June 6, 2012 Wednesday Evening, Cosmic Healing Class, Large Class

Healing as remembering; bigger container - tarantula in a box; spiral ascension of ‘Trainings' pain vs suffering; pole meditation; simultaneity of relative and ultimate

Barbara: Aaron is going to do some review, pulling together what we've done through the year and trying to put it in a deeper perspective. Aaron is asking me to start with some of my experiences the past few days and today, and the ways I've used some of what you've learned as I move through these experiences.

Sunday was wonderful, with the spiritual energy healing service. It also was disorienting for me when I came back into the body after all that high energy in the body, to come back into this heavier vibration. The other thing I realized was that, as one person after another was coming and looking into the Mother's eyes-- she was incorporated in the body, and yet at some level there was some Barbara consciousness that was picking up the energy from people's eyes, but without the amount of Barbara consciousness that I usually have, and the ability to bring it in and release it. So I was storing some of that pain and heavier energy that was coming through. As the Mother helped to release negative energy I was probably picking up some of it.

Sunday night and Monday I went through an experience of a lot of negativity, anger, impatience, self-judgment, judgment of others. I was working with it skillfully. My vipassana practice is sound, and I'm able to note it and not get caught in the stories; just to know: “this is negative energy, it's okay.” When I felt like there was a negative entity involved, I said,, “Go to the light. Go to the light.” I was able to bring myself back into a heart-centered place.

The heart chakra was very closed, so when I was working with the entities and with the chakras, I was working with the solar plexus and throat chakra and the base, helping them to spin and bring energy up and down into the heart. Gradually over a couple of days the heart opened more.

All of it was okay. It was interesting to watch. This morning, sitting with the Casa current, a very deep light-filled session. I was feeling more back to myself. I got dressed and I went off to the bank. As I started to pull into the bank parking lot, there was a car across the end of the parking lot. It looked like somebody had run out of gas or had car problems or something so that they couldn't move. I honked my horn, thinking there was somebody in the car, but nobody was there. I looked; nobody in the car. Someone must have gone into the bank to call for help.

So I inched around it. Aaron said to me, “Do not go to the bank. Leave.” And I immediately said -  I didn't even challenge “Is it Aaron?” because I've had a lot of negativity coming through these past few days, - I just said, “No. The parking lot is filled with cars, so I'm not going to get caught in fear. I'm going to the bank. “You go to the light and I'm going to the bank!”

I drove around this parked car, pulled into a parking space, and probably only the second or third time in all these years with Aaron, as I started to open the car door, Aaron came through very clearly and said, “Do not leave the car. Get out of this parking lot.” I figured, if it's a negative entity and I leave, I don't have to leave with fear. I can leave with love. I sat there for 30 seconds, did not leave immediately, but just opened to the highest good of all beings, harm to none, challenged, and it seemed like Aaron. And said, “Okay. There's another branch of the bank a couple of miles down. I'll go to the other branch. And I can do that with love.”

So I didn't try to get back past that blocked car. I decided to go around the bank to the other entrance. As I was driving around, police cars started arriving. I drove out. I drove to the branch two miles down. Went in. I asked them, “What's going on at the Carpenter Road branch?”

“Oh, there's a robbery going on there, a gunman holding up the bank.”

If we hear something that feels, Aaron's voice wasn't fear-filled, it was just stern-- “Get out of here. Right now. Do not go into the bank.”, we don't have to respond with fear. We can just say, “Okay, for whatever reason, there's something that might be dangerous here.”

The last time I got that kind of command from Aaron, I was driving down my cabin road. I was leaving to go into town to go to the market. Aaron said, “Drive very slow. Drive very carefully.” So I was creeping down the road. He kept saying, “Slower. Slower.”  I came around a bend just as a big tree came down across the road. So he was aware of the weakness of the tree. He could not predict when it was going to fall. He just wanted me to be very alert and able to stop my car instantly, going very slow. I think this is only the second time that he's given this kind of command.

We can work with spirit in this way. When we hear our guides, when we hear our higher self, spirit at these levels can inform us in ways that our conscious mind is not ready to comprehend. The response does not have to be with fear or with annoyance. I just let it go and said, “I'll go around to the Washtenaw branch of the bank. No problem.” Offering gratitude that the Washtenaw branch was close by. “I'll go there.” Whatever is going on, may no beings be harmed.” At the Washtenaw branch they said nobody was hurt. But I don't know; it seemed like the robbery was still going on. And there were perhaps armed robbers inside, and people. So I have no idea what happened, only I thank Aaron, and I thank my ability to hear and to listen and to discern the difference between responding with fear and with loving wisdom. (The news reported that night that an armed gunman ordered people to sit on the floor; took money; and fled. He was not caught.)

