April 28, 2011 Thursday Night, Emerald Isle Retreat

Now I want you to take this a step further and think of that, what we've called primordial ooze, the contents of the akashic field, everything in there, all the possibilities. Let's say you have been deeply habituated every time a mosquito lands on you, to slap it. When a horsefly lands on you, you're probably going to slap that. The same will occur for a crawling insect. If you don't know what it is and you feel something landing on your shoulder, without looking you're probably going to move to slap it or brush it off. If a stray kitten brushes your ankle and you had not seen it come, you might brush it away, perhaps with force. This is the lead cow, it comes up.

It takes a conscious intention not to slap at it. Using Barbara's example of the horsefly on her boat, there was so much impulse, wanting to slap at it, and also a deep impulse and intention to do no harm. Because of the consciousness of the intention to do no harm, she was able to refrain from slapping and killing the horse fly, but not able to refrain from disliking it. Try as she would, she could not love it, and she also could not offer herself lovingly for it to feed on her. But she was able to not manifest that impulse to kill.

This intentionality shifts the karma. It's like taking the lead cow and pushing him way back to the far end of the pasture. Then a different cow will come through the gate first, in this case let us call it the cow of compassion; compassion for this horsefly that was hungry and wanted to eat, and compassion for herself that did not want to be eaten. Still, anger came up, hostility came up. So she was able to do the skillful thing and return to her cabin away from the horsefly, sit on a screened porch and meditate on the anger that she felt. In this way, karma can be recognized, resolved, and eventually balanced.

Let's look at another image. Picture this primordial ooze with capsules of red globules, yellow globules, blue globules, randomly floating around. If a red globule meets a blue globule, you have a spurt of purple. If a red one meets a yellow one, you have a spurt of orange. If none of them are predominant, they're just wandering around, you'll have an equal number of colors. If there has been a strong preference for purple so that the field is more filled with red and blue that create purple, and it's vast, it's immense, but what you're inviting to you are the red and blue-- Purple! Purple! Purple! Purple! Oooh, more purple! Finally there seems to be nothing but purple.

You might think there's nothing in there but purple. Truly there is yellow on the other side of the tank, but you don't see it. When you have a strong intention that invites something to you out of this vast sea of innumerable conditions, you literally karmically invite to you the specific conditions of that you desire to manifest. Love or fear may invite. There may be a repetitious fear, "What if I manifest this?", which is another way of drawing it to you. You're giving it energy with both, "Let's manifest it!" or "No, let's not manifest it."

Let's say that you were very weary of purple, not hateful of purple, just weary of it. It's all purple around you, but you've made the firm decision, "I want to invite more light colors. I invite the yellow in here. I invite it to merge with the blue and create green, to merge with the red and create orange, and all the shades of green and orange. I invite." Some old habit that said, "No, we're only safe with purple," might pre-select for the purple even though there was some conscious intention for the lighter colors.

But if there was strong consciousness, one would say, not with hatred, not "I hate purple," just, "I've had enough purple for awhile. I don't need to do purple anymore. I choose and invite yellow. I invite orange. I invite pink. I invite greens, emerald greens, yellow green," and so forth. Here I would liken this to a more wholesome karma where instead of it simply being magnetized to you by old conditioning, there is conscious choice.

Within that akashic field, then, there will be some very repetitive karmic conditions, feelings of unworthiness, for example; feelings of betrayal, feelings of helplessness. They arise and you connect them to you like a magnet. When you begin to see, "Right here with helplessness is that which is safe," and knows its power, not to control so much as to co-create, "Right here with anger is kindness and compassion," you begin to see that these objects have always been swimming around in that vast container but you've had eyes only for the objects that have pulled you. You begin to see all the choices and eventually to make more wholesome choices, inviting the wholesome objects to manifest.

Why would you manifest a tornado on this beach, on this house (there is a tornado watch and severe storm warning)? Perhaps others on this beach are seeking to manifest a tornado, looking for some kind of drama or disaster, something to help them feel alive when they're feeling partially dead, something to make them feel self-important, but you have no need to manifest a tornado. Let it go. If it's going to hit somewhere on the beach, it will. You are not in control of what your neighbors manifest but you are in control of what you manifest. Yes, if your neighbor strongly manifests it, the fringe may hit you. Release the concern and know there is safety.

Of course, there are many conditions. It's not just what you choose but weather patterns, wind, the elements, all of it together. We look at the vast array of conditions out of which things are manifesting. I spoke earlier, and I think it was not with the whole group, of, let's call it the karmic field with the elements as a base to the field, with the Factors of Enlightenment as a base to the field, the law of karma; many things are base expressions in this field.

