January 6, 2013 Sunday, Corinthians Church, Barbara and Aaron

Barbara: Thank you for welcoming us. Speaking to Connie yesterday, I decided to start in a little bit different way today. A lot of you have met Aaron, the Mother, Father John and other entities that speak through me. Most of you don't know Barbara. Who is Barbara? I'm more than just this body that the entities use. So I'll begin with some personal introduction.

Our focus today is the transition into a higher vibration, into light and into higher consciousness that we're all making on the earth. The whole earth, not just humans but all sentient beings and the earth itself, is in the midst of this transition. What is our part in it? What is our responsibility? Why are we here on earth at this time? How can we best support this transition?

Do you know the Christmas carol (I'm not going to sing it!) O Holy Night?

O holy night

The stars are brightly shining.

It is the night of the dear Savior's birth.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining

Til he appeared and the soul felt its worth.

A thrill of hope, a weary world rejoices

For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

That's where we are. This song is not just about Jeshua's birth. I call Jesus “Jeshua” because that's the name by which Aaron knew him, 2,000 years ago. Jeshua, with a soft Y, Yeshua. It's not just about Jeshua's birth, it's about the birth of higher consciousness, non-dual consciousness, sometimes called Christ consciousness or Buddha consciousness, awakened consciousness. And we all are here in this present lifetime to participate in this birthing of higher consciousness, to welcome the “glorious morn” of awakened earth..

We each have our own parts to do. Each of us has been given some kind of catalysts in our lives, perhaps a difficult childhood or a body that doesn't function perfectly, loss of loved ones, fear, sadness. The question is not if these things will come to us--as long as we're human we're going to experience difficult body states, difficult emotions, and so on. The question is how do we relate to these when they come? If something comes along and pushes me, I may keel over from that push; or anger can come up and I can push back. Or I can learn how to relate by letting that push move past me, not get caught up in it, not take it personally, knowing these kinds of pushes will come as the result of conditions, and not as personal affront to me. This situation is part of the human condition. How can I relate even to this with love?

This is the opportunity we've all been given, to transform ourselves, the earth, the universe, by bringing love where there is fear, pain, dissention and confusion. We each have the capacity to do that.

So I want to begin today by telling you a bit of my story, how I came to be where I am now, and how I met Aaron. Many of you have read my book Cosmic Healing? This story will be familiar to those of you have read this book. I'll keep the telling brief.  But it's my personal illustration of how I've learned why I am here on earth. I hope you can take it into yourselves, to better understand why you are here and why life has contained pain as well as joy.

I was living a peaceful happy life. I was newly married. We had moved to Michigan. I was pregnant with our first child, and was teaching sculpture at the University of Michigan. I loved my work. I had a studio, a time and a place to work on my own sculpture, and my work was increasingly successful, sought by galleries, museums and private collections. Everything seemed perfect, and it was easy to push away any sense of dis-ease that anything was wrong, though there was something undefined under the surface, some subtle feeling of disconnection..

Then our first son was born, and I lost my hearing. The doctors think that for some unknown reason the blood vessels became compressed. The middle ear nerves that control balance and the nerve between the ear and the brain that carries the sound impulses to the brain were oxygen starved and died. Suddenly, one day later, I couldn't hear anything. I could not walk. I couldn't even open my eyes and focus, I was so dizzy. The world was completely cut off both through my eyes, because to look brought dizziness, and through my ears.

I was terrified. I was angry. Why me? Was I being punished? What did I do wrong? How do I deal with this? Well, being a strong cope-r, I coped. I pretty much pushed away the feelings of fear and anger. I could not walk. In the beginning I literally had to crawl from my bed to the baby's room to pick him up. I had his crib lowered way down to the floor so I could get him from the floor. I couldn't stand up. And I couldn't hear. There was no communication.