I did my banking and came home, and I found I was trembling. I spent a couple of hours meditating with that energy. I could see all the fear stories coming up-- if I had gotten there ten minutes earlier, if I hadn't heard Aaron. But basically, we choose our experiences. I didn't get there ten minutes earlier because I had no intention to be caught up in a bank robbery. So we do co-create our experience. If we feel “Gee, I need to experience a bank robbery.” then we go and experience a bank robbery!

So I just wanted to share that with you. It was a very interesting experience. Sitting just now, I can still feel the trembling, like little ripples of energy. It's like what is usually a smooth energy flow is instead a bit of a waterfall. There is too much water hitting on the rocks; that kind of energy. So, I'm just sitting with it. It's not something to fix; just watching it. The physical body and then the emotional body are the slower learners of our incarnate selves, and it takes them more time to release that kind of reactive energy. And we can just hold space for it.

That's all from me. I'm going to bring Aaron in.

Aaron: My blessings and love to you. I am Aaron. I have very much enjoyed this year with all of you. I hope many of you will join us next year. It will be wonderful to see where we go from here.

I want to offer, not quite a summary, but a tying together. Spiritual practice often begins with some degree of discomfort, a feeling that there's something you're searching for, something you're missing, or something within the self that's not really acceptable to you and you don't know how to take care of it. The searching leads way to intention. You can't know what you're searching for, if you don't know your intentions. It may simply be the intention to live your life with more love, more kindness, more ease. It may be the intention to move past an onslaught of negative emotions, as Barbara has mentioned she's been experiencing, or to understand where that negative thought comes from; to learn not to get caught up in the stories it presents. It may simply be the intention to know the true self and its innate kindness and wisdom.

There may be a specific trait in the self, like impatience or constant judging mind or greed, that creates a lot of discomfort in you and the intention arises, how do I live free of the dictates of this mind? It may be body discomfort that brings you into spiritual practice, or just trying to make sense of the human condition.

Whatever the reasons, you begin whatever kind of spiritual practice first comes your way. For many of you, just reading. Because you are all old souls within this room, this circle, you've practiced in many different spiritual traditions, and karmically you have a leaning to certain traditions. You have never heard of vipassana, but suddenly you hear of it and you say, “Yes, it makes sense.” You've never considered conversation with spirit, but suddenly that makes sense. You've never considered that you may be something more than this mind and body, but suddenly, yes, that makes sense.

So you're led into certain spiritual paths and practices based on your karma. As you begin to practice, you gain more clarity about your highest purposes. It may be as simple as to live with more love, which is not simple at all. What does it mean to live with more love? The first thought may be to say, “Well, I'll get rid of anger.” Gradually you understand that's just more anger. “If I can't be angry at my anger, how do I relate to my anger?” Then there may be a time of denial of it. And finally, you move into an ability to hold space for anger, for fear, for doubt, for whatever emotion has arisen, and deeply understand, “This is not me but has arisen in this mind and body related to conditions. I do not need to fix it but simply to hold space for it, because it's impermanent and not self and it will go.”

You've all read my talk Trainings. I spoke in that talk about how in my Essene lifetime, children of 3 and 4 were taught how to be present with emotions, to understand yes, there's a physical body, an emotional body, and a mental body. If I stub my toe, there will be pain. If something abrades the emotional body, there will be pain. We learn how to hold space for it.

The first step, then, is learning that there is a choice between, number one, denying the emotion, number two, ruling away  the emotion with force or denial, and number three, holding space for it and knowing it's the result of conditions. And as the conditions resolve, this emotional state will resolve. It's impermanent. I don't have to be self-identified with it. I do not have to enact it while it is present.

These trainings go around in a spiral, constantly moving higher. Higher indicates here the degree of non-dual awareness. At first it's the everyday mind that comprehends the experience. “Oh, this has arisen because somebody said something that made me uncomfortable.” Anger has arisen. Fear has arisen. The everyday consciousness is watching that.