And then the more specific details of it. Out of the elements, certain emotions arise. Out of the intention for awakening and energy and effort, certain positive insights and growth arise. Out of hatred, destruction arises. You are the master of your fate. It is not fate, that's not really a good word, it's the word that's commonly used, but you are the master of your future. Or more correctly, the loving heart can be the master of its future. Fear too often is the master of the future, the small ego self.

In your vipassana practice you have the opportunity to watch objects arise. You may not always see all the components of those objects, or see deeply into the karma within those objects, but there is a sense when hatred arises that this is not wholesome, and that which is taking the precepts to do no harm acknowledges, "Here is hatred. I choose to work skillfully with hatred. The conditions are not yet purified, so hatred has arisen, but I don't have to be afraid of the hatred. To give anger to the hatred simply feeds fear to fear, negativity to negativity. I do not enact the hatred, I do not fear the hatred."

Basically, it's like if you're out fishing for good fish for dinner and you pull in a sand shark, you throw it back. Just because you've pulled it in doesn't mean you have to keep it. "No, this is not what I choose to eat. Throw it back.

"Here's hatred," toss it back. It's swimming around in the pool of course. "It's not what I choose to keep." With the sand shark, you simply release it and it swims away. Hatred is different, it may stick around, swimming circles around you. Just let it be there. Eventually it will get bored and swim away.

That's really all I wanted to start with, in answer to a question that came in yesterday. So here I open the floor to your questions.

Q: Can you say a few words about choiceless awareness, on the one hand, and then the choice to invite globules, on the other hand?

Aaron: When you say to invite globs, to invite unwanted objects that stick to you?

Q: The yellow and red and blue globules.

Aaron: Choiceless awareness simply notes what is present. It is not related to intention. It comes following intention. The intentionality has drawn something to you, then choiceless awareness takes that object and notices it. The fact that it had not wanted that object makes no difference. It does not push it away, it simply notices it.

If you're attracting black globs and you find them to be heavy and depressing, there will be a note, "Hold spaciousness around these black globs and the self that continues to invite them," and simultaneously note the intention to invite light-colored globs. You're not forcing, you're not pushing one away and trying to grab at the other, which just creates more suffering, but out of your free will intention for the highest good of all beings, "I invite these lighter colors that are not so dark and depressing and heavy." Out of that intention, gradually there will come a change, so that choiceless awareness is now present with perhaps 50% lighter globs and 50% black globs.

You hold space for it all. Some are more pleasant than others. And again, intention says, "More release of the darker globs. I intend to stop inviting them. I understand that there's a certain karma that's attached to them, and that this is not wholesome." But then it doesn't try to force them away.

I'm going back to the sand sharks again. You know there are bluefish out there, dozens of them, but there are thousands of sand sharks and you keep reeling them in. But if you hold the intention for a bluefish, and put the bait on your hook that bluefish like instead of the bait the sand sharks like, you'll invite bluefish. If you say, "No, I want bluefish," but you continue to bait your hook with that which is most loved by the sand shark, you're giving multiple messages. You're going to keep inviting the sand sharks.

I will make you a fisherman yet! Fishing for highest intentions, loving intentions. Let's take you out on that wharf, and cast lines over, inviting loving intention.

I have been a fisherman in many lifetimes. I have never caught fish for the sport of catching a fish. I have caught fish only to survive, to eat, to feed my family, my village. You would be surprised how many people put the wrong bait on the hook, thinking, "Well, it's bait. I'll catch a fish," without being specific about the kind of fish they want to attract, and working to attract that kind of fish. It's really no different: what kinds of thoughts do you want to invite to arise? The Buddha's description of Right Effort:

To cause to arise wholesome mind states that have not yet arisen.

To cause to stay present those wholesome mind states that have already arisen.

To cause the cessation of arising of unwholesome mind states that have already arisen.

To cause the unwholesome mind states that have not yet arisen not to arise.

This is his description of Right Effort; it is not an exact quotation but close,. But if your effort is, in your mind, to cause wholesome mind states to arise, and you're casting your net with the invitation to unwholesome mind states, why are you surprised when the unwholesome mind states arise?

Someday we're going to have a wilderness retreat. We're going to fish, we're going to do rock climbing, paddle a boat, tube or raft down a river, and explore how all these skills relate to your spirituality.

Q: I had a question about a comment from the Entity today. The Entity said that I often don't accept or receive love and joy from/for myself, that I am giving it away and need to receive it. My question is, who receives this because my small self or ego could never get enough kudos or appreciation. And it feels like my larger self, I guess, doesn't really need to receive, it's just all in the flow. So my question is, who is supposed to receive it?