Weeks, months, years went by. I had two more children. I continued to teach. My sculpture continued to blossom. But there was still so much anger. Why me? What do I do with this anger?? My question really at that point was, “How do I fix this anger?” which was not the right question. But I didn't know the question should have been, how do I open my heart to this human who is angry? I was intent on fixing or getting rid of the anger, and that's just more anger.

Finally there came a point ten years and more into this deafness when I was feeling stuck. Since I was 15 years old I had meditated every day. My meditation took me to a very peaceful, really a blissful space. I kind of leaped out of everyday reality and into this heavenly realm. The only problem was that I couldn't stay there; I couldn't live there. Eventually the meditation had to end and I had to come back to the pain of being deaf.

Deafness brought up so many feelings of being cut off. I began to realize that it was not so much being cut off from people, but that that served as a metaphor for a deeper feeling of being cut off from God. Through my life I had been trying to connect with God as something “out there”, not really finding that of God within me. This is ironic, because from the age of 16 I was a Quaker, and the Quakers talk about that of God in every being. And that made sense conceptually, but how do we find that divine essence, not just in others and in the world, but in ourselves? Especially, how do we find it when there's so much negativity, fear, and anger in ourselves?

We create a duality where we believe that the negative thoughts are not divine. Only the pure and beautiful thoughts are divine; rather than knowing the non-duality of our being. Aaron often says, “that which is aware of fear is not afraid. That which is aware of anger is not angry.” Meditation is not a way to escape into a place where there's no fear, anger or negative thought, and to resist coming back. Meditation is a way to hold both, the presence in this human at this moment in time of these particular mental and emotional objects: fear, anger, and various expressions of anger, but not to take it so personally, not to be so self-identified with the thoughts. We rest in the spaciousness of the loving heart while holding space for the negative thoughts.

I understood this possibility conceptually through these years of meditation. I had no idea how to enter that nonduality. So about ten and more years into this deafness, I had done everything I knew how to do yet I was feeling very stuck and I was still suffering. I prayed for help. I have no idea what kind of help I was expecting. It most certainly was not to have a discarnate being appear in my living room!

But when I went in to meditate after that prayer, I could see him sitting there, a radiant being, silver-white light pouring out of him. It was such loving clear energy. I saw deep blue eyes, a high forehead, high cheekbones, long, radiant white hair and long white beard. I was startled. The energy felt familiar to me. Without knowing who or what it was, I had experienced that energy around me often through the years. But suddenly, here was a vision of a being.

I got up. I went into the kitchen and had a cup of tea. I thought to myself, there are two possibilities: it's real or I'm hallucinating, and I'm not sure which one is scarier! What if I'm hallucinating? What if it's real?

I returned to the living room, let pre-dawn by candles, sat back down on my meditation cushion, and the figure was still there. I just sat for a little while. Finally I said, “Who are you? Why are you here?”

He said, “You asked for help. I'm here to help you.”

I said, “How are you going to help me?”

He said, “You're suffering. Let's start there. Let's look at the nature of the suffering. Are you willing to work with me step by step and follow some instructions and exercises?”

“Yes.” I just felt an immediate trust of him. And I figured, I can take it step by step and see where it takes me.

He began to ask me to look at how the suffering was not about deafness, but about the grasping and erroneous beliefs. “I can't hear because something is wrong with me. People are not including me because I'm not lovable. I'm bad in some way. I'm poisoned in some way.” These mirrored all the negative thoughts that we all have at times about ourselves.

He helped me to understand that everything arises out of conditions and ceases when the conditions cease. He asked me to examine this fact in my daily life and I understood. Then I could see that not hearing was just not hearing. If the ear can't connect with a sound because the nerves don't work, there will be no hearing. That has nothing to do with whether I'm a worthy or unworthy person, whether I'm lovable or not. It has nothing to do with anything except the particular situation in the nerves from my ears to my brain, not hearing.

So I began to relax with deafness and to learn how to simply not hear. Each time the story of unworthy, unloved, abandoned by God, came up, he asked me to note that it was a story, just an old theme that I had come to believe in. It was never based on any truth; it was just a story grown out of my old habits of mind. Gradually the stories stopped.