But as we keep saying, “That which is aware of anger is not angry. That which is aware of fear is not afraid.” Gradually you learn to rest in that space of awareness and begin to see the distinction between this awareness mind and the everyday mind. Then you're into the second roll of the spiral.

Here you are aware of the mind and body and emotional experiences with compassion but not self-identified, resting more strongly in this space of pure awareness with no denial of the experience. This is what Barbara was led to, today. She said she did not drive out immediately. When she comprehended from me, “Leave, now. There is danger here. I don't want you to go in there.”, fear came up. But almost immediately, there was open awareness, “That which is aware of fear is not afraid.” This is kindness. What is the kindest thing for this human? Is there any reason to go into a potentially dangerous situation? Then she had a thought, “Maybe I can do something helpful if I go in.” She laughed at herself and said, “Of course I can't. They're probably armed!” Just go.

It was not consciousness that went; it was awareness that went. Awareness that was able to hold openhearted compassion and offer metta for whatever was going on in that bank. Seeing police cars coming and realizing there's some problem there. She didn't know for sure at that point if it was a robbery there. Perhaps the heater had exploded. Who knew? It could be anything.

Just doing what needs to be done from a place of openhearted compassion. Now, this sounds simple. This is the goal, to live your life from this space of openhearted compassion. If it were simple, there would be no need for this class. I would give you that advice and say, “Okay, go on your way. Now you know what to do.” The question is not what to do, but how to do it? When the whole body is geared into this fight or flight reflex, wants to fix, wants to change, is self-identified with what's happening, how do I relate to it with spaciousness and kindness?

In this class, we worked with numerous tools but by no means explored the whole toolbox. There are many possibilities. When Barbara came home, she said she was quite shaky. The first thing she did when she sat down to meditate is, she did not specifically call upon him but her power animal appeared. It is a great silver stag with silver antlers, and always helps her with courage. So she just sat in meditation, feeling the energy. He wasn't running; he wasn't doing anything; he wasn't talking to her; he was just standing there, holding the space and reminding her to hold space. She needed to do that for about 20 minutes just to calm down, to re-center. Then she began to practice vipassana.

Working with vipassana, she gained some insight into the ups and downs of these past few days, as relates to a past life that she's seen many times before. But she gained deeper insight.  She needed this experience to set her on enough of an edge to be willing to go into a place that was very painful for her to go, looking at this karmic ancestor and his misunderstandings. She opened her heart to him. As I said, she's worked with him many times before. There's been a lot of healing. And he was not negatively intentioned, only did not fully understand the situation and acted without full understanding.

She's forgiven him for that. Asked forgiveness for him from those who were involved. She's worked with it many times. But today, based on this, she had a deeper insight and she realized that the situation helped push her to an edge where she had to do that work. For years it's been easy to avoid that one little place that she didn't feel she could go. But today she was able to go there, based on the fear, the pain in the situation. So, by the end of her meditation, she was able to say a genuine thank you for the situation. It's not that the bank was robbed in order to teach her something. It's that she has long intended to understand something at a deeper level, but there was always a place where she could turn her back and turn away from it. Today she saw, “I cannot turn my back here. And this silver stag is with me. Love is with me. All these entities are surrounding me. I can do this work.” So she was able to come to a new level of healing, healing of old karma. Forgiveness of self and forgiveness of others.

This is what healing is about. It is the hardest task in your lives, and the most important. I've called it remembering. It's remembering your wholeness, that's part of it. But it's also remembering the distortions and being willing to go into the distortions and understand them so that they need not repeat themselves, be they physical or emotional distortions. You call on whatever gives you courage, whatever supports you.

Healing is a process. It's ongoing. There was a time when Barbara really thought she was done with this karmic ancestor, understood what he had to teach her, had found deep compassion for him and his situation and for the many people that were involved with him in a painful situation. Then she saw that there was more to be done, but she didn't know how to get to it. So today's experience catapulted her into a readiness, and knowing, “This must be resolved. I can do it. I will do it.” Now she has the tool of vipassana to know how to work with it, which she lacked 30 years ago

After the vipassana sitting she did some chanting for a while, just opening the heart further, feeling spaciousness, feeling love. And then she did some metta and karuna meditation. Then she felt, “Okay, I'm done for today. But certainly tomorrow there will be more to do.” You are on a never-ending path, and yet it becomes increasingly light-filled; more and more joyful. You begin to know all the supports there are around you. You know what's in your toolbox and what to use appropriately at one time or another time.