Aaron: Let's change the context a bit. First, the large self does not think in terms of self and others, so it doesn't think in terms of giving and receiving, it simply dips out its needed share and passes the rest on. There's no contraction around giving or receiving. As if you had a huge bowl of soup and all of you with spoons, you wouldn't be looking at your neighbor and eating as fast as you could, you'd know there was plenty to go around. You would take joy in your neighbor's appreciation of the soup. You would take joy in your own. So when you are in the large self, there is no restriction and no fear.

You said that the small self has almost grasped at wanting applause and affection. This is the self that doesn't know how to receive, so there's a grasping to have. Again, using a food metaphor, when Terry sets out her beautiful meal on the table and you're hungry, you eat and then you are satisfied. There's no fear, "I won't have enough," there's no grasping. But it is the human self that takes in the food, that brings the nourishment into its body and utilizes that nourishment, that feels appreciation for the life, the carrots, the tomatoes, whatever, that have gone into creating this food.

But imagine – here I use the description from the Buddhist world of the hungry ghost, with a big body and a tiny mouth – it can never get enough. It feels itself to be in competition with others. It desperately wants that food, but with this huge body there's just this very tiny mouth, soit can take in very little at one time, and it never feels like it can get enough.

When there is any kind of constriction, of unworthiness, shame, of desire, in other words, "I want that and I shouldn't want it, I should give it out freely to everybody else," when there is shame about any emotion, or anything that constricts the energy field, you grasp because you don't feel like you can get enough of it because it's coming in through this tiny orifice created by constriction, by fear.

As you bring attention to that pattern and start fully to allow yourself to receive, you find yourself fully satisfied, nourished, so that in a wholesome way you take what is needed for this human body and pass the rest on, and there's always more than enough, regardless of whether we are talking about food or loving energy or appreciation; it is the same.

What the Entity was saying to you, I believe, was there was a deep karmic pattern that says, "I shouldn't," whether physical hunger or emotional hunger, need felt and then clamping down, "No, I shouldn't take it for me, I should feed, feed the children, feed the friends, feed the world." And that it would be important for you to look at that pattern and find that you cannot truly feed the world unless you can feed yourself. As you learn to receive without fear or shame, that which can receive can alos easily give. Do you understand?

Q: Sort of...

Aaron: Just watch the pattern in you. When somebody offers you something, there's that feeling of gratitude and often a simultaneous thought, "Oh, I don't deserve it." Just watch how that comes up and ask, "Ah, is that so? Where is that 'I don't deserve it' coming from? I want it, I need it. I don't deserve it." Sometimes it's a soft whisper, "I don't deserve it."

Q: Maybe other people also experience this, receiving something, often like a gift or something, and thinking, "Oh, so-and-so would love this." ... I just always thought I wasn't that attached to stuff. Not love, I understand the love part, but just, suffering....

Aaron: This is not "attachment to stuff;" this is the small contraction that comes with, "I don't deserve it. I'm not good enough or worthy enough." Let us say that people came with many bouquets of beautiful flowers and began handing them out. There were so many flowers. At first you started taking them, "Oh, I want that one! Look at that one! This one, this one!" And then you look at it and say, "This person would love this one, it's her favorite color. This person would love that one," and meanwhile somebody is handing one to you, and the energy is just flowing. That is free exchange without any contraction, truly knowing the infinity of the Source, so there's no fear and there's no shame at receiving, no constriction around giving.

Compare that to same situation, people giving away flowers, and suddenly you find to your embarrassment that people have given you three times as many as you've given away, and you have a huge bunch of flowers while others have a dozen or so flowers in their hands. Shame comes. Instead of just giving a few away and thinking, "Am I attached to these? I appreciate them. They smell beautiful, the colors are beautiful. And here's some for you, and here's some for you, and here's some for you," as people are trying to give you more, you're trying to get rid of them because there's a feeling of constriction. "I shouldn't want them so much." Each flower represents somebody's love. What do I need? Do I need proof of that love?

Basically, most simply, just look at constriction around receiving.

Barbara, while reviewing: many years ago I was in a public situation with Ram Dass, at the Neem Karoli Baba Ashram in Taos. Someone gave him a beautiful rose. He thanked her, then turned and handed it to me with a kiss. The human and needy part of me really wanted to keep it, proof I was "good enough" to receive this gift from him. A wiser part of me took it into the meditation room and placed it on the altar in front of Maharaj-ji's picture. As I put it down, there was a deep release of old fears of unworthiness. I sat there for about ½ hour with Baba's gift of the opening heart.

Anybody else? I'd like to hear from more of you.