He was also teaching me meditation, the same meditation that I had been doing for 20 years at that point. But he led me to do the practice slightly differently so I was not using these high moments of light and spaciousness as an escape. He taught me how to stay in those high vibrational spaces and connected to this everyday world. He said, how are you going to effect change in the everyday world if you keep jumping out of the everyday world? If your intention is service to people and the world, you've got to stay in the world. But you don't have to get lost in a dark pit in the world and forget that there is love and light. His teaching really transformed everything for me. Within a very few brief months, suddenly I was no longer creating these negative stories about myself. I was so much more openhearted, at so much more ease in the world and with the deafness and lack of balance

Not surprisingly, my friends noticed the changes in me. They asked if they could talk to Aaron. They asked if I could teach them the meditation he was teaching me. When they asked if they could talk to Aaron, I said, “I don't know. If you can talk to Aaron, you're welcome to try it. I don't know how to do that.” They said, “Can you talk to him for me?” Aaron said, just listen the same way you're listening to what I say to you for yourself, and speak it out loud. I did this and somebody said, “Oh, you're channeling.” I said, “What's channeling?” I was na├»ve. I had heard the term but I didn't really know what it was.

So I began to channel Aaron. I began to teach meditation. That year I put aside my sculpture. After all these years and reaching a place where I was successful, and really had some national recognition, I realized that was not what mattered to me. The important thing here was teaching love.

In the beginning of channeling I realized that I trusted Aaron, but I did not fully trust myself. For example, once we were speaking to somebody. At that point it was consciousness channeling and there was some consciousness of what was coming through. The person was using different escapes to avoid being honest with himself. Aaron said something, just, “Pay attention, here.” He didn't criticize, he wasn't harsh, but he was demanding. “You're not being honest with yourself.” I felt the fear in me to channel this, because if I did, this person might pull back and he wouldn't like me. Aaron stopped me. He said, “You must be fully honest with yourself and your own needs, and work to get past your own fears. I cannot work through you if you're going to do harm by distorting what I say. I will not allow harm to come through our work.”

So in the beginning I questioned my ability to be that honest with myself. In that situation, I had to look at the fear I was feeling,  “This person is likely to turn his back on me and walk away, angry at me because I'm pointing out something that he's afraid to hear.” But it wasn't me who was pointing it out; it was Aaron. And if Aaron feels he's ready to hear it, I trust Aaron.

In one similar situation, saying something like that to somebody, that person just walked out at the end of the session and I didn't see her for 6 months. She came back and she said, “It's taken me time to acknowledge the truth of what Aaron was saying. Now I'm ready to go on.”

Aaron doesn't hurt people. He knows what people are ready for, and he offers what they can take, or maybe not quite ready to take, but getting there. He nudges people just to the edge, and knows the person is going to be able to handle this and work with it and grow. People are coming because they want growth, not because they want to move deeper into a kind of deceit. There still may be fear. So I saw that for myself, how the mediumship led me into the need to do this deep work with myself, to be as honest and clear with myself as I could so that Aaron could continue to use me as a clear instrument.

It's been an amazing 24 years, now, that I've been serving as a medium for Aaron. It's taken me all over the world. Everywhere I go, people are asking the same question: how do I live my life with love? Why am I here? What is this whole, sometimes acutely challenging incarnation experience about? And it's been so beautiful to see Aaron answer questions and help people, and more recently the other entities that I'm channeling—the Mother, Father John, and the others.

The first channeling was conscious channeling. About 10 years ago at the Casa I asked the incorporated entity, “After a channeling session I'm exhausted. Can you help me?” He said, “Spirit's high energy and your more human energy are in the body at the same time;  there's too much disparity in that. You need to learn how to get out of the body and let spirit incorporate.” So they taught me how to trance channel. That year, Aaron began to incorporate in my body, as he will today, rather than conscious channeling.