It truly is an amazing path, this path of healing or remembering. What makes it unique for the human is that you cannot escape into the divine self and hide there from human experience. Barbara related that this morning before she went to the bank she had a very deep and healing experience with the Casa entities in current. She felt like she was sitting under a light-filled waterfall, enormous amounts of energy and light pouring through her body and washing away all impurities. She came out of it not feeling at all as she had the previous few days, with any negativity or doubt, but feeling it had all been literally washed away and released. She felt a deep sense of ease and joy. And then, half an hour later, there she is at a bank that's being robbed. Where is the ease and joy? Where did it go? One cannot hide. She could not turn around and say, “Oh, I'm just going back into that high vibration.” One has to deal with the body, the mind and the life situation. One has to learn how to attend to it with compassion.

That's what this whole process is about. In your human incarnation, there are going to be challenges. Your work is to deal with them with compassion. As you work with that compassion, much of that old karma washes away, and you find yourself increasingly in a stable place that doesn't get caught when negative things come up in your experience.

I point out that when Barbara drove away from the bank, she was feeling fear but she was also able to note “feeling fear, feeling fear;” to open to awareness that didn't feel fear, and to do metta meditation as she drove off, sending metta to the whole situation. Her mind was not caught in stories. This is the result of your training. If her mind had been caught in stories, it would have been planting new seeds of karma, deepening the karma, repeating the karma, until perhaps she would have had to go back to a bank that was being robbed. We don't need that!

Healing the karma. Releasing the karma; balancing the karma; and holding compassion for the human experience.

Next year I hope we can take this further, deeper. Anna Marie, Barbara, and I will be meeting to make some more specific plans for the class, but not a class-after-class program of exactly what we'll do; we will have some flexibility. We want to enlarge your toolboxes and help you strengthen your understanding and use of the tools you already have. That's basically the intention.

We want to leave time for your discussion. Let me ask if there are any questions. I'm happy to answer them. And if not, or when we're done with any questions and answers, I'll leave the body and leave you for your own discussion.

Q: Is it true that he who is aware of pain does not have pain? Like he who is aware of an emotion.

Aaron: That which is aware of anger is not angry, but there still may be anger moving through the physical and emotional bodies. This is a very important point. We cannot go off into that which is not angry and deny the anger. There is real anger. It's felt as energy, as contraction, as heat. Anger.

The question is not whether or not there will be anger but whether there will be self-identity with the anger to the point that it sends off stories of “How do I fix it? Who do I blame?” and so forth, which just keeps the anger rolling. When you step back into awareness, there's compassion for the human being who's still experiencing anger or fear or confusion or whatever it may be. If there is pain, there is still pain, just no stories around the pain.  It's not that the emotion or physical pain ceases, but that it's so clearly seen as arisen from conditions, impermanent and not self, and that one can attend to it without a contracted attempt to fix it. Can you feel the difference?

Q: I'm still confused. I understand—maybe—that the part of you that is aware, that part doesn't experience what the other part is experiencing. Is that right?

Aaron: The part of you that is aware does know what the other part is experiencing, but does not build a self and stories around it. Let's use our tarantula metaphor. You've heard that from me, yes? (Q: No.) If I put you in a box 3x3 feet, sides up to here, and ask you to sit in the bottom of the box, and then I come into the room with a tarantula and I say, “Now I'm going to put this in the box.” You're out of the box, unless you happen to be one of the rare people who loves tarantulas.

How about if it was a 12s12 foot box? You were in one corner and I put the tarantula in the other corner. Might you stay there for one or two seconds? Maybe. As soon as it started to walk, you'd be out. But you could probably sit there because there was a bit more spaciousness.

Now let's say we had a 30x30 foot box with nothing else in it. So the tarantula is very clear, you can see him, you can see his every movement. You sit there. Fear comes up. He comes to walk towards you. He gets to the middle of the room; you get up. As he moves toward where you are, you walk around to the other side. He's off exploring there. You're watching him. But you can sit down again; he's all the way on the other side of the box. Ten or fifteen minutes pass. He starts to come back toward you. You get up and walk away from him again.

