the exercises;

3) keeping of a spiritual journal."

4)Then you are to email me each week. One of you suggested this format and it would be very helpful and make it easier for you to sort and reference quickly on my computer if your email subject line reads as follows:

Subject line: Venture Fourth Journal -Week of Sunday, July 26 (changing with the weeks) -Your Name

Please include in your email 1) meditation log, as short or long as it is. Please do type it though. I cannot read scanned, handwritten journal. If you write by hand, type out short excerpts you want to share. 2) Something about your work with the character trait of the week. What are you learning?

Our first "quality of the week" was humility, and I trust you all have explored it this past week. Explored in what ways? Through meditation and reflection. In the Course Book we said, "The exercises will be a continuous part of practice." Please always remember that you are NOT striving to "fix" anything broken in the self. The aspiration is a deeper awareness of the simultaneity of the positive traits and their negative reflections. There can be deeper seeing of 1) choice and of 2) what blocks the beautiful trait that is always present and how it may be more fully invited forth.

For the spiritual journal, from the Course book: Here you will write, at length or with brevity as you wish, about the vipassana sitting of the day and about your experiences with the exercises. I would ask you to send these weekly journals or the notes you wish to offer, derived from the journals, by email each Sunday. They will form a base for our private meeting of the following week.

So now, Monday August 3, we are into week two. From the course book for week two:

August 2: Honor; respect: Honor / respect: Opposite: disrespect / near enemy: taking for granted. Here we will move aside from Morinis’ order for a week. As you discovered in your work with Humility, self-respect involves respect for others. What is respectful action and speech? It is always grounded in choice for the highest good and with no intention to harm.

Our guideline is always, does the movement come from a place of loving-kindness, non-contraction and intention for the highest good, or does it come from a place of self-centeredness. Often the outer form looks the same and we must look deeper. Morinis' story on page 49 (Humility) is helpful here. The man who sits in the same seat all the time is said to be humble. That may be so, but not always. Why does he take the same seat? Is it so others know what to expect, to free the seats for others who wish him seated first, or is it from a place that says, "This is mine; you can find your own."

Of special note: How do respect and humility fit together?

I have received journal entries from about 1/2 of you. Please send me your journals. If you have not yet started with journaling or the character traits, please begin today, with no self-disparagement; just start!

If you did not do the work with humility last week, please begin with that for a few days, then move on to respect. I'll paste the Humility section below.

What about humility? Many of your emails had similar words. I'm going to pull some out to share, without any names. Five of you said the words below, almost in an identical statement, so I quote one of you:

"What pulls me out of Awareness most of the time is wanting other people to see me as good, loveable or special."

Another quote repeated several times:

I notice feeling true humility when I am resting in/as Awareness.

Another:

After a few days, I reread Aaron's notes and began to wonder if there is a lot of ego in my humility. I thought that the more humble I am the better (I am) ; however if I am honest with myself I see that I spend a lot of my life feeling unworthy and living in some level of servitude. The other side of the balance--feelings of pride and arrogance--seem pretty foreign to me. Yet in a way, I realize now that am proud, or is it comfortable, with my sense of unworthiness which I thought was good because "the more humble the better".

Later…I realize now that humbling myself to the extreme is a form of arrogance: “See me, see how humble and self-debasing I am.” This is a new learning for me!

Another:

Humility leads to openness and willingness to learn and explore.

Another:

When I rest in Awareness, I rest in humility. When Awareness is lost, there is only something trying to be humility or posing as it.

And one more:

My experiences with humility were useful. I had several experiences where I was just in a state of ease and oneness with my "other selves" -- i.e. waiting, in line and among others, to get my car registered and in casual public interactions. Most revealing, however, was how often I noticed myself judging others behavior as inappropriate or inadequate or thinking something like, "...those are her dishes; I shouldn't have to do them." Somehow this critical and judgmental aspect has been largely sub/un-conscious and my initial venture into Mussar has brought it into awareness; what a blessing. Thanks for this book.

July 26: Humility: Humility: opposite: pride leading to arrogance / near enemy: servitude; false humility

Our first quality will be humility, and that is where Alan Morinis begins also. I ask you to begin this work before we meet in August so together we can discuss your experiences and ways of working. Most qualities will have one week in this first round. As I write this guidebook, I will not repeat Morinis' words, as he is a clear teacher, but will try to add material and exercises geared specifically to our dharma background and practice.

Humility and self-esteem are not opposites. As Morinis points out, without self-esteem one is always trying to "look good" and find praise, and cannot act and speak with humility. Try to understand his line of self-debasement/ humility/ pride/ arrogance. Try it as I suggest above, with humility in the very center. If pride arises, let it not move to arrogance. When there is humility, watch out for self-debasement and then very low self-esteem. See how the ego comes in at either end.

Note in your mind and journal when there is a true experience of humility, even if fleeting. Note also when you sense the possibility of humility but it is blocked from fullest expression. Bring attention to the blockage and see what is there? Is there anything solid? Are there stories that play repetitively? How can you relate to them with kindness, but still with a firm intention not to be caught up in them? What happens to the story when it is 1) noted and 2) when there is clear statement not to perpetuate the story because the highest intention is for the good of all beings and the story does harm?

It will be helpful to start each day with a statement of your deepest intention, such as, "I consecrate this mind, body and energy to service to the Light and to the highest good of all beings. I hold the intention to release all that does not support this intention." Frame it in your own words. Make it a daily practice. Not if pride or self-effacement enter as you state this intention.

You will become more aware of a subtle tension that accompanies any pride or self-effacement. Note it as "tension", and watch it. There is no fixing, only attention. I would ask you to find a loose fitting rubber band and wear it on your wrist. It is a device to bring sharper attention to "tension". When you note tension, draw back the rubber band and feel the tension there. Then gently release it (no snapping it; this is not punishment for tension), and note the release of tension in the self. This practice will help you see the arising of unbalanced tension more quickly and attend to it. Continue to use the rubber band as you work with the other qualities, always using it to remind you to attend to unbalanced tension.