It's a lot easier! I don't have to do anything except astrally project consciousness out of the body and invite Aaron in. But of course I've had to do a lot of work before to make sure that this instrument, this body, mind, and spirit are protected through my highest intention and love and not vulnerable to negativity. If I project out of the body and invite spirit in, I need to know that it's going to be a highly positively polarized spirit that comes in. That's based on the years of inner work.

A number of you attended the mediumship workshop. We don't just make a decision, “I'll be a medium. What are the skills?”  as one might decide to become a plumber or engineer, but along with learning skills we do this inner work—purifying the self, knowing the self, working with a meditation practice like vipassana. The word vipassana is a Pali language word in Buddhist countries. Passana means seeing, to see. Vipassana means clearer, deeper seeing. That's all it is, the practice of deep seeing. This means that we get all of our own old habitual thoughts and ego and such out of the way so we can really see things just as they are.

At that point we created Deep Spring Center for Meditation and Spiritual Inquiry, teaching vipassana, and with people coming together once a week for classes with Aaron, and just to hang out with Aaron's loving energy. This was 24 years ago.

This inclusion of spirit is vital because we are spirit. We're not just the intellect. In some languages, the words for heart and mind are the same word. But we in this country tend to distinguish between the two. There's the heart and there's the brain. We need to bring the brain down into the heart and the heart up into the brain so they're connected. Vipassana is never to control for  the brain or ego, but just to see deeply, clearly, and let the heart know its truth.

So, this is who I am, Barbara. My passion is helping people to find a way to open deeper to themselves with compassion, not to be so harsh and judgmental to themselves; really to know the inner light in themselves and live that light. We learn to use the support that we're all given from spirit, from our guides, our higher self, and so forth, to help us in that path. We are blessed, all of us. Some are more conscious of our blessings, I feel very blessed to have been given this work, and to share it with you. The deafness is no longer experienced as a curse, but as a gift, though at times it is still hard.  

Let me say one last thing, and then Aaron will come in and talk. Or spirit—I'm not sure if it will be Aaron or who it will be. I met with C and D and A and M yesterday and we were talking about, where do we go after the workshops that we did on mediumship. Many of you participated in those workshops? So what's the next step?

Three and four years ago I taught a 2-year program with students who came in from all over the country, five days at a time, three times a year. We called it Venture Fourth. The name came from our movement into 4th density, this transition into 4th density earth, a higher vibration, a higher consciousness. The intention was to better prepare the participants to serve in the world. to be bodhisattvas, committed to alleviating suffering in the world, from a heart centered place.  Venture Fourth  was focused on the inner work we do and deepening the various tools - working with the elements, with chakras, with chanting and toning, shamanic journeying - all the different tools we have to help us sustain a higher vibration, and be of more service in the world. We're not trying to sustain that higher vibration just to have a higher vibration so we can feel good about ourselves. We become more useful in service.

Since the program ended two years ago, many, many people asked me if I would repeat it. I've said no, I can't repeat it. But I've been trying to think of a way to do a parallel. So our thought, and we don't have any details to this yet, but our thought was, this spring, summer, and fall, to do a series of Saturday/Sunday workshops, probably four weekends through the spring, summer and fall, grounded in what I extract from this program. We'll begin with what is most important, since we'll have fewer days in all. Maybe we'll keep it going a second year, we'll see.

We want to do this kind of program focused on deepening, clarifying our own inner light so that we can more fully serve as clear and loving mediums and humans in the world. Find the various skills, hone the various skills, such as meditation, mediumship, sound, vibration, working with the elements, with the chakras, all the things that may be involved. As I said, I don't have a clear curriculum yet. I'm leaving for the Casa next Sunday and my primary intention as I sit in current is to invite clarity. By the end of my 5 weeks there I hope to come home ready to write a curriculum. I won't write it there, but I hope I trust that clarity will come. I just wanted to share this plan with you. We don't yet know where it's going, but it's coming.