Q: This is a little random. Are there any Essene communities on the planet that resemble those of 2000 years ago?

Aaron: Unfortunately, no. There are Essene communities but they've largely taken on a fundamentalist nature, self-righteous and so forth, caught in that mythical consciousness, so often they live by very strict rules and harsh judgments of others. There are, not Essene communities, but there are communities where people live with some of the wisdom and depth of those Essene communities, but most of the more esoteric trainings have been lost.

Q: I have been reading Anna, Grandmother of Jesus. I'm about half way through. Jesus has not been born yet. I stopped reading and was thinking about what I had read, and it sounded like science fiction to me. I haven't been able to get back to it. Could you comment on the book and the supposed history that it's talking about?

Aaron: First, let us look at some of your science fiction. 1984-- how many of the things thought of in that book as future are real? I'm pulling one title out, I'm sure there are many more, I'm not a science fiction connoisseur. In Star Trek they have these communication devices. Star Trek was created before the cellphone. How different is it? Not so far. Given another 10 or 20 years, you'll have something as sophisticated as what Star Trek uses.

In the book, we are not looking to the future but to the past and what has been lost from the past. I would say the book is 95% accurate. This is how I experienced it. It is not 100% accurate; there are small slips and errors, differences from my experience, but it is 95% accurate.

I spoke to you several nights ago about the lifetime in which I lived to be 500 years and more, with special techniques for restoring the body. I would not say these have been lost so much as lost to you, today. The knowledge is still there but in places where it will not be brought forth until you are ready for it.

Light conception; is this such an unusual idea? It is really no more miraculous that energy and light can move into the womb and a fetus emerge, as it is that a sperm and egg can come together in the womb and create a fetus; one is simply more material and one is more energetic.

This is not really any different than that the Entity incorporated in John of God's body can take a kitchen knife and make a cut, and it doesn't bleed and there's no pain, because it's an energetic incision more than a material incision, although it does appear on the material body.

All of these things are real. Light conception is a very beautiful training. It's going deep into the akashic field and bringing forth that which is of the highest light and vibration, for the highest good, that's all it is. It takes enormous discernment to let go of any personal ambitions there, any personal grasping, and focus in on that which is for the highest good and then invite it forth. But really, this is something all of you are learning, each in your own timing.

These were very evolved beings practicing light conception. They understood the process of it. Actually, the Lemurians brought the technology and taught it. The Essenes were some of the recipients of it, not directly from the Lemurians but from Atlantians. So the trainings devolved, lost some of their power, as Lemuria disappeared and Atlantis took its place.

And then there were some beings who still walked the Earth and came and offered these teachings to a few people and in select places, beings who were ready for the trainings. The whole of the Essene community was not offered it but specific individuals were, who would know how best to pass it on.

We have many now-extinct cultures in which similar trainings existed. The shaman in an aborigine tribe had the deep ability to sense exactly where the migration of animals would go. His people were hungry. If he misread the whole akashic field and led his people east when the animals were going west, they would starve. He continued as shaman because he could read the akashic field and could successfully bring his people to a fruitful hunt. And there was always very deep gratitude and respect for the life that was taken. Very high vibrational energy, willingness to recycle that energy, with gratitude for the animal that was to be eaten.

In numerous cultures around the world, such trainings existed. Your Native Americans, not all tribes but many, had a lot of wisdom, had, some of them, a much higher vibration in terms of their deep interconnection with the Earth and respect for the Earth. In Hawaii, certain native groups of many years ago had these trainings, and parts of South America. They existed in many places in the world. Interestingly, the Middle East is one of the few places where such trainings ceased to exist, fell away. Parts of the Far East had such trainings. Some small places in Europe, Druids, for example. So yes, it's real.

Please read the, I think it's not a chapter but an inserted chapter in Cosmic Healing called "Trainings", near the end of the book.

Perhaps time for one more question. I welcome questions about your practice as well.

Q: Today I was holding a contraction, watching a contraction, around a negative emotion, and was able to watch it dissolve into spaciousness. And I allowed myself to keep going, whatever that means, and I felt that I did go into another realm, maybe the akashic field. I'm wondering whether negative emotions end up in the akashic field.

Aaron: Yes and no. They cannot maintain their negativity within the akashic field, and gradually that pure energy remains and the negative bias dissolves. What is anger but energy with a specific bias? So as the self-centeredness of the anger dissolves, all that's left is energy. Energy and light are the base, and these become distorted by fear and self-centeredness and express as negative emotions. Then you do the work to purify them. Gradually they are known as illusion and released faster.

It almost 9; let's end here...

My blessings and love to all of you.

(session ends)