Week Three Email, Aug 11, 2009

Humility: respect:

Humility has to do with seeing things clearly and knowing what's going on in any particular moment. But more than that, its your relationship with what is going on in that moment, and how the small self is reacting to what you are asked to react to. Self-effacement, on the left side of the continuum that is in the course packet, is usually a way of reacting to perceived pride or arrogance. It often comes after you notice such pride. But, surprise, its false humility, and it doesn't help, its still a movement of the mind, and still a movement of the ego. It still creates karma. True humility is a fruit of the spirit, and does not create karma. It releases karma.

Barbara's comment: We can also see that with true humility there is no contraction (there is no self to contract) while with anything even a bit either way, there is contraction and with that contraction comes karma. Contraction doesn't cause karma but is an indicator of the self as present, and thus, karma as present.

Pride is the natural direction that you tend toward. It is different than saying what is truly there when you have a different consciousness than another. If you can simply state the fact as you see it, and move on, that is humility. Pride comes when there is judgment, when there is a reaction to that fact, or to your experience of that fact. The more you can focus on the world, on the Mother, with pure awareness, with the love of the Child for its Mother, and with the eyes of the Father, the more you can become truly humble.

I have been giving much thought to the impact both Aaron and Jeshua have had on my notion of separated entities and their mutual equality and my relationship with them. Reading their statements about others and between the lines of their own writings, I note the space they allow themselves to acknowledge their own independence and respectfully disagree with others' opinions. From this, I sense they share not only an attitude of confidence in who they are but also a sense of equality among themselves that makes negligible any differences among them. This aspect of them is something I never explicitly thought about before.

As we begin the Intensives with their goal of learning and committing to the Bodhisattva lifestyle, I soberly experience some trepidation about meeting such expectations. However, the discovery of this silent sense of dignity in myself makes the prospect of entering into a relationship of potential equality with these personages less daunting and more joyful. And this realization gives me a greater appreciation of my true nature as an expression of the Uncreated. Heretofore, my experience of this nature was more of a dry abstraction. Now it is real.

During the past several days I have been using Geisha Tension Wangyal's "famous person" method of discovering the nature of my mind. A friend and professional colleague has come back into my life. I had some negative feelings towards him which I left unspoken, and we parted company with some unresolved differences. I recognized I have been secretly jealous.... When I examined these feelings in the course of the meditation today, I was able to juxtapose what I learned from the characteristic of humility we have been reading. Dealing with my jealousy, I simply noted that my aggrieved ego was based on a distorted judgement of myself. His achievements were his; I had my own achievements and I was really okay just the way I am. After I did that, I was comfortable that the issue was beginning to be resolved. I was surprised by a unsuspected and unexpected reward: I experienced mudita. I was happy for his successes. Later that day I called him and was genuinely happy to hear his voice.

...talked about respect, honoring; growing awareness during the week, while watching news broadcasts of organized disruption of congressional representatives' Town Hall discussions of Healthcare. Became less tolerant of them, feeling they were less intelligent than myself. Realized my angry thoughts were disrespectful, unforgiving and while I might not agree with them, I could show some compassion toward their fears; good awareness.

"Everyday Holiness." Last night while reading his words about remembering these teachings instead of learning them, I felt an old familiar feeling of purpose in coming to this plane. A mission of sorts, but a mission of "love and service," not a mission with objectives. This is somewhat of a different take on this. A purpose of coming to this plane to just be here with presence. His words helped me sense this from a slightly different, maybe more thorough perspective.

When I come from a place of nonduality, I can find both self respect and respect for others simultaneously because the other is not separate from myself. I was sitting with a woman at hospice who was going into the stage of terminal restlessness. She seemed to find comfort in my sitting there and holding her hand. My intention was to hold the space so she could do whatever she needed to do. I am learning to hold myself with the proper balance of self esteem and respect, and this is allowing me to be able to hold the space for her, with esteem and respect for her as a person. And honoring her by holding the space was not a separate intention than expressing honor for myself.

Trying to hold the intention of non harm and respect for the bat (B's note; a bat was in her home) was harder because of primal fear that arose. I did come to a place of compassion for a creature wanting to find a way out of a constrictive situation, but it was still an observer/object relationship, not one of nonduality.

B: I think you'll find the same spaciousness with the bat when you are able to fully allow this "small self" to flutter in fear along with the bat, with no judgment, Just knowing this contraction has arisen out of conditions, and letting it alone, not trying to fix it. To contract in alarm at such a visit is simply human!

Calm, focus on breathing, some planning, back to breath. The quality of respect came up: I'm aware that I withhold respect when I do not agree with another's values. Aware of a feeling of constriction; I stayed with the constrictions, sensed I was attempting to protect myself. Allowed compassion for myself".felt ease.

I'm wondering if my lack of respect for others who I consider disrespectful is really my disrespect for myself.

The ability to respect all beings has a lot of appeal to me. Wouldn't it be wonderful if I moved through life respecting and honoring all others all the time? I see for me, it is a matter of choosing love over fear. How freeing!

Regarding the fit between humility and respect: Both seem to me to be grounded in self-respect. I believe that genuine humility requires self respect; respect for others requires respect for oneself.

Barbara: This seems to have become a central theme and practice for many of you. I am taking one of many references to Morinis' "Each one, every one - - Holy soul."

I heard bits of conversations; I found myself judging the people for the focus and contents of their minds! Then I noticed mine!! "Each one, every one -- Holy soul." I regarded each individual there through that lens (including) myself and every thing appeared to change. It wasn't so much a shift in the visual perception this time; rather, each one, energetically, appeared pure and luminous. I could still hear some of the mundane conversations but it seemed I could see the beings of the individuals as well as the seemingly unconscious personalities around me. For some moments, I felt a very loving state of oneness with these people; they/we were so beautifully themselves and so beautifully human.