At this point I'm going to give you Aaron. Thank you for giving me a chance to introduce myself to those of you who really don't know me at all. Spirit will incorporate. You can support me, this human, and you can support spirit's entry by just holding loving space, feeling a sense of welcoming to whatever Brother or Sister of Light chooses to incorporate.

(Aaron incorporates)

Aaron: My blessings and love to you. I am Aaron. Thank you for making a space for me in your circle.

I want to speak a bit more in depth about this earth transition and why you, each of you, are here. I call you “angels in earthsuits.” You often become so lost in the earthsuit you forget you are angels. The earthsuit has some heavy catalyst to it. You have body aches and pains. You experience anger and grief and fear. These are all part of the human experience. You understood what you were coming into. You've forgotten that you understood, but you agreed to come into these bodies. You knew it wasn't going to be a picnic. If nothing else, eventually, no matter how delightful and perfect the incarnation, eventually the body is going to age and die. Somewhere along the line you're going to stub your toe or somebody is going to sling angry words at you. Even a picnic has ants..

Many of you erroneously believe that you incarnated to get rid of the darkness in the self. You immediately start with that duality: light and darkness. Many you have a sense of the divine as an unlimited radiance, and you see yourself in front of that radiance as shadow. You believe that you have to remove the shadow. You scrub at it with scouring pad, and all that happens is you bleed.

You are not here to destroy the shadow in the self through force and anger, but to literally transmute the shadow in the self, which is just a form of energy, through love. Every moment of challenging catalyst in your life gives you the opportunity to choose hatred of that catalyst, pushing it away, with strong ego, or to choose love.

What does it mean to offer love to negativity? I need one of you here as a volunteer who has done the pushing arms exercise... (demonstration of pushing arms, off mic) She pushes me. I'm going to push back. Which of us is stronger? Or she's going to push me and I'm going to collapse, and come back warily, “What if she pushes me again?” ... But there's another option. And I teach this to you because I find it a perfect metaphor. Push... Push...  (Aaron is ‘dancing with the push, just letting it roll by effortlessly while he continues talking) Again... Keep pushing. If she keeps pushing, eventually she'll wear out. I'm simply dancing with it. I'm letting the energy go past me, and you note I don't completely let it go escape; I then return it. I don't fold under it. I don't push her when I return it. I let it go by me, and then I return it. Push hard... the harder she pushes, the more exhausted she gets. I just keep returning it.... <inaudible> no problem. Thank you, daughter.

You are here in incarnation to learn how to dance with darkness, and in doing so to teach darkness that it is not stronger than light. The greatest force is love. It's as simple as that. I'm not suggesting this is easy. If instead of a friend who is participating in an exercise, you have somebody who is really angry, right in your face, screaming obscenities at you, it's so easy to get caught up in either defending yourself or attacking the attacker, rather than breathing and holding compassion for this person. But you are here to learn compassion

Compassion is not weak. Compassion does not just stand there and let yourself be screamed at. You might within a minute or so say, “I see how angry you are. Perhaps it would be better if we separated now for a while and come back and try to talk about it when there's less anger.” If the person just is more in your face, you say, “I'm not going to stay here with this much anger. It's uncomfortable. I need to leave.” And just turn and walk out.

There's always an option. But sometimes when you say to that person, “I hear your anger. I hear your pain.”—you don't want to attack them by saying, “Why are you dumping your anger on me?” You're willing to let it be dumped because it doesn't stick. It is not “on you.”  It's just washing past you. You are the only one who makes it sticky! You say, “I hear you.” And sometimes that's all the other person needs. How do you live your life true to your most brilliant inner light? How do you live your life with love?

So it's not about purifying the earthsuit in terms of getting rid of negative emotion, or even painful physical catalyst. Anger and pain will arise as long as the conditions are present. Your opening hearts and kindness release the conditions. Force never will do so. This is how we end anger, with kindness, not by attack. It's about opening the heart and expressing your true, radiant self. This is what this transition time is about.