There's space. Let's use that space as metaphor for awareness. You're not so caught in the small ego conditioned self that says, “Oh! Tarantula!” But rather, “Here's tarantula. Here's fear. I'm afraid of tarantulas. I've never met a tarantula, but everything in my conditioning has me afraid of them. That which is aware of fear is not afraid. I can see the part of me that can hold space even while part of me is afraid. I don't have to react to that fear by leaping out of the box. And it's okay to heed that fear, to take care of that fear by getting up and moving as he comes near me. I'm not acting from fear. I'm acting from kindness to myself, that I will not force myself to sit still and have a tarantula crawl on me. So I can be kind enough to myself to allow that. I'm aware that that movement is coming from fear, but kindness is leading to move, not fear.” Can you feel the difference?

Anna Marie: Another way to see it is that when resting in awareness with the tarantula, one is clear and centered, and the mind is not dreaming up stories like, “Oh my God, I am going to be killed! I can't get out of here! I remember on TV this spider made all kinds of body pain when it bit the person.” And so on and so on. And the person in the box gets so contracted and afraid they can no longer move or think. And that makes it so much more painful physically and emotionally. When resting in a still space, you feel the original fear in the moment and see clearly, “Oh, there is lots of space. I can move when the spider moves.” The mind can think what to do to leave, because it is not confused by things that are not happening in this moment.

Aaron: Thank you, yes. Anna Marie mentioned stories. As you sit there, all that is happening is you're sitting in a box and there's a tarantula in the box. That's all that's happening. All the rest is old conditioning. “I've heard tarantulas are terrible. I've heard their bite is lethal. I'll die. It will be a painful death. What will happen to me? Who put the tarantula in the box? Who can I blame? Who put me in the box? Who can I blame?” Here are all these stories. In the stories is the suffering. In the moment there may be pain. This is where we go into physical experience. There may be body pain. There may be emotional pain. There may even be aversion to the pain, but there are no stories and contraction. It's just pain. Thus, there's no suffering.

But if you break your leg, there's going to be physical pain for a while. Even the most enlightened being is going to feel physical pain, if he breaks his leg. Okay? (Q: Okay.)

Q: Couldn't you just see the spider sleeping, or put a force field around it?

Aaron: If you have the ability to do that. Can you put the force field around the spider from a place of love and not a place of fear? If you put it up from a place of fear, there's still karma with the spider. You're going to have to be constantly watching over your shoulder to make sure you keep force fields around any spiders that come your way. Can you do it from a place of love?

Q: I don't know. I've never been in a box with tarantulas before!

Aaron: I think that's a useful question, not in terms of the spider but in terms perhaps of an abusive coworker or neighbor. If fear leads you to constantly be trying to push this person away, this person is going to keep re-entering your life. Let's substitute for force field simply holding the intention that you no longer need to interact unpleasantly with this person; no longer need to experience abuse from this person. When this person comes toward you, instead of (sound effect) one just says, “Oh, good morning. Good afternoon. No, I'm sorry I can't talk right now, I'm late.” And walks on. But it's done from a place of love and compassion for yourself and for the other. Here is compassion that says, “I will no longer let myself be abused by this other.” That's a kind of force field. So compassion in itself becomes the force field. But that's not from fear but from love.

Other questions?

Q: Is the pole meditation an example of holding the ultimate and the everyday..., (remainder inaudible)

Aaron: Yes, exactly... (signer signing full question, inaudible) Yes, yes. And helping you understand that you can be in both places at the same time. You can be there with a broken leg, shattered, terribly painful, and there go all your plans for the summer. Anger! Fear! Pain! And what if they can't heal it well? What if it doesn't heal and I can't walk well? All this fear! Noting fear, noting pain. Opening your heart to this human. Holding the pole and the high energy, but not escaping out of the body into that high energy field. The body needs you to bring that high energy down to the broken leg. Can you stay connected? The angry and abusive neighbor and the situation with him asks you to bring that light and love down into your relationship, not to escape somewhere and not to simply curse him and storm off. Same thing, physical or emotional.  

The pole meditation is very beautiful. (laughing) I say with some humility, having written it! But I'm very happy with it. It's one of my better efforts. (laughter) Others?

It's 8:15.  Let me end here. Releasing the body...

Let me just say to all of you, my thanks for being here with me for all these months, sharing this learning with me, and for your own deep work toward your own healing and the deep healing of the whole universe. Your efforts are noted and appreciated, not just by me but by many on the spirit plane. We love you. I look forward to continuing in September.

(recording ends)