As Barbara mentioned in the song, “...A thrill of hope, a weary world rejoices, for yonder comes a new and glorious morn.” You are here because you chose to be a part of that new and glorious morn. That means each of you has work to do. You are not alone. There are so many of us right here today filling this space. Each of you has one or many guides. We're all with you. Learn to co-create this new and glorious morn with spirit, how to ask for our help. And for many of you, the first step in asking for help is looking honestly at the ego that says, “I can do it. I don't need help.” Or “Nothing's wrong.”, a denial. I came to Barbara when she finally was ready to ask for help; each of you is ready to make a stronger connection with your personal guides. Yet you are still the one who must do the work. We assist and support your intentions, not do it for you.

When you're ready to acknowledge, “Maybe I do need help. I'm here as part of a team. I'm only the human part of the team. My guides are the other part of the team. We came here with a plan to work together, and so far I haven't been doing it. Okay, I'm ready. Help!”, that's all it takes. There's a kind of surrender of the ego involved.

Spirit will work with you. Spirit and you are a team. I rejoice because I see so many of you gathered in a space like this to consider the new possibilities, that together we can bring forth a new consciousness, a new Earth, literally a new universe. We can change things. Yes, there are terrible things happening on the earth. We won't turn our backs on them and say, “I'm helpless.” You are not helpless even if it's 10,000 miles away. Hold that situation in your heart. Ask for spirit's help, and offer love to that area of the world. If you offer despair, that brings a different, more negative energy. Be honest; the situation may indeed be terrible; but also see the possibilities for healing. There are direct ways that you can transform the world through your own heart and your own energy. There is not one of you here in this room who is not capable of that. And there is also not one of you here in this room that fully trusts that you're capable, that doesn't have doubts.

So the first step is simply to watch the experience of doubt. When doubt arises, greet it with a simple, “Is that so?” “I can't do anything to help that situation.” “Is that so?” Such doubt is just an expression of old belief. Don't get caught in it.

Let me say one last thing here and then I'm going to just walk up and down, or I think another entity is going to come in and walk up and down. These are some of the areas of learning that Barbara and I are both very enthused about the possibility to offer in this series of workshops. And we hope that some of you will choose to join us. There will be more information available about that in March, I suppose.

Thank you for this opportunity to speak with you. Most of you know that different entities can incorporate in Barbara's body, so another is going to come forth here just to spend a few minutes sharing energy with you, sharing light.

(Jeshua incorporates, walks around speaking quietly to people; his energy is very strong; then he pauses and speaks aloud.)

Jeshua: You have called me the light of the world. But I say to you that YOU are the light of the world. Each of you-- (to individuals) You are the light. You are the light. You are the light. Each of you. It is not your possibility of moving into darkness that you fear, but the fact that you ARE indeed the light. And you ask, “Am I ready to be that responsible? If I am truly the light, why is there so much negativity in me?” Don't worry about the negativity. Each time it comes, offer it out; do not dwell on it but release it.

First you have to be present enough to know, “Here is anger. I am not my anger.” As Aaron would put it, that which is aware of anger is not angry. Rest in that awareness. Know the intention to release anger. Give it to me—I'll take it, I'll deal with it. It's just energy. I use it to spin tops! Or planets, or whatever. It's just energy.

Let go of your fear of that which arises as negative in yourself and begin to know and trust your divinity. You are the light of the world, not just me. I'm simply a reminder of that light. When you celebrated my birth in the past weeks, what you were celebrating was the bringing of light into the world, each of you, through yourselves.

I have so much love for you all, so much gratitude for each blessed, radiant spirit. Each of you. You are my beloveds. Be with me and walk this path with me, to fill this world with light, to make it the Garden of Eden that we all intended it to be. Be honest and loving with yourself; acknowledge the darkness and invite it into the light.

You sing a Christmas carol, “Joy to the World, the Lord is come!” I would prefer you say, “Joy to the world, the Light is come!” Let us bring it forth together.

My blessings to all of you, and my thanks.

(Jeshua departs, inaudible speaking off mic, next recording file)